erectile disfunction

well i guess i can say ive always had erection
problems but i never really put much attetion to
it since i could have sex but reacently for the past 5 months
i havent been able to get a firm enough erection to have
intercourse me and my girlfreind have discussed
the issue i want to have sex but i cant get an erection
should i go to the doctor

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hello.

Welcome to your 20’s! Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to let go of such a narrow definition of what constitutes “good.”

Much of your problem is due to your attitude. Once you experienced a less firm erection, you started feeling anxious and judging yourself, which can be a vicious circle. The more you worry about erections, the more your penis won’t cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious! Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?

Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.

You can generally determine whether your condition may be physically related by the following: when you wake up, do you notice your erections are firmer than during partner sex? If so, then your body is working fine—it’s your heart/brain that’s getting in the way once you’re fully awake. On the other hand, if you notice less firm erections even upon awakening or when being sexual with yourself, it's possible there's a physiological factor at work. See a urologist for an exam to determine the cause.

For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.

Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. Best of luck to you. Dr. J