Hi, im an 18 year old male....i lost my virginity when i was 13 years old, and never had a problem having sex until the last 2 or 3 years....I always want sex, but whilst i am with my partner, no matter how bad i want an erection, i can not do it. I have tried numerous things but can't figure out the problem! I have had sex numerous times, and now, due to some ungodly symptom of mine, i can't even get an erection while i am with a girl. Any time i am not with a girl, i can get an erection on command....but the second im with a partner, no matter how hard i try, nothing seems to work....Can anyone help me?!?!?!?!
Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to adjust your attitude and relax. I suspect that once your penis didn’t respond on command, you started feeling anxious and judging yourself, which can be a vicious circle. The more you worry about erections, the more your penis won’t cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious!
Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
Since you’re having erections when not with a partner that indicates that your body is working fine—it’s your heart/brain that’s getting in the way.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Im 17 years old and ive been dating my girlfriend for a little over 10 months. We had sex for the first time a couple weeks ago and it took me like 30 minutes to get an erection . We were interupted so i didn't get to finish. Just recently we tried again and i wasn't able to get an erection at all. It was humilitating to say the least. And my girfriend is amazingly beautiful, so what is wrong with me?
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