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Erection Concerns (Expert Forum)
male 21 years old issues
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
Questions in the Erection Concerns Forum are being answered by Janice M Epp, PhD, a Clinical Sexologist from The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. This forum is for questions and discussions about the psychological aspects of Erection problems
male 21 years old issues
by Mike021, Aug 10, 2008 01:25PM
Good Day Dr. J
Dr. this is with regard to my sexual life. I have lots of issues, this might be petty issues but really it affects my person. I found out that the average size of an adults penis is 16cm and mine is only 9cm. Will my size still increase? what can i do to even stretch it a bit? i know i am insecure but this affects my psychological status. I have a sexual life but more or less once in 2 months and i notice that i will easily finish. Why is this Dr? and right now i feel that my size even is decreasing. Dr. sometimes i cannot help it but to do it by myself just to release the tension and the disturbance that my mind has since i sometimes am wanting to but i cannot since i do not have someone to do it with.
Dr. one last thing, why am i bothered with my size? why do i seek for the pleasure often? when i know i cannot have the pleasure since there is no one? Would masturbation affect the size and the length of time i will finish?
Thank You
Dr. this is with regard to my sexual life. I have lots of issues, this might be petty issues but really it affects my person. I found out that the average size of an adults penis is 16cm and mine is only 9cm. Will my size still increase? what can i do to even stretch it a bit? i know i am insecure but this affects my psychological status. I have a sexual life but more or less once in 2 months and i notice that i will easily finish. Why is this Dr? and right now i feel that my size even is decreasing. Dr. sometimes i cannot help it but to do it by myself just to release the tension and the disturbance that my mind has since i sometimes am wanting to but i cannot since i do not have someone to do it with.
Dr. one last thing, why am i bothered with my size? why do i seek for the pleasure often? when i know i cannot have the pleasure since there is no one? Would masturbation affect the size and the length of time i will finish?
Thank You
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Aug 11, 2008 04:00PM
, Aug 11, 2008 04:00PMTo: Mike021
Hi Mike:
You’re concerned about two very common issues: the size of your penis and worries about self-pleasuring. Believe me, you're not alone. Almost every man I've talked to has the same worries.
Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their penis. Locker room etiquette dictates no staring, so most men have only glimpsed other penis sizes and shapes in commercial sex videos, which generally feature men with large penises. If you think everyone else looks like a male porn star, of course you’re going to feel inadequate!
Another contributing factor is that while most men see their penises several times a day while urinating, they’re usually staring down at their penis, creating a visual distortion that makes it appear smaller than it actually is.
Just as some women associate being “sexy” with having big breasts, many men spend their lives wishing they had the allegedly perfect porn star penis, and this can affect their sexual enjoyment. Certainly, penises are important to sex, but great sex involves your whole body; in fact, having great, mutually satisfying sex is usually quite the opposite of what you see in those performance-oriented sex videos. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.
Like noses, penises all have the same basic shape, with some variation. Did you know that you can’t tell the size of a man’s erect penis based on what it looks like when flaccid (un-erect)? Most penises erect to between 4 and 6 inches, and there’s not much variation in erection size (with exceptions, of course). However, when flaccid, there is much more variation. Some men’s penises are 1 inch when flaccid (we’ll call these growers), and others are 5 inches (we’ll call these show-ers). BUT: during erection, the 1-inch penis may grow to the same 6-inch erect size as the 5-incher. That’s right; despite their differences when flaccid, they’ll both erect to approximately the same size. Why don’t most of us realize this? Because most of us just don’t get the opportunity to see men when they’re flaccid and then erect. And did I mention shrinkage? When men are cold or nervous, the penis and testicles pull up into the body for protection (“I’m hiding!”). If you see a penis right after it’s been in a cold swimming pool, I guarantee it will not resemble its erect self in any way!
Almost everyone feels insecure about masturbation—or self-pleasuring. We all want to know that what WE do is OK.
Well, I’m here to tell you that whatever works for you is what works for you, and please stop worrying and enjoy your life. Here are some facts about self-pleasuring:
It’s the surest way to orgasm and the most effective way to learn about our sexual response cycle, as well as the surest way men to learn orgasmic control. If you feel you come too quickly, the surest way to slow down is to teach yourself a new pattern via self-pleasuring.
Another advantage is self-knowledge: How can you show a partner what you like if you don’t know yourself?
And the #1 reason for self-pleasuring: it’s FUN!
Remember that all our scientific data show that the people who take responsibility for their OWN pleasure have the best sex lives and rate themselves as happiest about their sexuality.
I understand you have concerns about your penis size. Rather than worrying about making it bigger, how about accepting it as a valuable part of your body, just the way it is? I promise you’ll be happier for it. Dr. J
You’re concerned about two very common issues: the size of your penis and worries about self-pleasuring. Believe me, you're not alone. Almost every man I've talked to has the same worries.
Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their penis. Locker room etiquette dictates no staring, so most men have only glimpsed other penis sizes and shapes in commercial sex videos, which generally feature men with large penises. If you think everyone else looks like a male porn star, of course you’re going to feel inadequate!
Another contributing factor is that while most men see their penises several times a day while urinating, they’re usually staring down at their penis, creating a visual distortion that makes it appear smaller than it actually is.
Just as some women associate being “sexy” with having big breasts, many men spend their lives wishing they had the allegedly perfect porn star penis, and this can affect their sexual enjoyment. Certainly, penises are important to sex, but great sex involves your whole body; in fact, having great, mutually satisfying sex is usually quite the opposite of what you see in those performance-oriented sex videos. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.
Like noses, penises all have the same basic shape, with some variation. Did you know that you can’t tell the size of a man’s erect penis based on what it looks like when flaccid (un-erect)? Most penises erect to between 4 and 6 inches, and there’s not much variation in erection size (with exceptions, of course). However, when flaccid, there is much more variation. Some men’s penises are 1 inch when flaccid (we’ll call these growers), and others are 5 inches (we’ll call these show-ers). BUT: during erection, the 1-inch penis may grow to the same 6-inch erect size as the 5-incher. That’s right; despite their differences when flaccid, they’ll both erect to approximately the same size. Why don’t most of us realize this? Because most of us just don’t get the opportunity to see men when they’re flaccid and then erect. And did I mention shrinkage? When men are cold or nervous, the penis and testicles pull up into the body for protection (“I’m hiding!”). If you see a penis right after it’s been in a cold swimming pool, I guarantee it will not resemble its erect self in any way!
Almost everyone feels insecure about masturbation—or self-pleasuring. We all want to know that what WE do is OK.
Well, I’m here to tell you that whatever works for you is what works for you, and please stop worrying and enjoy your life. Here are some facts about self-pleasuring:
It’s the surest way to orgasm and the most effective way to learn about our sexual response cycle, as well as the surest way men to learn orgasmic control. If you feel you come too quickly, the surest way to slow down is to teach yourself a new pattern via self-pleasuring.
Another advantage is self-knowledge: How can you show a partner what you like if you don’t know yourself?
And the #1 reason for self-pleasuring: it’s FUN!
Remember that all our scientific data show that the people who take responsibility for their OWN pleasure have the best sex lives and rate themselves as happiest about their sexuality.
I understand you have concerns about your penis size. Rather than worrying about making it bigger, how about accepting it as a valuable part of your body, just the way it is? I promise you’ll be happier for it. Dr. J
Short answer: no. Almost everything you've heard about self-pleasuring is a myth. As I said, self-pleasuring can be beneficial in many ways. In particular, it will give you lots of practice. And remember that people self-pleasure from birth to death. It's just one of many sexual options we have. Once you have a partner, you may find--as many do--that you still enjoy being sexual with yourself as well--and that's just fine. Remember that variety is the spice of life! Dr. J