Erectile Dysfunction Expert Forum
erection problem
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Questions in the Erection Concerns Forum are being answered by Janice M Epp, PhD, a Clinical Sexologist from The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. This forum is for questions and discussions about the psychological aspects of Erection problems or erectile dysfunction.

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erection problem

hi i am 31 year old male. i used to be a sex freak but in my early teens i started doing drugs, alcohol and masturbation as well, sometimes at hourly basis and 7-8 times a day. my diet plan was perfect no matter what happens. then i got into a long term relation with a married woman and one day she told me that i have a samller penis than her husband and since that day i was not completely aroused or feel confident doing sex. well i was ok still after that for sometime but then i started problems with erections, used to have sex 7-8 times in a day and never felt anyting bad. then i came to know i have hypoglacemia and doc also said that i am hyper insulin, that my insulin level is 4 times more than normal person, which also put me in list to that people having diabetes 2. so now i am having problem with my size, having erection and i can't have intercourse for more than half a minute, well with size if your timing is right one can cope but if both are you know. so i will be really greatful to you if you can guide me if there is any possibility of some increase in size if not then at least if i can not become a stud but at least be normal.
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So many myths, so little time… Let’s clear up some misunderstandings.

First, about penis size: Sounds like you’ve bought into the myth that you have to have a larger-than-life penis in order to have great sex. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth.

Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their penis. Locker room etiquette dictates no staring, so most straight men have only glimpsed other penis sizes and shapes in commercial sex videos, which generally feature men with large penises. If you think everyone else looks like a male porn star, of course you’re going to feel inadequate!

Another contributing factor to this attitude is that while most men see their penises several times a day during urination, they’re usually staring down at their penis, creating a visual distortion that actually makes it appear smaller than it really is.

Like noses, penises all have the same basic shape, with some variation. Let’s consider a few basic facts. For instance, did you know that you can’t tell the size of a man’s erect penis based simply on what it looks like when flaccid (un-erect)? Most penises erect to between 4 and 6 inches, and there’s not much variation in erection size (with exceptions, of course). However, when flaccid, there is much more variation. Some men’s penises are 1 inch when flaccid (we’ll call these growers), and others are 5 inches (we’ll call these show-ers). BUT: during erection, the 1-inch penis may grow to the same 6-inch erect size as the 5-incher. That’s right; despite their differences when flaccid, they’ll both erect to approximately the same size. Why don’t most of us realize this? Because most of us just don’t get the opportunity to see men when they’re flaccid and then erect. And did I mention shrinkage? When men are cold or nervous, the penis and testicles pull up into the body for protection (“I’m hiding!”). If you see a penis right after it’s been in a cold swimming pool, I guarantee it will not resemble its erect self in any way!

There are no magic pills, etc., than can change your penis size. Here’s a thought: why not relax, value your penis for the size and shape it is, and be thoughtful about its care and handling. If you do, it will serve you well your whole life.

It also sounds as though you believe that self-pleasuring is somehow harmful or can be done “too much.” The truth is that everyone has different needs and different sexual interests. Some people self-pleasure five times a day, some never, some 5 times a week, some once a month, some 10 times a day, etc. You get the picture, right? Whatever works for you is what works for you.

However, building up erotic tension can be fun. If you are anticipating being sexual with someone, try not having an orgasm for a day or two and see what happens. Perhaps a little erotic tension might just be the spark you need.

Welcome to your 30’s! When you're younger and just beginning to be sexual with others, erections pop up everywhere--including when you don't want them! Post-pubescent men are highly excitable. After all, sex with a partner is new, and anything new is terribly exciting.

As you age, you'll find that erections sometimes take longer, and even come and go. This is not an indication if ill health, but just part of life.

Since you experience erections during self-pleasuring, it’s obvious there’s no medical or physiological condition interfering—it’s all in your head. Something about being sexual with others is causing you anxiety. What do you suppose it is? Is it possible that you’re worrying yourself into this problem? In other words, once you began to worry, you stopped being able to enjoy yourself, so naturally, your erections disappeared, and you created a self-fulfilling prophesy. Often, anxiety and nervousness create a situation in which you can't relax enough to feel pleasure. And don’t forget that condoms can sometimes dull sensation. Be sure to find a condom that is thin a good fit.

Worrying about erections is a dead-end street. All it will do is make you anxious, which will make your penis very uncooperative. And remember you don't need an erection to be sexual, have fun, experience pleasure, etc. Relax, enjoy your own unique sexuality and stop judging yourself.

For more information about male sexual issues, I recommend “The New Male Sexuality,” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D., widely available both used and in paperback. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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