i am a 52 year old male and last month had lost an erection. I have changed to a new job overseas and left a 10 year job. I could just look at a female and get a erection now nothing happens so can you help.
Welcome to your 50’s! Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life--especially when you're feeling tired, anxious or stress. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to let go of worrying about getting erections. Much of your problem is due to your attitude. Once you started feeling anxious and judging yourself, you created a self-fulfilling prophesy. The more you worry about erections, the more your penis won’t cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious!
Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. I suspect that if you tell your partner that you think the most important aspect of sex isn’t “performance,” but rather mutual pleasure, you’ll find yourself greeted with open arms and a big smile. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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