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Erection Concerns (Expert Forum)
Erectal problem
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
Questions in the Erection Concerns Forum are being answered by Janice M Epp, PhD, a Clinical Sexologist from The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. This forum is for questions and discussions about the psychological aspects of Erection problems
Erectal problem
by cyrus73, Nov 04, 2008 04:35AM
I am 35 since I was 25 I havent been able to keep an erection for long I am with my new girlfriend for 5 months we had sex maybe 7 time out the month and I always loss my erection is there something wrong with me also I masterbate alot could that be my problem?
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Nov 04, 2008 06:24PM
, Nov 04, 2008 06:24PMTo: cyrus73
Hello.
First, self-pleasuring does not make erections go away. In fact, some men find that the more they self-pleasure, they more turned on they get in partner sex as well.
Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their sexuality. Great sex involves your whole body; in fact, having great, mutually satisfying sex is usually quite the opposite of what you see in those performance-oriented sex videos.
The more you think of sex as being about performance, the more worries you'll have. If you're stressed, you'll probably worry even more. And this can be a vicious circle. For most of us, sex is about fun and pleasure. If you think of it as performance, or a “job,” you’ll set yourself for a stressful experience. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.
Two other reasons why you might not be having erections are that you’re bored with your current partner or the sexual activities you’re doing together, or that there are some conflicts in the relationship and you’re feeling anxious or angry.
It’s also important to remember that if you’re having erections at other times besides with a partner (morning erections, being sexual with yourself, etc.), chances are there aren’t any physical causes. If you aren’t EVER having erections, see your physician for a check-up, because you might have a medical condition that’s interfering. Good luck! Dr. J
First, self-pleasuring does not make erections go away. In fact, some men find that the more they self-pleasure, they more turned on they get in partner sex as well.
Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their sexuality. Great sex involves your whole body; in fact, having great, mutually satisfying sex is usually quite the opposite of what you see in those performance-oriented sex videos.
The more you think of sex as being about performance, the more worries you'll have. If you're stressed, you'll probably worry even more. And this can be a vicious circle. For most of us, sex is about fun and pleasure. If you think of it as performance, or a “job,” you’ll set yourself for a stressful experience. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.
Two other reasons why you might not be having erections are that you’re bored with your current partner or the sexual activities you’re doing together, or that there are some conflicts in the relationship and you’re feeling anxious or angry.
It’s also important to remember that if you’re having erections at other times besides with a partner (morning erections, being sexual with yourself, etc.), chances are there aren’t any physical causes. If you aren’t EVER having erections, see your physician for a check-up, because you might have a medical condition that’s interfering. Good luck! Dr. J
