often erection

out of the blue i get erections and cant get them to stop unless i burn myself on my wrist with a lighter any other ways or explinations to this problem and this happens when im not even looking at nothing or when i wake up please help  oh and it always makes me masturbate even though i try to avoid thanks

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hello.

Please, please stop hurting yourself! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your body is responding how it’s MEANT to respond. Let me explain.

All healthy men have erections daily during both waking and sleeping hours. These are automatic responses of your body, just the same as breathing and blinking. Why are you so afraid of them? Erections are GOOD. They mean you’re alive and healthy.

And why are you trying to avoid self-pleasuring (masturbation)? Many people feel insecure about self-pleasuring because they don’t have adequate information. We all want to know that what WE do is OK. From your note, it looks like you feel that it’s somehow harmful or wrong. There are no data to indicate that self-pleasuring is in any way harmful.

Well, I’m here to tell you that whatever works for you is what works for you, and please stop worrying and enjoy your life. The fact that you’re trying to stop self-pleasuring and are finding it difficult should tell you that it’s part of who you are. Accept it as a wonderful gift that keeps on giving.

Here are some facts about self-pleasuring:

It’s the surest way to orgasm and the most effective way to learn about our sexual response cycle, as well as the surest way men to learn orgasmic control.  If you feel you come too quickly, the surest way to slow down is to teach yourself a new pattern via self-pleasuring.

Another advantage is self-knowledge: How can you show a partner what you like if you don’t know yourself?

And the #1 reason for self-pleasuring: it’s fun!

Self-pleasuring is a part of who you are sexually—for your whole life, not just when you don’t have a partner. People self-pleasure from birth to death, when they’re alone and when they’re partnered. It’s just one of many options we have as sexual beings. It’s not better or worse than partner sex, just different—like steak is different than chicken.

Remember that all our scientific data show that the people who take responsibility for their OWN pleasure have the best sex lives and rate themselves as happiest about their sexuality. So please stop torturing yourself, accept your sexuality as a gift and start enjoying life. Good luck! Dr. J