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trouble getting hard

I am a 19 year old guy. I recently got a girlfriend that I am pretty serious with. She is a virgin, I am not.  I had sex once over a year ago and had trouble getting hard then.  I am now trying to have sex with my new girlfriend but I cannot get hard when it comes down to it.  When we are fooling around or she is rubbing my penis on top of my pants i can, but when she reaches to start to give me a hand job or ******** i cannot.  I can also get hard when I am by myself just fine, and i masturbate reguarly.  What is wrong with me?
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Avatar universal
Hi Doctors,

My penis is naturally bent downward (exactly like a banana facing down) when it gets hard. I read a few posts regarding this bent downward in this forum. It seems like it's nothing wrong with my penis.

However, recently, when my another person puts lubricant gel on my penis and pulls up and down as an usual masturbation way. I only gets hard for the first probably 10secs and it will not stay hard after that. Thus, I feel very embarrassed and the person still kept rubbing my penis just to want it to get hard. Eventually, I did *** but my penis was not as hard as when I masturbate alone.

When someone does the job for me, I did close my eyes and imagine as if I was masturbating myself. But it didn't work and I still feel very embarrassed. Till not I'm still not dare to engage any sexual activities with the person. Probably, the person will think I have a erection problem.

Can you please help me to overcome this issue asap?

Thanks and much appreciated.
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Avatar universal
There is nothing wrong with you, bcboy43. You are young and healthy, so this is probably just a case of anxiety. Don't worry. I'm sure things will improve with time, as you and your girlfriend get to know each other better.

If the situation persists, you should go see a doctor (urologist). Don't be ashamed to seek professional help: ED is a very common problem and doctors are there to help us. And even if this is purely psychological, your urologist will be able to help you and prescribe you an effective treatment.

When I was your age, I suffered from premature ejaculation. Anxiety was also the reason - and a stupid sexual partner that didn't help at all - but things improved with time. Like LayLay said, it was all in the head.

One last suggestion: you could try some valerian pills before sex. Valerian root is not an ED treatment, but it is often used as a mild sedative and may be helpful in cases of sexual performance anxiety. It is completely natural and safe (no side effects whatsoever).
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It sounds like to me that you have some serious anxiety. You trust yourself. You know yourself. So you are comfortable with yourself and you please yourself. You are not, however, comfortable with allowing someone else to please you. Why don't you try closing your eyes and doing what you do when you are alone except guide her hand on you and imagine whatever you do to please yourself. Let her in your world. I know I'm not a man but I am perfectly capable of pleasing myself, but have had trouble with someone else being able to please me. The actual act of someone touching my genitalia seems to shut my arousel completely down. I have been learning though to combine me pleasing myself only guiding his hands and allowing him to participate. It's all in your head. You have to let her in the sexual experience. Try the oral sex later. Right now you have to get use to allowing someone else to please you. Concentrate on how good it feels not on how well you will perform. All will come in time. Just my opinion.
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