help perfect stop fpr him to go out

for the past few months iv been haveing a problem keeping him up even while masterbateing
when i do get into sex or masterbateing i get hard then lose it and cant get it back up when ever i get to worked up or when it gets hot i start to itch and it keeps me from focusing on sex

just tonight i was with 2 females and i couldnt preform at all after 15 mins he went soft and i couldnt get him back up

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

What exactly is your question? There are many possiblities regarding why your penis isn't erecting exactly when you want it to.

Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their sexuality. Great sex involves your whole body; in fact, having great, mutually satisfying sex is usually quite the opposite of what you see in those performance-oriented sex videos.

The more you think of sex as being about performance, the more worries you'll have. If you're stressed, you'll probably worry even more. And this can be a vicious circle. For most of us, sex is about fun and pleasure. If you think of it as performance, or a “job,” you’ll set yourself for a stressful experience. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.

Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.

Two other reasons why you might not be having erections are that you’re bored with your current partner or the sexual activities you’re doing together, or that there are some conflicts in the relationship and you’re feeling anxious or angry.

It’s also important to remember that if you’re having erections at other times besides with a partner (morning erections, being sexual with yourself, etc.), chances are there aren’t any physical causes. If you aren’t EVER having erections, or if you've noticed a dramatic change, see your physician for a check-up, because you might have a medical condition that’s interfering. Good luck! Dr. J