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Erection Concerns (Expert Forum)
hunny having trouble
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
Questions in the Erection Concerns Forum are being answered by Janice M Epp, PhD, a Clinical Sexologist from The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. This forum is for questions and discussions about the psychological aspects of Erection problems
hunny having trouble
by anj_mayberry, Oct 06, 2009 06:31PM
My hubby is 25 and was in a car accident that crushed 3 vertibre's in hisback when he was 18. Rodchester made a plaster out of 2 of his ribbs and fused his back together. He was told he had a 20% chance to walk again...he does walk but he walks on his heels instead of the balls of his feet like normal....He dont have trouble getting an errection but he has trouble keeping one and for him to ejactulate takes 2 hours. not that i am complaining or anything i just want to know what we can do to make things easyer for us. He worrys that he dont please me, i keep telling him i would still lay next to him even if we never had sex again but for some reason it is not enough.
we have tryed porn, role play, sper of the moment public places, i have even let him be with another woman and that didn't work. what do i do now?
thanks doc
anj mayberry and Joe nerpel
we have tryed porn, role play, sper of the moment public places, i have even let him be with another woman and that didn't work. what do i do now?
thanks doc
anj mayberry and Joe nerpel
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Oct 12, 2009 12:41PM
, Oct 12, 2009 12:41PMTo: anj_mayberry
Hi Anj.
There are two issues here: The first is whether your husband’s injury has affected his orgasmic ability. To determine whether this is true, he should see a urologist for testing. I don’t know if you use condoms, but it’s also possible that he may not be receiving enough stimulation because some of the thicker brands of condoms can interfere with adequate stimulation.
The second issue is his attitudes about being sexual. After the accident, he may have experienced some loss of self-esteem. This can greatly affect sexuality. However, there are also other possibilities that may complicate this picture. Something may have happened in the relationship that has created a distance between the two of you, and he may be distracting himself so he doesn’t have to confront his feelings.
He may be conflicted about being sexual with you, or sex with you is no longer satisfying for him, or there may be some unresolved issues in your relationship, or he’s angry about something, and other issues too numerous to discuss here.
The only way for you to get to the bottom of this is to open up a dialogue with him about it. Don’t be defensive, and don’t attack him. He may even be unaware of what’s going on. It’s important to be understanding and realize that you’re in this together, so it’s not just HIS problem. I’d suggest a positive approach in which you both learn more about sexual pleasure as a way to open up a dialogue. How about reading a book together and talking about it? I highly recommend Bernie Zilbergeld’s “The New Male Sexuality,” which is widely available online. This is an excellent discussion-starter and has a wealth of information about men, their attitudes about sex, sexual response, etc. It’s time for the two of you to get experimental and rebuild your sexuality together as a couple. Best of luck to you both. Dr. J
There are two issues here: The first is whether your husband’s injury has affected his orgasmic ability. To determine whether this is true, he should see a urologist for testing. I don’t know if you use condoms, but it’s also possible that he may not be receiving enough stimulation because some of the thicker brands of condoms can interfere with adequate stimulation.
The second issue is his attitudes about being sexual. After the accident, he may have experienced some loss of self-esteem. This can greatly affect sexuality. However, there are also other possibilities that may complicate this picture. Something may have happened in the relationship that has created a distance between the two of you, and he may be distracting himself so he doesn’t have to confront his feelings.
He may be conflicted about being sexual with you, or sex with you is no longer satisfying for him, or there may be some unresolved issues in your relationship, or he’s angry about something, and other issues too numerous to discuss here.
The only way for you to get to the bottom of this is to open up a dialogue with him about it. Don’t be defensive, and don’t attack him. He may even be unaware of what’s going on. It’s important to be understanding and realize that you’re in this together, so it’s not just HIS problem. I’d suggest a positive approach in which you both learn more about sexual pleasure as a way to open up a dialogue. How about reading a book together and talking about it? I highly recommend Bernie Zilbergeld’s “The New Male Sexuality,” which is widely available online. This is an excellent discussion-starter and has a wealth of information about men, their attitudes about sex, sexual response, etc. It’s time for the two of you to get experimental and rebuild your sexuality together as a couple. Best of luck to you both. Dr. J
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