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Erection Concerns (Expert Forum)
getting another erection after penetration
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
Questions in the Erection Concerns Forum are being answered by Janice M Epp, PhD, a Clinical Sexologist from The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. This forum is for questions and discussions about the psychological aspects of Erection problems
getting another erection after penetration
by Donaven, Jan 19, 2009 09:22AM
I have a problem getting another erection after a penetration stops, even without ejaculation. Is this normal?
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Jan 26, 2009 05:53PM
, Jan 26, 2009 05:53PMTo: Donaven
Hello.
I assume by "normal" you're asking whether there could be some physican problem. Remember that "normal" sexual behavior is an entirely subjective concept and varies from person to person. Everyone is different. Some men have erections lasting for hours (which can be painful), but for most men, erections come and go. This will happen all your life, so stop worrying.
It sounds like you feel you have to put on some kind of performance when you're being sexual. The more you think of sex as being about performance, the more worries you'll have. If you're stressed, you'll probably worry even more. And this can be a vicious circle. For most of us, sex is about fun and pleasure. If you think of it as performance, or a “job,” you’ll set yourself for a stressful experience. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.
It may be that you're not erect because you're not turned on, or you're feeling anxious, or a combination of many things.
As I said, if you stop worrying about it, your penis will be much more cooperative. Remember that sex is about much more than just erections.
Once you can relax and stop putting pressure on yourself, you'll have much more fun. Good luck! Dr. J
I assume by "normal" you're asking whether there could be some physican problem. Remember that "normal" sexual behavior is an entirely subjective concept and varies from person to person. Everyone is different. Some men have erections lasting for hours (which can be painful), but for most men, erections come and go. This will happen all your life, so stop worrying.
It sounds like you feel you have to put on some kind of performance when you're being sexual. The more you think of sex as being about performance, the more worries you'll have. If you're stressed, you'll probably worry even more. And this can be a vicious circle. For most of us, sex is about fun and pleasure. If you think of it as performance, or a “job,” you’ll set yourself for a stressful experience. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.
It may be that you're not erect because you're not turned on, or you're feeling anxious, or a combination of many things.
As I said, if you stop worrying about it, your penis will be much more cooperative. Remember that sex is about much more than just erections.
Once you can relax and stop putting pressure on yourself, you'll have much more fun. Good luck! Dr. J
