Scared to death....

Well where do I start..I don't even know if I should be posting here, but I'm so scared and am just looking for some support I guess. About one month ago me and my boyfriend did ecstasy . It was this first time I did it in about 6 years and back then I did it only a few times with no problems. I don't know why I did it and I reget it so much. I'm a good person just made a real bad choice and that choice is eating me up alive. I cry everyday and feel so depressed sometimes I don't know how I'm going to make it through this situation. My eyes have not been the same since that night. I get dizzy when I walk like I can feel myself bobbing up and down with each step and can't seem to focus on thing that are moving fast. I have this flog over my eyes and my eyes hurt like I'm straining them. I see little spots flickering all the time and judging distance is off. I get daily headaches I think cause my eyes hurt. Things just don't look normal. I went to the hospital and had a MRI done which came back normal. I had a blood test done which also came back normal. I went to the eye doctor and I got new glass's but I couldn't wear them cause they made me feel weirder then I was before. My stomach hurts everyday maybe stress. I'm going to see a specialist for my eyes in 2 weeks (Thats the only time I can get in) I don't know if I can make it. I'm scared I'll never be able to see normal again. I'm so stressed that I'm sure it make's it worse. I think my eyes have gotten better since the first few days after I did that stupid drug, but I feel stuck.....so hopeless

[EL18]

Hi Peanut,

Good news that you are seeing a specialist soon.  Don't beat yourself up too much, we all make mistakes and I would be really surprised if that could have caused such eye problems.

Re the glasses.  I have an eye condition which means I have to wear two lots of lenses at once, this doesn't cause a problem however  when I get new glasses this does.  It always takes me ages to get used to them and in the past I have taken many pairs back to get them changed, needless to say the prescription was right, it just means that your eyes have to be given time to adjust to the lense strengths.  It has taken weeks for my eyes to get used to new lenses.

Stick in there and let us know what happens.

Good luck..!

[John C Hagan]

Hello Peanut,  I'm one of the Forum Ophthalmologists. Illegal drugs affect people differently, what makes one "high" can kill another person taking the same amount of the same illegal drug.  It is unlikely that you have done any permanent damage to your eyes from your one time use of ecstacy. Ecstacy can damage the way your brain works through its not completely understood alterations in brain chemistry. The biggest risk for permanent damage is in frequent users.

I hope you're seeing an ophthalmologist (Eye MD) for a complete comprehensive, medical eye examination. I'm pretty sure you'll feel better afterwards. Be sure to take in the pair of glasses you had trouble adjusting to.

You have learned a great lesson. Our hospital has had a number of deaths from illegal drugs, otherwise healthy young people. Biggest problems the various forms of methamphetamine and IV heroin.

No one every thinks they're the ones that will have a bad or fatal reaction to illegal drugs.

JCH MD

[Peanut08]

Thank you for your responses. I am seeing a ophthalmologist (Eye MD). How do they fix the problems I'm having. I feel like I'm not here. I look in the mirror and I see a fog of a person. Could some of this be related to so much stress? Like a post stress disorder. After I did the drug when I was coming down I was so paranoid and scared and I saw things that weren't there. I did throw up that night also. I took 1 pill then later I took a half and I think another half later on, but I'm not sure exactly how much I took that night. I'm just so scared all the time its hard not to think about when its right in front of my face everyday.

[Peanut08]

Thank you for your responses. I am seeing a ophthalmologist (Eye MD). How do they fix the problems I'm having. I feel like I'm not here. I look in the mirror and I see a fog of a person. Could some of this be related to so much stress? Like a post stress disorder. After I did the drug when I was coming down I was so paranoid and scared and I saw things that weren't there. I did throw up that night also. I took 1 pill then later I took a half and I think another half later on, but I'm not sure exactly how much I took that night. I'm just so scared all the time its hard not to think about when its right in front of my face everyday.  

[John C Hagan]

I suspect that much maybe most of your problem is due to stress and anxiety. The Ophthalmologist will make sure there's no damage to your eyes or eye disease. I suspect that the exam will be normal and that you'll just have to wait for the effects of the drug to wear off, there is no treatment for them. It's kind of like LSD flashbacks, they get better with time and usually stop.

Changes are good you'll come out of this, in time, in good shape.

JCH MD

[Peanut08]

Thanks for writting and sorry if I just keep going on and on, but Can the side effects last this long though... more than a month? and not be permenent? Thanks so much for your help

[John C Hagan]

[John C Hagan]

I wouldn't worry about them being "permanent" until they lasted 6 - 9 months.

JCH MD

[mikej1736]

Is this the flickering spots your seeing?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visual_snow

I have this condition but I've never done any drugs.  I have however been experiencing anxiety lately.  These past 6 months I've had alot of it due to a pinched nerve which I thought was going to be a brain tumor or blood clots.  Ever since I've been ton edge and paranoid about everything on my body.  

If you find a doctor that can cure it, let me know!  Every ophthalmologist  I've seen doesn't know what it is.  Good luck with your other symptoms.  

[Peanut08]

Now I'm really scared. Is it possible I have hppd?????

[John C Hagan]

I think it unlikely you have visual snow or anything that won't get better with time. At this point what you really need is an eye examination and face to face discussion with an ophthalmologist. Keep your appointment and relax a little.

JCH MD

[Peanut08]

I know I need to relax but its so hard my appointment isn't until next weds its the soonest I could get. I just got scared when the other poster wrote about the visual snow cause I think thats what I'm seeing along with floaters I do see flashes sometimes. I'm just trying to make it until my appointment and this is my only real outlet with someone that knows what they are talking about. I wish I didn't even know that HPPD existed.