treatment for psychological ed?

Hello,
I am a 21-yr-old girl. I have been dating a 21-yr-old boy for about 3 months and we have recently begun in-the-pants exploration. At first, he was very hesitant to let me touch him down there at all, and then finally when he did let me touch him down there, it literally undid any excitement that he had from fooling around. This softening has happened about four times now. He has had serious girlfriends in the past, but he was raised in a very religious home so he has always kept his sex drive at bay and only focused on emotional attraction to women (which actually is quite impressive considering the libidos of most men i know). This is actually his first time experiencing sexual exploration. He also has explained to me that he has had some family problems that deeply impacted him psychologically, and that as a result of those problems he has gone through bouts of depression.

He says that he can masturbate normally (get an erection and follow through to orgasm), but he just doesn't feel like doing it very often.

I have never had to deal with something like this before; I am used to men becoming immediately excited, or more excited, when you touch them down south. Anyway, I feel very attracted to him and I like him a lot, but I'm not really sure how to deal with this situation. It upsets both of us. It seems like it is a psychologically based problem. Should I recommend that he go to a doctor? Even if he does decide to do that, I'm not sure how he would get this past his parents, who are very anti-sex-related-activities before marriage. Are there any exercises or sex therapy strategies that we can just try to work on on our own?

The real problem is that I don't know how to help him, but I wish I could.

Thanks

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

It's great that you want to help your partner; however, these are HIS issues, and you can't fix them for him. You can be patient and understanding, but ultimately, it's going to be up to him to initiate changes. This can be a scary thing.

Religious orthodoxy and repression can seriously impact a person's sexual expression. It's often helpful for a person to begin to explore the negative messages they received so they can move on. An excellent book I recommend is:

"The New Male Sexuality" by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D., widely available used and in paperback.

This book examines many of the sex-negative messages men get when they're growing up and also has exercises for overcoming them. Dr. J