can't get over performance anxiety

I am 33 years old...

My whole life = erection problems. My doctor could never rule it as psychological, physical or combination.

This started at 17. I believe a girl has accidentally sat on my hard penis too hard and caused trauma. I can't really remember this. I do remember at a young age my erections would point straight out and now they point downward (45 degree angle). My doctor believes I have sort of venous leak.

In my young 20's, my doctor prescribed Viagra, etc. in higher dosages. Now I use the smallest dosage possible because I get no side affects from it.

The medicine does help but from all of my past bad sex experience, always think something is going to go wrong. So, even with medicine, sometimes I end up not having sex.

After years of (self-pleasure), not saying this is not normal, masturbation was contributing to my psychological/physical issues towards sex, was keeping me satisfied. Even if I took 2-3 days off from masturbation, still not feel excited with the woman. Also realized that my way of masturbating was rubbing away sensitivity in penis head which explains why I never feel anything thru condom. I am circumcised...

Well, I stop masturbating a couple months ago and I definitely feel increased sensitivity in penis head when a woman touches me PLUS I now enjoy sex more thru condom.

However, my anxiety keeps coming, always thinking about my past and thinking I will not get full erection. PLUS I always have a conscious with my penis when it's erect (never in an upright position). So if a woman is too rough, pushing it down, applying pressure, etc. that may make me lose my erection.

Anyway, now to my question.... LOL

Since I am always tense before foreplay, having sex, and I KNOW I can get great erections, I want to know if there is prescription medicine that will help to ease my nerves on a daily basis, a medicine that will keep me calm, cool, collected and not worrying about my performance anxiety.

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Dear Myron:

First, let me put your mind at ease: your penis is just fine. Most penises curve, either up or down, or to the left or right, so please stop worrying about how your penis looks.

And you've diagnosed yourself quite correctly: anxiety is what's getting in your way. You don't need drugs to calm down and relax, you have that ability yourself.

You're so worried and self-conscious that you've created a self-fulfilling prophesy and you can't relax and enjoy yourself.

Here are some ideas that may help you:

First, when with a new partner, tell her that you like to go slow and instead of focusing on the "main event," you'd like to enjoy touching each other and all the other wonderful things that happen when people connect. I guarantee you most women will be thrilled to be with a man rather than a machine.

When you find yourself beginning to worry, distract yourself by using some powerful erotic imagery. In other words, whatever turns you on in your fantasies. Once you call up this imagery, you'll be able to re-focus on pleasure rather than worry.

It's time to let go of everything that happened in the past, as well as judgments about what your penis should look like. You can become a sensuous lover who enjoys touch in and of itself without worrying so much about "results." I guarantee you most women will be thrilled. Best of luck to you. Dr. J