Erectile Dysfunction Expert Forum
have erection but not comfortable with sex
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Questions in the Erection Concerns Forum are being answered by Janice M Epp, PhD, a Clinical Sexologist from The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. This forum is for questions and discussions about the psychological aspects of Erection problems or erectile dysfunction.

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have erection but not comfortable with sex

hi
I am a 25 year male and had a very awesome sex life six months back but now its pretty tensed for me. Now when i trying having sex with my girlfriend i dont much erection it seems i dont have any attraction for girls now or something i dont know why but it was not the same case in past i use to enjoy it a lot. But when i masturbate i have erection a lot like past but still not so much erect.
please tell me the remedy how to cope over this problem because i cant upset my girlfriend and loose her and want to have a good erection to satisfy my partner.
is it just because i m nervous of sex is their some serious problem
Just to inform u I consume alcohol occasionally or mainlyu after 5-6 days and stick to beer or whiskey and i smoke daily but not much on a average 6-8 sticks of cigrattes.
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Hi.

It sounds like you’re conflicted. On the one hand, you say it seems like you aren’t attracted to women, but on the other hand, you don’t want to lose your girlfriend. You also state you want to “satisfy her.”

Only you know whether you’re turned on by your girlfriend or not. If you aren’t, perhaps you should examine why you’re in this relationship. Maybe your body is telling you to take a break, or maybe you’re just bored. Here is some general information for you to help you sort it out:

Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their sexuality. Great sex involves your whole body; in fact, having great, mutually satisfying sex is usually quite the opposite of what you see in those performance-oriented sex movies.

The more you think of sex as being about performance, the more worries you'll have. If you're stressed, you'll probably worry even more. And this can be a vicious circle. For most of us, sex is about fun and pleasure. If you think of it as performance, or a “job,” you’ll set yourself for a stressful experience. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.

Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.

Two other reasons why you might not be having erections are that you’re bored with your current partner or the sexual activities you’re doing together, or that there are some conflicts in the relationship and you’re feeling anxious or angry.

If you’re having erections when you wake up, and when being sexual with yourself, chances are there aren’t any physical causes. That means you need to take a deep breath and look at the above issues to see if any relate to you. Once you can relax and stop putting pressure on yourself to please someone else, you can begin to discover just what it is that feels good to you. Good luck! Dr. J
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