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Erection Concerns (Expert Forum)
Newly found erection problems
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
Questions in the Erection Concerns Forum are being answered by Janice M Epp, PhD, a Clinical Sexologist from The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. This forum is for questions and discussions about the psychological aspects of Erection problems
Newly found erection problems
by JacksonM, Jul 17, 2008 11:03PM
I have, as of late, been noticing problems maintaining my erections. It never used to be a problem and could get maintain a erection during sex for hours. But one time a few months ago I was about to have sex with a different girl that I had just met and couldn't keep it up easily and had to stop. I was confident that this was some sort of mental block, that I was uncomfortable or something and I freaked out that I had ED eventhough I have never had problems before. Now I am with a girl I really like and we havent had sex yet but she went down on me before and I was fine with my erection but a few days ago she went down on me when i wasnt real hard and anxiety had kicked in and I went soft. I really want things to go back to how I was when I could last for hours but have no idea how to do that other than stop masturbating or something. I am a teenager in very, very good condition (work out 2 hours a day typically), non-smoker, healthy diet, and drink about once a week. I would strongly appreciate some input here
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Jul 18, 2008 01:12PM
, Jul 18, 2008 01:12PMTo: JacksomM
Hello.
You already have the answer to your concern: as you stated, your anxiety is preventing you from relaxing and enjoying yourself. You're worrying about your erection, so, guess what? Self-fulfilling prophesy.
Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their sexuality. Great sex involves your whole body; in fact, having great, mutually satisfying sex is usually quite the opposite of what you see in those performance-oriented sex videos.
The more you think of sex as being about performance, the more worries you'll have. If you're stressed, you'll probably worry even more. And this can be a vicious circle. For most of us, sex is about fun and pleasure. If you think of it as performance, or a “job,” you’ll set yourself for a stressful experience. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.
Erections and orgasms come and go throughout life. Nothing stays the same forever. Sometimes you may have erections for hours, and other times for minutes. Either way, if you accept this and stop putting this pressure on yourself, you'll enjoy your sexuality for the rest of your life. If you ask women what makes a great lover, most will tell you it's not about performance, but rather about attitude. Good luck! Dr. J
You already have the answer to your concern: as you stated, your anxiety is preventing you from relaxing and enjoying yourself. You're worrying about your erection, so, guess what? Self-fulfilling prophesy.
Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their sexuality. Great sex involves your whole body; in fact, having great, mutually satisfying sex is usually quite the opposite of what you see in those performance-oriented sex videos.
The more you think of sex as being about performance, the more worries you'll have. If you're stressed, you'll probably worry even more. And this can be a vicious circle. For most of us, sex is about fun and pleasure. If you think of it as performance, or a “job,” you’ll set yourself for a stressful experience. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.
Erections and orgasms come and go throughout life. Nothing stays the same forever. Sometimes you may have erections for hours, and other times for minutes. Either way, if you accept this and stop putting this pressure on yourself, you'll enjoy your sexuality for the rest of your life. If you ask women what makes a great lover, most will tell you it's not about performance, but rather about attitude. Good luck! Dr. J
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