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Morbidly Obese
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Morbidly Obese


  I have a really good friend whom I known for about 5 years. She has always had a major weight issue she is 21 yrs about 5'  330 lbs. However, Two days ago I took her to a fair and thought we'd hit the rides seeing I had another friend come along also. The sad news is once we go on the rides the guy that ran the ride told my friend she couldn't go on the ride because she was too big. I noticed her having to stop and sit down almost every 5 minutes. She was panting really heavily and sweating. When my other friend and I did lunch my friend managed to order 2 large soda, 2 Jumbo corn dogs, 2 cheese fries and a hamburger. She takes the subject "exercise" very critically. However whenever I mention it I'm always talking about myself. My friend and I want to help her but we really do not know what to do or how to tell her without hurting her feelings or making her really angry. I'm concerned deeply for her and I don't want anything bad to happen.

What should I do?

Jezzy
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16 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
You should tackle it from a 'health" concern, rather than a "physical concern. She knows she is very obese, and she does care. She is probably unwilling to talk about it because it is hard for her. Perhaps she feels that you are being critical. I know that you only have her best interest at heart, but sometimes the person you are addressing does not see it that way. Maybe you should invite her out for a walk.Are you or your other friend overweight? Just curious. Not that it matters, but maybe she feels like you don't understand her situation. I have learned over many years that people will not change anything about themselves unless they TRULY want to, and in some cases NEED to. Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you find the strength to pull yourself backup. I would suggest just being a good friend and perhaps set an example for her on how to eat healthy and exercise. Maybe she will see that it does nothing but good. Best of luck!  
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Avatar_n_tn
Hey jezzy..I was morbidly obese at one time also..and frankly no one could of told me what I didn't already know..People who are obese already know it..we know all the health issues that go with it..we have heard the snickers and watched people stare..and put up with the ridicule...love your friend for who she is...let her know that she's special to you regardless of her size..NO ONE would choose to be fat if they had a choice...NO ONE...and only your friend can decide for herself when and how she wants to make a change...you pushing won't get her there..it will only increase her feelings of low self esteem...I understand your concern...but she won't...I know..I've been there..and those who made remarks about my weight..I always figured didn't really like me for who I was any way...make sense?..
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Avatar_n_tn
I am Morbidly Obese, More so than your friend and I wanted to tell you,  I would give anything if one of the people who claim to love and care for me would simply ask me,  If there were anything they could do to help me become healthy.  ANYTHING !!!!  She needs you to ask her so please do.

Lunaya
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Avatar_n_tn
I too am morbidly obese, weighing in at 305 lbs. and I have a disability. I've had people stop me and tell me there are "places" for people like me.  I've had people pull over in their cars and shout obscenities at me.  I can't afford a gym and I really don't know where to start.  Being obese and exercising alone can be very lonely and can feel like a punishment.  I have wonderful friends who seem to enjoy spending time with me - but certainly not to exercise.  I've invited friends over to use the free pool and aside from a couple of visits nothing.  If you're serious about helping your friend, see if there is something you could do together - even once a week would help.  Maybe dancing in her livingroom.  Good luck!
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Avatar_n_tn
To Termite Roger:

I was struck by your comment that you cannot afford a gym membership.  I pay $30/month at Gold's Gym, so quite honestly, I think that you are using money as an excuse.  Bite the bullet and take care of yourself.  I wish you the best.  
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi Termite,
Your obesity can be lethal as it is only going to increase and never decrease unless you intervene.
Do you have any cosmetic surgeon around?
If yes, then pay a visit to him and decide regarding intervention for the sake of not having lethal complication due to that.
I would assert what kk11 has said. Once you go to gym it is addictive and you would enjoy more and more. Meanwhile you can make new friends there. I am sure money is not an excuse for not going to gym.
Anyways it is healthy to go to gym if you can manage to.
Keep me posted if you have ant queries.
Bye.
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Avatar_m_tn
Morbidly obese people are usually too ashamed our bodies to go to a gym.  Also, most gyms are not made for true, morbidly obese people.  However, that does not mean that we cannot exercise, we can do it at home.  Several years ago I lost over 200 lbs by seeing a nutritionist.  I started exercising by walking inside my house.  I was too ashamed to walk outside and my knees also hurt too much and I needed to be able to sit down on a moment's notice.  Within two years I went from walking 3 minutes a day inside my house to walking all day long at the Disney Parks once a month and walking half an hour every day at the beach.  Unfortunately, I got myself off track and I stopped doing what I was supposed to do and I gained all the weight back.

Recently I decided that enough was enough and I was going to use the knowledge that is already in my head to lose the weight again, this time all of it and for good.  By the way, when I was walking the Disney Parks from 9 AM to 5 or 6 PM (and sometimes even longer) I still had about 150 lbs more to lose.  That tells me that I can do it again.  I started a blog to track my weight loss, my feelings and my progress.  If anyone is interested in doing what I'm doing or in following my progress, or even in recommending the blog to someone that you know needs to lose weight feel free to visit my blog at:  

http://formulaforalife.blogspot.com/

I called it formula for a life because that is exactly what it is.  An obese person, morbidly obese or not, does not have a good, comfortable, and happy life.  This blog is my formula for me to have healthy, happy life again.  But I would be very happy if it also became a blog that helped others achieve the same things.  

There is hope for us morbidly obese people.  There is no reason why we have to stay obese.  We can't blame others or expect others to do what we need to do for ourselves.  If you don't have a support system, be your own support system.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi

Morbid obesity need expert management involving a group of experts such as Psychiatrist, dietitians, exercise and physical therapists, behavioral scientists and/or psychologists, Bariatric surgeon.

A typical plan for the treatment can include the following:
• Weight loss as medical treatment
• Exercise programs
• Behavioral changes (including psychiatric consultations)
• Medications
• Treatment of coexisting conditions
• Surgery (in appropriate settings)

Morbidly obese patients need lots of support and expert medical care. You should advise/help your friend in seeking expert help as morbid obesity carries a serious risk of potentially fatal complications.

Regards

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724332_tn?1230914318
Hi there,

I suppose I could be described as morbidly obese, although I'm not sure how to calculate this. What a horrible description, though...morbid? Really? This term may be descriptive in a medical way, but it also paints folks into a box that they can't seem to get out of. The word represents the way the world looks at overweight people. Have you ever seen anyone ever call something or someone morbid without a grimace?

Anyway, I'm on my way to recovery from this disease. I recently tipped the scale at 410 (I'm 6'1"). I'm now down to 382, and my goal is to lose another 160 pounds over the next two years. It's a slow road, and I'm being pretty methodical about it.  I welcome your comments and would really appreciate anyone's support and encouragement as I make my journey.

As for those who are reading this who are also obese, try finding a source of inspiration, and not necessarily from your current group of friends and your family. Personally, I'm inspired by Ruby, who's sharing her weight loss journey with everyone who cares to watch on the Style Network. She's an amazing person, and not so different from all of us who struggle with this problem.

Oh, and Termite_Roger, $30/month can be prohibitive for some people, because that $30 is tangled up in a web of safety and comfort related to the basic human needs of food and shelter. I am so fortunate that a friend recently gave me a Bowflex home gym and my dad gave me money to buy a mountain bike sturdy enough to bear my weight. I can't imagine what I would have done if these gifts hadn't come my way. Money is pretty tight right now, and the cost and time I'd need to go to the gym would be hard to come by.



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637356_tn?1301928422
I am not obese but barely overweight and I can't afford to go to the gym. My paycheck doesn't even cover all the bills I have let alone a gym membership.  Not everyone is using money as an excuse. Times are hard right now for many. Wish I could be as lucky as you.

By the way I excerse on my own without a gym. Not always do you need a gym to lose weight.
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Avatar_n_tn
I also don't believe that people are using money as an excuse. Times are very hard. I personally would love to be able to join a gym,be able to go to a bariatric clinic or see a nutritionist but because of my financial situation that is not possible at this time.I personally need to lose quite a bit of weight and I am trying. Many people look at obese people as lazy but many obese individuals have major health problems that they have to overcome,some of which won't go away even with weightloss.
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Avatar_n_tn
I can relate. I have a membership and don't go. I am really ashamed and embarassed. It's hard because at first I belonged to NEW LADY FITNESS and I LOVED it. I didn't lose lots of pounds but I lot inches and clothes sizes and really liked the results.  
I didn't know how comfortable it was being around all women.  Then NewLady closed and I tried 24Hour Fitness. I HATED THE WAY THE MEN looked at me as I sweated it out on the equipment. I HATE IT. None of the women ever noticed each other no matter what size we were but I can't take the eyes of men.
So I joined Club Fitness that was supposed to be small and comfortable and the SAME THING.  Men staring at you eye-to-eye. Or watching how you use a certain machine...And the men trainers are SO  cocky.
I can't stand it.  I'm a registered nurse, I take care of very sick people, but I hate feeling so self-aware and then having those feelings reinforced I absolutely hate it.
So now I'm just getting fatter and fatter because I can't build up the courage to just swallow my pride and endure.  I feel so trapped.
Each day I say, I'm going today or I'm going tomorrow.  
But then these slow motion images of nosey men flash into my head. I'm not attractive they're not looking at ME, they're watching me sweat and breathe and I don't like that.
I never felt that way at new lady.  
I need to just get over it I guess and just go.
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Avatar_n_tn
I have learned to ignore everyones eyes when I go to the gym. I was so embarrased at first that I didn't go to my own gym for months.  I've started ignorning everyone when I go in there now.  I don't care if I sweat, grunt, or yell out loud.  I pay my fees just like everyone else.  
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Avatar_dr_m_tn
Hello!

Good to here that! Your focus is on the primary job, the reason for coming to a gym! You are not coming here to make buddies or foes; I agree I would do the same thing.

Plan a proper diet chart and go ahead!

Take care!
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Avatar_f_tn
Dr.Vinod, shame shame if you are a dr.  You should know better than to assume anyone's trying to make buddies at the gym. Analytical examination reveals many other reasons for NOT coming to the gym than lack of focus on the primary job.
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Avatar_f_tn
Just to be straight up with everyone: the gym is boring!! Point blank boring!!
The only thing(that's worked for me) is incorporate everything into a continuously active lifestyle whenever I can. Admittedly I'm not that active but whenever I can I do. For ex., walk to work, take stairs to other areas in work(also the elevators shake and rock too much),etc.
Awareness ahead of time  of what's to eat in the cafeteria if I didn't cook,etc.
Eat enough fat/carbs to not crave.
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