erection problems =[

Hi, I'm 17 years old and i have recently been having erection problems. I masturbate daily 1-2 times... and have a nice hard erection everytime. But when im about to have sex with my girlfriend.. i always seem to lose my erection for some reason.. and then its hard to get an erection after that happens.. sometimes when i have my shorts on even.. and shes giving me a handjob under my shorts it seems to lose its hardness.. although it never used to.. im wondering if its a problem or if im masturbating too much or what.. please help me cuz it really pisses me off

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hello. Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their sexuality. Great sex involves your whole body; in fact, having great, mutually satisfying sex is usually quite the opposite of what you see in those performance-oriented sex videos.

The more you think of sex as being about performance, the more worries you'll have. If you're stressed, you'll probably worry even more. And this can be a vicious circle. For most of us, sex is about fun and pleasure. If you think of it as performance, or a “job,” you’ll set yourself for a stressful experience. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.

Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.

Two other reasons why you might not be having erections are that you’re bored with your current partner or the sexual activities you’re doing together, or that there are some conflicts in the relationship and you’re feeling anxious or angry.

It's a common myth that self-pleasuring can contribute to erection concerns. Actually, it's the opposite. The more you self-pleasure, the more you know what feels good to you, thus giving you information to communicate to a partner. There's no such thing as "too much" self-pleasuring; however, if you want to experiment with creating more erotic tension, try holding off for a day or two before having sex with your girlfriend. This may help increase your desire. And speaking of your desire, I wonder just how turned on you actually ARE with your partner? Dr. J