hi, im 18 years old, and lately i have been having problems with my penis, i tried to have sex with a girl but i couldnt get an erection, so i went to the doctor, and they said it was stress, so we tried it again, and it i got it up but it wouldnt stay, so i had this dumb idea that i got from the web that stated, if i put icyhot on my penis i will get my erections back, so i tried it and it burned like crazy,lol. but after that 4 the next 3 days , i got a bunch of erections that one day i noticed that my penis and parts of my inner thighs became numb(my penis feels like rubber) and im afraid i lost most of all sensation in my penis, is it the icyhot or what? i also masterbate by humping on balled up shirts (wierd i know) and i think this could be the problem, could it be nerve damage, is this normal, and can it be cured, if so how, please help, im only 18!!! and i went to the doctor, but he was no help, he said the numbness would go away, but that was 3 days ago!!!
If your physician says not to worry about numbness, then you should listen. And be patient. It may take some time.
There's nothing weird about self-pleasuring. Everyone does it differently. I would, however, suggest that perhaps the shirt fabric is causing some irritation, since it's not lubricated. Some men learn to use an object because they're not comfortable touching their penis, while others simply get hooked on whatever method they first try, and since that's what works for them, they stick with it. Why not try using something you can lubricate? Many men find banana peels do the trick: slip one over your Randy Johnson, and start pitching.
There are also lots of toys available online that simulate the feel of a woman's vagina. You might try one of those. And, it goes without saying, that you might also try using your hands along with some lube, just to see how it feels. A little variety never hurt anyone.
Now let's talk about erections.
Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to adjust your attitude and relax. I suspect that once your penis didn’t respond on command, you started feeling anxious and judging yourself, which can be a vicious circle. The more you worry about erections, the more your penis won’t cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious!
Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
In addition, some men find that certain condoms limit sensation, and, of course, this can intensify with each experience, leading to more anxiety. If you use condoms, it's important to find the brand that provides you with the stimulation that you need. A good way to experiment is to use different condoms during self-pleasuring--give them an audition and pick the one that works best for you.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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