Get married soon, pay off all your bills, get a nice place to live, save some money, take a few nice vacations, live through all the Thanksgiving and Christmas rounds with both sets of in-laws, get your job nailed down and his job nailed down. Then try for a baby. Otherwise you are dooming yourself to poverty, arguments, stress and probable failure of the relationship. Not a pretty package to bring a child into. What are you going to do when it is no longer a cute baby and is now a mouthy 6-year-old who won't behave? You have to have a big savings account of tolerance and certainty to draw on, then. Good luck, I know the pull, but it's all emotions and no common sense.
That really depends on your definition of "wrong". Is it irresponsible? More than likely. Who is paying your bills---if you're living on your own, do you have insurance? Do you both own your own cars, pay grocery bills, pay for gas, have an education, have any intentions to do something with your future? Do either of you have jobs? If so, will they let you take a leave of absence once you have a baby? Can you afford to live on one income? Based on your age it's the general assumption you have no job that will go anywhere. (IE dead end job) If you do intend to go back to work after baby is born, who will watch the child. Will it be family, or daycare? If it's daycare, have you factored in cost? Daycare in my area is a couple hundred a day. It's even more expensive for a newborn. You're both 17. You're not even adults yet. You've hardly lived life, and have likely not even lived together long.
Then there's also the idea that you're getting married. I was engaged and got pregnant a few months before my wedding. 5 to be exact. The entire thing had to be called off and everything sent back. I got married when my daughter was 15 days old instead. No honeymoon, no time to enjoy just me and my husband, nothing. Could you two handle that in your first few years of marriage? The first 5 are hard, and a child makes it harder. You two won't get to go out together, you won't have any life. At all. This works for some people (it does for my husband and I) but it does get tiring sometimes. We have to plan even going to the store now.
If you want a personal opinion----I think you're both too young and need to enjoy life. You're too young for children, and you shouldn't rush life. After all...if you're both getting married and it's actually love and not puppy love you'll have the rest of your life to have children.
we have been together 1year and 5months. were friends before that. there are ways to get help with a baby and no one could deny me my baby. we have a place to stay and room for a baby. two 18 year olds with a baby dont sound so bad when there is never anything to do but clean houses for money. baby would be no problem. work until i have it or close to it let my husband take over when i cant work until i can work then we both work and i have lots of family that would love to baby sit for low money pay.
I think it is pretty common for 17 but ar olds to want a baby but there is so much to it. If there are complcations in the pregnancy then you will not be able to work so hubby would have to support you the whole time. Also, it is really hard to go back to work right after baby is born, emotionally and physically. Babies make many things more difficult and as much as we love them, they are a lot of work. It is great to have family willing to help but you want to be prepared to do this on your own. Cleaning houses when you are pregnant can be very difficult. Some chemicals are not good and as your body goes through changes it will be hard to do many of those cleaning tasks. You really should learn to enjoy eachother for a while first, at least for a couple of years. You have plenty of time for babies, enjoy your time together for now. It is never the same afterwards.
first of all; i would recommend focusing on education or career; even marriage is too early at 18; i am sure you both must be totally compatible but you are still a kid; as long as we are sure of long term relationship it is good to lead to a marriage; are you totally prepared for the baby responsibility; are you both working and independent? i might sound materialistic; good luck anyway.
An infant is easy to care for, they sit there all day and you feed him and burp him and change his diaper. He may cry every so often or maybe all the time, but I assume you are aware of that. What you need to think about is when that baby turns 1 and suddenly it's not as easy as filling a bottle of milk to feed him; now he needs breakfast, lunch and dinner. And not just any food, you have to make sure he can chew and swallow it and you will have to clean up the food that he will toss on the floor just because he knows you don't want him to. He doesn't just lie there anymore, he is running and climbing the chair and climbing the stairs and throwing balls narrowly missing the glass vase and you will have to constantly watch him and make sure he is safe. And changing his diaper now becomes struggling with a wiggly child who wont lay down because (god forbid) you need to change his dirty diaper.
Trust me the baby part IS the easy part, it's all the stuff after that that is the hardest part. If you don't have the full support of the father (who can help you hold him down while you tie his shoes) it will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do. You just have to look at your life now... Just for fun make breakfast, lunch and dinner for your parents everyday and then clean up after them and then change their clothes and watch where they walk in the house at every moment for one week (just picture that with a little person, trust me, it's the same amount of work and it doesn't include baths and putting them to sleep and waking up at 5am for a feeding).
I know I am rambling on.. and you probably think I am exaggerating to make it sound unpleasant to deter you from it, but I'm not. I am 28, married with a 2 year old child and I can't tell you how much I would LOVE to sleep in ONE day or sleep longer than 6 hours for that matter. It's not easy, save it for later in life when you've had a chance to enjoy every part of your youth.
Saying "no one can deny you your baby" makes it sound like you think the child is never going to be anything but. You are not using any words like "child" or "teenager." Do you think a baby does not grow up? As the ladies are saying, once a child is a toddler, there isn't even a chance to get a shower or dry your hair without the kid crying, getting into your makeup, or spilling something in the kitchen. A child can mess up the house faster than you can clean it. You seem to think you can hand off the child any time to others, it isn't always that easy to find help on your schedule.
Don't you have any life plans that are exciting? It sounds like you can't think of anything except this baby idea. Certainly there are better things to do when you are 17.
im out of school and the father would be here at all times other than work. i have always been good with babys and kids. i have always had a baby in my family and i have always loved to help out the best i could. i have had a job babysitting and i just love babys and kids at all ages. my soon to be husbands grandmother stays here with us and is here everyday until 3 so that is help for shower time for me and a little help cleaning since she also lives here. but the thing is i can get pregnant. i have tried and tried but nothing. i am not on meds. to get a period and be more fertil..... and no i dont think it would be easy to hand my baby to whoever whenever i know how that goes i have lots of friends and family with babys. i wouldn hand my baby top whoever to watch i would take care of it the only times i would get someone else to watch it would be for a break for me and the father and for the family to enjoy it a day or two at the time. maybe every few months. for a few yesrs now i have wanted someting i can take care of and give a nice life to and i can do that now even at 17 and i feel im 100% ready at 17 almost 18.
You seem to have unrealistic ideas."two 18 year olds with a baby dont sound so bad when there is never anything to do but clean houses for money. baby would be no problem."
Baby isn't going to stay little forever. My daughter is 8 months old. I can't even turn my back on her for 6 seconds without risk that she'll kill herself on something. You also seem to be under the impression that you will work up till term. That might sound realistic now, but you've also never been pregnant. It's not just a walk in the park. It hurts, it's long, and it can be complicated. Some women are put on bed rest early on. That means no sex, no moving except to use the bathroom and see your doctor. Nothing. You're also going to get bigger, and basic things get more difficult. You have no idea how your body will react. I spent 9 months vomiting nonstop and had trouble with food, liquid and weight.
You sound highly dependent on others, and that shows you're not prepared for the care of another life.
aj, with respect, the grandma didn't sign on to be your back-up babysitter. Whose house is it, yours? Or hers? She might get tired with this and ask you to move out. Where would you be then?
You have no interest in doing something exciting and interesting before being tied down with a child? Or do you just think there is nothing you would be able to do, no interesting school or exciting job or travel or anything, that is within your reach? 17 (and 18) are for finding yourself and having fun. It sounds like you are trying to fill that gap with a baby.
I agree with the comments here and think that just the fact that you are having to ask in a public forum shows that you are not ready or mature enough for a child! I wasn't a mother until I was 30 and, looking back, I am SO grateful that things turned out the way that they did! I can't imagine having children when I was less mature than I am now.
i dont think it makes me less mature that i said i could have the grandma watch the child for a ten minute shower. i do everything for her now she would never mind in a million years to watch the child ten minutes a day for a shower. an no my interest is to have a baby that will turn into a child and teen and adult. i know babys grow as i said i have done lots and lots of baby sitting through out my whole life. i had to grow up fast i was abused as a child up to about 13 years old by a guy that wasn even my dad and my mom was never home when she was she was high on pills. so i grew up fast and moved out fast. when i moved out at first my life was nothing but party and friends now im ready to grow up have a job and start on a family of my own. and i didnt ask this question because im not mature or ready i asked to see what others thought of the idea.....
Im going to tell you right now as a former teen mom it's hard! I had my first son when I was 17 and it was very unplanned. Im now married to his father and we have more children but if I could have waited I would have. Live your life and have fun right now. In a few short years you'll be much better off having children.
Honey, I was 37 years old when I had my first child and it was HARD. No sleep, ER visits, hospital visits, colic, surgery, acid reflux, special formula at $200 a month or more depending on how much he ate. And this is with a very good job, insurance, etc.
PARENTING IS HARD. Don't believe the whole "oh they sleep all the time" because while that is partially true, they also sleep for 1.5 hours at a time in the middle of the night.
Seriously, get an education in childcare and work at a daycare facility with babies. Or become a neonatal nurse. You don't have to become a parent at 17/18 to be with babies.
I would never, ever encourage my child to have a baby as a teen let alone early 20s if they didn't live life and have an education. TRUST ME.
And to add, it's not that I never loved my son. I love him beyond words. But there is also consideration of your own health. Post partum depression is real. So real that my son's medical issues combined with the PPD = big IF on the 2nd child. He's amazing, loving, and my whole world. But the negatives of being a parent? I don't know if I can handle it at 37. Now if I were 17-18 years old? It would be a definate no way. Wait until you're older.
Good luck on making the right choice. Having a baby is more than just satisfying YOUR needs. Do what is right for someone else. (don't do it)
What is often seen on this site is women who are past 30 expressing their interest in having kids but also telling the truth about their realistic doubts, and teenagers under 18 expressing their strong, driven desire to have kids and swearing they have no realistic doubts and demanding people to tell them there *are* no realistic doubts.
Sweetheart, please listen to the people who have been there with kids. We have all, also been 17. Especially listen to the ones who had kids unexpectedly when young, and had to deal with the struggle to be a mom when still developing their reserves of patience and clarity of thought.
I saw a very young mom in a restaurant the other day, trying to talk to her boyfriend (we were in the next seats at one of those big, open places where you are practically sitting next to each other) about something he had done that she was annoyed about (it sounded like he had paid attention to another girl) and her child of about age 3 was wanting her attention. She would yell at the boyfriend, and then turn and lash out at the child to shut up, then yell at the boyfriend some more. Every fourth word was unprintable, and though she was not saying those to her child, she was saying them clearly enough to the boyfriend that I could hear them fine, so obviously her child could too. It was really unhappy.
I know you will read this and swear this will not be you, because you have been a babysitter so long and know everything that goes into it. But please try to assess your patience level and your typical reactions when things happen that are out of your control (and out of control in general, because with kids, that is what will happen at times for sure). When I was 17, I was working the 6 am shift at a restaurant and going to high school, and awfully tired just from that. One day during that stint, my dog came up to me and wanted my attention when I got home. I yelled at the dog, who I loved, and then thought, "Boy, if this is just me with a dog, how would I be with a child?" My own rush of impatience was enough to make it clear to me that I was nowhere near ready to have kids, at that point.
Isn't there anything more you want out of life? It is sure easier to get it when it is just you, to take care of, than when you are carrying around a little ball and chain.
As with the other ladies, I have to make clear I love my little ball and chain and went to great lengths to get him. :) But it doesn't mean I would fight anyone who comments that parenthood is hard work.
i understand its hard work trust me i have two kittens i treat as babys as i have the past few weeks. i act as if there babys and kids and watch there every move clean up after them all day and wake up a million times a night to feed them + bottle feeding a new born kitten is big practice feeding every two hours and cleaning up and all. i understand how hard it will be but for some reason i cant shake this big feeling that seems to be in my heart to have a child. i just want a child so bad to love and care for its all i ever think about and stress over. all the worie in the world would be worth it to me. and i have been through a lot in life to know how hard things can be even just being 17.....
I believe you, sweetheart. A lot of kids who have been in abusive situations are ready to fight the abuse and neglect they suffered, and one way they often think of to fight it is to try to immediately have a baby to show those abusive people how it all should be done and everything will turn out happily ever after. But wanting to have a child does not mean you need to have a child now. You're 17, still healing from the scars of the past. Say you found a job where someone noticed that you have a good head on your shoulders, and got you some interesting responsibility with more to come. You bootstrapped from that and got some more education, say trade school if you don't like academia, or academia if it seemed to have a good connection to the interesting work you are starting to do. Say then that you got yourself really settled in a nice place, really were able to make it totally your own. The next thing you might want to do, once you were feeling secure in your job and like a real contributor there, could possibly be to put the pains of the past to bed. (I've noticed that we really only can work on the past when things are going pretty well and looking hopeful for the future, instead of when everything is kind of frozen in place because it might all crash.) You could make some good long-term plans then, and be emotionally free. Once you're at that place, then you have the depth of emotional energy you need to be a really great parent, not a stressed parent with no goals and not enough money and worries up to here and a short fuse. To be a good parent, you have to give and give and give. It takes so much to do it right, unlike the miniscule effort the yelling girl was expending at the restaurant to do it wrong. I know you want to patch the holes in your heart caused by the mistreatment you suffered in the past, but please, do it with your adult relationships and your efforts to find a good spot in the world. Once you have all those pieces together for yourself, and get the pieces assembled for a child, bring that child into your world, but not until you have all the pieces in place to be able to give it your best.
another reason i want a child now is im scared the older i get i wont be able to cuz i do have problems keeping me from being able to have children that im trying to fight off now and have a kid while i can. i dont want to lose my chance of having a child of my own to love and care for and give the best life i can better that what i had. thanx for being so understanding annie
How do you know you have problems? Just because you're not pregnant now doesn't mean anything. You've posted you've tried for a month on your journals and profile. I'm sorry, but what you're saying still isn't justification. Children are different than babysitting and definitely different than pets.
the reason i said anything about a pet is cuz there lots of work. i want a baby and nothing is going to change that or stop me from trying. i know i can take care of a baby and im ready. im done with the party life ready to settle dowbn with a family. thats all i care about and i have a heart big enough for it. i have no family or anything anymore and i want my own. i want the family i should have always had but i cant get it and change my family. i was abused and raped.... family is nothing but a word to me and i want to see how it should have been for me... now im crying. i just want a baby and my own family!!!!:,( im so hurt and scared and all i can ever think about is having a kid!!!:,( i see all these happy familys and thats what i want. thats all i have ever wanted.
Having been through the same things, I can say all I do with confidence. I was beaten and raped for 15 years, for by my father and then by my step-brother. I've been through things that people can't even imagine, and still struggle with it. I wake up screaming at night with dreams about what he did to me and my sister.
Having had a daughter and now being married, I can tell you know that, while you think a family and child will change that, nothing will. Children DO NOT fix those holes. They help to make your future better, but they also add extreme amounts of stress as well. I remember when I was around 5 months PP. Depression hit me hard and fast. You're more likely to have it when you have a traumatic past. Can you handle working all day long, and then coming home with a screaming baby and being up all night long too? Can you handle housework, shopping, laundry, bills, AND a baby? What about the fights and arguments with your spouse/boyfriend as well? You can't say it won't happen, because it will, and that's a fact. What happens when you hit 21, and you can't do anything because you have a baby in the house. When will you go out and do anything? You can't depend on family to do that stuff.
You say all this stuff about being ready, but everything you say shows the complete opposite. Pets compared to children are nothing. If that's a lot of work, you're in for a very rude awakening when you have children. Yes, I'm being very harsh in what I say, but it's because it's VERY obvious you're not prepared for children yet. How do you know you're done with a party life? You're not even LEGAL yet. Hell, you're not even an adult yet.
I understand you want a happy family, but families aren't all happiness and rainbows. They're stressful, hard and long. Statistically, odds are you and your boyfriend won't even stay together. You say he will, but you don't know that. Many young teenage men leave their partner when she's pregnant or when the babies born. We see stories of it everyday. People change. Never assume you'll be that lucky case. If you honestly believe you'll have a baby and things will be perfect and happy, you're extremely naive.
i dont want drama from this question. ya know it would be nice to get one good thing on here. i dont need people telling me im not ready. only i know when im ready and i am ready. party time is over cuz the whole time i did party it was drama. i mean we all have our sad story to tell me raped abused stolen from by my MOTHER while my lil sister was crowned princess. never even touched other than to love. me only touched to hit or throw into a wall just because i wasnt feeling good. nevre had my real dad growing up until a few months ago i met him 4the first time. now. my mom lives in quinby is off drugs but has nothing to do with me now that she can no longer hurt or steal from me. my ''father figure'' is on drugs and only uses me. i dont want a child to cover the past pain i know it will never go away. but a baby would take it off my mind sometimes and I WOULD LOVE IT to no end. im also not sayin a baby is like an animal i said that for the simple fact that some people say fallow ur g.ma around all day or whatever well a kitten bottle fed every two hours is more work that a g.ma. and still i HAVE to do the kitty thing i have two and had one baby one that was fed out the bottle. im sorry for what was done to u grown up but we all have a sad story :( things happen that nevre should to people that should not have done to them but it happens and ill never know why until i get to heaven and ask my lord and savior jesus. just didnt want to ignore that part of what u said.
another reason i know im done with the partying is because my mom was on drugs my whole childhood and a drunk as well as whoever was my father figure at that time. always keep up all night to fussing about drugs and beer and money. i will nevr give my child that life if i am ever able to have a child. i will be the best mother that i can be no matter how old i am or young.
Yes, but you'll also struggle so much more. It's not only about what you want, it's about that baby. What responsibilities have you had? Do you pay bills, buy your own food, buy your own gas, pay your own car insurance? You can't live with family forever.
I don't tell you my story because it's a sad story. My past means nothing. It's to tell you that I've been there and that it honestly doesn't mean you're ready or should have children. I've seen so often that people say we can't 'preach' because we've not been in their place, but I have.
You asked for the opinion honey...can't get mad when people tell you it's too soon. I've cared for animals too - nothing even remotely close to a newborn.
I suggest you get a good job with insurance, go back to school, get married, be in your marriage a while and then once you've got savings and a solid foundation you should start to try. Until then wanting a baby is just for selfish reasons.
aj, you say you'll be the best mother you can be. A best mother doesn't bring a baby into a less-than-ideal situation if time and preparation on your part can make a huge amount of difference in the life of her child. Please lavish all that love you have that is just waiting, on your boyfriend / soon to be husband. That will give you two the foundation, and fuel your ability to work hard and plan, and save up and prepare.
The ladies here are not at all saying that you won't be a great Mum. I am sure you can and will be! Sounds like you have all the love and best intentions in the world.
They are just trying to say that you might be an even better mum if you look after yourself first (job, relationship, further education). At 17 you are nearly grown, and sounds like you've sure grown up the hard way. Please think long and hard about what you want to give your child in terms of education and opportunities and life. Then work out how you can do that.
Work hard at your relationship - you and your partner need to be secure and happy, so you can top that happiness with the even greater happiness of having your dreamed of child.
Please consider taking a couple of years to work on your job, get some savings, and security and be very secure in you relationship (not saying your partner is not great, but now is also the time for him to work on the same things as you) before having a child. Women can still easily get pregnant and conceive in their early 20s or so.
Dream and plan and work towards achieving that. I am sure you know what you should do. Please listen to your head as well as your heart on this.
Very best wishes to you, your partner and your future child.
thank u sally it means a lot that ur not bn negative. i did grow up a hard way but i dont want that to get in the way of my own family ya know. and something else i forgot to say to one of the other ladys is if me and my soon to be husband are trying to have a child why would he leave? he was the one that let me know first that he was ready to have a child. we have tried for close to a year but not tried tried ya know. just been like if it happens it happens then it turned into i WANT this to happen soon. maybe not this year or next but soon. if god blesses me with a child ill be greatful and love it to no end. if only u ladys knew the way i think and the way my heart feels. even my mom that i dont talk to much can see it. i cant show yall and get yall to understand but i can try. its just this strong feeling in my heart that pulls and pulls until it slaps me in the face and i break down crying one day scared to death ill never have a child. i couldn give a child the perfect life right now but i couyld try. and it would have more love than it knew what to do with... lol but all jokes aside i would love more than anything to get pregnant and its my dream now and until the day it happens whenever that shal be<3
Ive been reading through, pretty briefly-
I am 37 years old- I am an Engineer- and make a decent living. Was married, divorced now for 14 years- I chose not to have children with him because life was chaotic and he didn't treat me properly-
I then was involved in another relationship for many years, he passed away 4 years ago of Brain Cancer- I have learned a little something from all of my relationships...I am now involved again, with the best man I could have ever asked for. We now, would both like children and we have been trying for about 2.5 years without success-
I have had 2 IUI, failed- 1 IVF cycle, failed. It's funny what life hands you, and how very little control you have. The ONE major item you do have control over is a child's life- Not to bring one into this world until you both are absolutely ready!
I don't think there is anyone in the world that can tell you if you are ready or not- I believe what everyone is trying to do, in this forum- Is pass on some of their experiences because we do have a "few" years on you, and if I am not mistaken- you asked! It is a sign of immaturity that you would get so defensive after asking for people's opinions. Just because they are not supportive does not mean they are criticizing you- It simply means that the majority of this forum may be a bit more knowledgeable or have thought of things that you havent. Everyone in this forum is trying to give some assistance to another, not put them down. If you have asked, then you should be open minded enough to way the opinions of those you have asked? I think that during this time, economy is up and down- Things change from day to day that are completely out of your control. It would be in everyone's best interest to prepare for a child. Make sure that your 17 year old boyfriend "passes" all of the tests. Have you ever been in the hospital, was he there every second- Have you ever been without a job, is he able to care for you/and your property/pay bills, When you are upset, does he hold you close- When you both fight with each other, can you work it out quickly?, When you are both stressed out to the max, have you ever thought about leaving him or him leaving you? Is he done partying? Who is going to pay for doctor's visits, medications, formula, diapers, lotion, shampoo, daycare, hospital visits, birthday gifts, electricity, food, shelter, clothing about every 4 or 5 months (winter clothes, summer clothes etc) (they grow like weeds), toys, car, gas, carseat, bottles, bowls, binkies, bibs- This is just touching the surface- You have to have about $2000 extra each month (just for the baby)- Is that possible? Most people I know, with a college education and career find that to be difficult-
So many factors, and quite honestly- you have Soooo Much time- There is a "saying" that you should enjoy the honeymoon- Usually that doesn't involve children and you aren't married yet-
No one on here can make the decision for you- But to be an extrodinary mom, and it sounds like that is what you want, then you need to educate yourself (in every way), and provide a safe, clean, warm, and loving existence for your child. Right now...I think that you should wait and enjoy each other-
I can't remember how many times, I wish, I was 17 again- The years go by so fast...
just my thoughts-
thank you i understand its just im very sensitive about this subject and its real easy to hurt my feelings and take what people think way too far. just real sensitive person all around. i understand what yall are all saying and i thank yall for it and not just ignoring the questions. it means a lot to have people to ytalk to and ask questions when i dont really have a mom for that ya know? it helps relaz me and take my mind off some things its just sometimes i wish it was operfect and id only get nice things on here but thats that perfect place in the back of my mind lol i know its hard to believe but the money for the baby would be no problem. and his party time over? im not gonna go into detail about his life thats for him to do but all in all he is done too. has been done before i was. thanx again for the replys:)
u keep bringing up the family thing but all i said about family was long enough to take a shower. i dont see where thats so bad. we have enough income to have a baby. i know what he would be because he has told me. but like i said im not going to get personal into his buisness on here because i made this for me not him i will let him handle his questions and stuff in his way. and i habe lots of knowledge of how the real world is. its hard. i know how it is to live on my own with just my fiance and we be the only one to work and bring in food and all the needed stuff.
Why don't you try something for the next couple months and see how this goes. Lets pretend you will have a baby and you should go online and start calculating just how much this baby can cost. Look up all of the prices for: a crib, crib sheets, baby clothes, formula, baby food, car seat, diapers, changing table, high chair, bibs, bottles, booster seat, nursing pads, nursery monitor, a thermometer, night lights, outlet plugs, other child locks, stroller, toys, etc. All of these things add up very quickly and these are just the bare necessities. You also need to calculate in doctor's appointment co-pays, gas prices(driving to the store or where ever), and all of the money you need to spend on yourself(food, drinks, doctor's appointments, etc). Lets start the calculations from the beginning: buying a pregnancy test($15), OBGYN visit($20 to $40 each), prenatal vitamins($35 for 6 month supply), labs at doctor's office($150 -blood work to $2500 -amnio), ultrasounds($250 each), maternity clothes(~$600), money for birth($800). This is just for going through pregnancy to birth. Adding it all up, with everything, and this can cost you about $12,000, in the first 6 months after the baby is born. This price does not include child care either. Do you have the money for this? Babies are not cheap and it's a lot of work. You are young and have plenty of time to have a family later. Are you planning on going to college or trade school to further your education? A high school diploma really will not get you anywhere in this economy. Where does your boyfriend work? Is he planning on continuing his education? What happens if he loses his job? Do you have money saved up? There is a LOT to think about before trying for a baby.
i have thought of all the things u just sad. only dif. is i went to walmart and wrote down the exact price for everything i would need... i think if i get pregnant nine months is a long time to save up money deff with us bringing in 3,600 a month... plus extra money with all the people we do yard work for (know i wouldn be able to once pregnant) but i see what yall are all saying.
Honestly, you'll do whatever you want. Why are you even asking people online? You seem to not like any of the answers you've gotten, and in reality they should have been expected anyway. If you REALLY think you can handle it, do it. I still don't find that you're ready and that you only want a baby for selfish reasons, but what I or the others think doesn't mean much.
I don't think your ready for the obvious reasons mentioned in all the above replies. That put aside, babies should not come into this world with a job. This is what your doing, you talk about all the things this baby can do for you, give you a family, fill this void etc.. Wrong reasons! When u have a baby, its not about you anymore. You don't matter and you live for your child. Children do NOT fix problems, heal your pain or bring you closer to your boyfriend. Work on yourself first and only then you'll be able to fully give yourself. If you don't do this right, you will find yourself being a single mother, struggling financially, emotionally and you would have brought this poor innocent child into this situation. For the sake of your "baby", please wait.
3,600 a month seems like a lot right now, but really it's not. Take out the money for rent, for food, insurance, etc and really looking at everything, you would maybe be able to squeeze by. But why live like that? If you are responsible with birth control, save up money now, get married, and then have a family, you could enjoy it 100x more when you are truly ready for that baby than you would right now. Again, you need to have money saved up and put away money for any "just in case" scenarios. What happens if the baby has a medical condition? That's a lot of time, effort, and money that would need to go towards that child. What happens if your boyfriend loses his job? You don't have the money saved to take care of a family from what you have right now. You may not think these things will happen to you, but they do happen and you need to be prepared for it. No one thinks the bad things will happen to them and it is best to be prepared for any scenario that might take place. I understand that you really want a baby to love, but a baby is not going to fix the pain you have from your past. It's not going to fill any hole you may have. Children don't "fix" anything, they only add stress and magnify any problems you do have. If your relationship is not rock solid, a baby will make those problems 10x worse. My friend got pregnant with her fiance and he left her when she was 6 months pregnant. No one ever thinks of that happening because they are "going to get married", but it does happen and it happened to a friend of mine and many other people as well. Are you planning on continuing your education? I do highly recommend that you go to college or a trade school of some sort. College is a great experience! Do not rely on your boyfriend to pay for what ever you may need. You need to work on making yourself well off and think more about your future. Children are great when you are ready and prepared for them, but if you are not you will set yourself to struggle for a long time and cause a lot of unnecessary heartache and pain. A lot of women are here have had children young and struggled to get everything in order. It's not fun to live like that. You have gotten a lot of good advice from people and I do hope you take that to heart. If you would wait 5 years, I know it seems like a long time but the time does go by fast, you can really have a good amount of money saved up and be totally ready to have a family and get to actually enjoy it. Also, have some time for just you and your husband(after you are married) to just be together without worrying about kids. Go on a fun vacation together and travel a little. You can't do that with a baby. I hope you read through the responses and think it all over.
a cat? come on a cat is nothing like taking care of a baby.... you need to wait a baby is way more work and way more expensive than a cat! how do you plan on taking care of this child? your 17 you need to finish growing up before having a baby of your own i know you probly think you are grown but your not your still a child yourself.... I had my first at that age and i wish i would of waited a couple years before having him he is my world but i still wish i would of waited. I missed out on alot!! Just my opinion from experience good luck with your decision. I pray you make the right one
I know exactly where you are coming from. I am not going to tell you not to do it bc at your age no one could tell me not to do it either. But I will tell you that all I have ever wanted in my entire life is to be a mom, I never cared about a job, being a wife, having a house or anything, nothing mattered to me except that I wanted a baby. I wanted to be a young mom because my mom was young with me and I always wanted that with my kids. I have a younger sister who I have been a "second mom" to since she was born.
I could have been a good mom when I was 17. and I could have been a good mom at 20, and 23...but I am almost 26 and looking back now I always thought I was ready to be a mom and I thought I was ready then..but looking back now I am SOOOOOO much more ready now, and I can be a GREAT mom now!! No ifs ands or butts about it.
I have been married for a year and a half now and we have been trying as well. you said something in a post earlier that your biggest fear is not being able to have kids, and let me tell you how much I can relate to that. We are having problems now and are currently in the middle of IVF. everytime I used to see a baby i would just stare in awe and think I cant wait for that to be me. But I can tell you with every ounce of my being, that now more than ever I can give a child the best life I possibly can, and looking back to when I was ready at 17 (which like I said I could have been a good mom) I am so much more prepared to have a child. And instead of being a good mom, now I can give my child a good life. Because as badly as I want to be a mom, its more important to me to have a child that will grow up and be proud of me and the choices I made. I want my kids to follow in my footsteps and I want to be a good example for my kids. I wouldnt want me kids to struggle through things at 17 to be a mom so Im glad that I waited.
Waiting isnt for everyone and you may really be ready and no one can tell you that youre not, I think all the women here on these forums have made a bond with eachother and truly care about one another and these women are trying to give you the advice that your mom should have given you but unfortunately was unable to do so.
Whatever you choose to do, just make sure your happy and healthy. Like I said Im so glad that I waited. I hate having to go through infertility and its a struggle that I go through daily, but I would rather take the hard times now and struugle preparing for a child and then getting what Ive always wanted, rather than get a child that ive always wanted and then struggle through hard times the rest of my life.
Good luck with your decision, Im sure its not easy for you.
im glad u understand MJinWaiting and i know there trying to help. i understand where everyone is coming from and i thank yall. im not going to make my whole life about trying to have a baby if it happens it does and ill be more than happy. if it dosent when i get a little older and have more money i will go to a doctor and try to get help with not being able to become pregnant. until i get pregnant (up to God) im gonna live life to the fullest and something i didnt mention is i have lots of friends and family me and my boyfriend do work for that love us workn for them and need us just as much as we need them for extra cash and savings. another things me and my boyfriend might try someday if having a baby dosent happen soon is jobcore. its a school that pays and helps you to get better jobs and gives you a place to stay until you finish. it takes a few months to a year to finish. research it and tell me what you think??? and thanks again everyone and good luck MJinWaiting with having a baby you have always wanted i know its hard feeling like it may never happen even at 17 it is something i worrie about every single day of my life. and looking at all the happy familys with babys makes me say awh and i wish it was me just like you said you did i so understand.
Jobcorps can be a fine temporary solution, but an actual education would do a lot more for you. "Job Corps is a free education and training program that helps young people learn a career, earn a high school diploma or GED, and find and keep a good job."(description of the program). Though I thought you were already out of school? Or maybe I misread something you wrote before. What are you interested in for a career? If a 4 year university is not for you, you can go to a community college and get your AA. You can also go to other trade schools to learn a certain skill that can turn into a career. Maybe you can look into becoming a pediatric or neonatal nurse, since you love children. Going to college and earning a degree can really help you and it's good to have that degree to fall back on if you run into job troubles down the line, such as being laid off or cut hours. Without a some type of degree or certification from a trade school, no one is going to want to hire you, so it's important to have something that sets you apart. Also, the college experience can be very fun as well. It's a lot different than high school and you'd be picking the classes you want to study(other than the GE classes you have to take). I hated high school, but college has been great and I'm getting close to getting my bachelors of science degree. I have always loved children as well. I nanny for 2 young girls, baby sit, had a puppy, watch my cousin's baby and my fiance's nephew, but none of that is close to what it is actually like to have your own children. It's completely different, just ask around. I would love to be a mom as well, but I also know that now is not the right time. It would be mean to bring a child into the world when I know we'd struggle to get everything together. I want to finish school and get my degree, be married, be set more financially, have some time for just me and my husband, and then we would try for a family. If I had a baby before all of that, I would 1) miss out on a lot of experiences and 2) struggle to make ends meet, which is no way to live. There is no need to rush to grow up and I know you'll see that later if you wait.
well all i have to say is o dont think im ever getting pregnant. i haven had a period since last october so yeah.... no baby for me ever anyway. thanx for all the comments but im just gonna be another one iof them people that always dreamed of a child and never gets it.
yeah i was really down but im much beter now. i talked to my mom yesterday and she made me feel so much better:) she let me know that even without a period i still ovulate so thats good to hear and she is making me a doc. app. a.s.a.p. so maybe ill finmd out whats wrong in the next week or so. thanx for the comment. not giving up my dream:) im gonna keep reaching out to god for what i want and let him hold it all in his hands:)
I'm glad you are going for a doctor's appointment. While you are there, you should discuss birth control options for the time being until you are ready to have a baby in the future. Many times the doctor will put you on the birth control pill anyways to 'restart' your period, so I would suggest you continue to use it. Then you can go to school to further your education, get a stable job with a stable income, and save up money to prepare yourself for a family. Your dream may turn into a nightmare if you get pregnant soon, because you will struggle to raise a baby in your current situation. Give yourself some time and you can have a wonderful family down the road.
it's been said to wait...and you've fought back... I'm not going to say wait until a certain age...because lets face it... some people aren't ready for a child at 17 but some are. Some people would hate to be 30 and just having their first child...others dream to be that old when they first conceive!
What I will say...is why not get married first...then try for that baby. I've wanted a baby since I was about 15...doesn't mean I went out and had one... I'm desperately trying for a baby now...and I'm only 22. I've been trying for 2 years but both of those years I've been married. No, marriage isn't a guarantee that the baby's father will definitely stay around...but it's at least a step in the right direction. Let me say...although I've prayed and dreamed of a baby for the past 2 years...until very recently if we'd had a child it would have been so hard financially. Now, we both have jobs that pay well...and we're in a lot better place for a baby.
I know exactly how you feel though. Sometimes it's hard to hide that baby want inside...but maybe just a little longer. My mom had her first child at age 16... she had 7 more after that...she worked 40hrs a week...she went to school full time... and she now has her Masters degree. Yes, she will tell you she loves her children...but she'll tell you how she wishes she'd gotten an education first...so that's something to think about to.
well thats why i call him my future husband. because we are getting married very soon and i am ready. oh and the birth control thing wont work im done with it. i was on it for two years and it messed me up sooooo bad then i got off of it and didnt have a period for over a yeah then i went to the doc. and they gave me pills to start my period it worked i had my period october 7th then i haven had one since other than when i tried birth control one more time then i had my period for a whole month now nothing and im off of it again now because everything was just fine and normal b4 they messed me up very bad on bc!:,(
I'd have to agree with a lot of these women. I got pregnant at 21 with my son had him at the age of 22, yeah I thought I could handle every little thing. They take a lot of work. Waking up at odd hours of the night, not getting much sleep, then they get older and more work arrives. I'll be 25 next month, got married to my son's father last year. We barely spend time just the 2 of us since our son was born. My mother in law didn't want anything to do with our son at the beginning, long story there. We have to plan ahead just to step out the door for anything. Do we have his diaper bag? Is his car seat secure enough? Does he need his diaper changed before we go? Where is the nearest place with a restroom in case he needs changed? It does get fun to watch them grow, I mean I love my son so much, he's going on 3 now and bugging for a little sister/brother. Which now we are definitely ready for another one but it does get tough when you want to sleep in but can't because you're husband is working and you have to get up, make him breakfast. Make sure he eats right. Feed him snacks, lunch and dinner. Give him a bath, struggle just to change his diapers and clothes, keep him from climbing the stairs by himself, keep him away from things he shouldn't get into and the list goes on and on. Don't get me wrong kids are a joy to have but it can be stressful to not even get 5 minutes to shower/sit/read a book. It takes a lot of time and a lot of patience with a child. I've gotten so used to it so it doesn't bother me. I don't have any friends where I live at. The only family I have near me are my in laws and they do get annoying some times but I love them dearly. Children do make you grow up a lot quicker than expected. Also it is hard even on your marriage since you don't have too much time together except at night but then you're both so tired to even talk, you just lie and bed and you're out before telling each other good night. And that was during the first year after giving birth. When they get older the more and more they can wear you out but it does take a bit of time to be able to fit in a little bit of together ness before you turn out the lights and fall asleep. Then each day starts it all over again. I'm not trying to say don't do this, it's yours and your partner's decision. I wish you the best and hope that you'd be able to handle all the responsiblities as parents and as a married couple
Best of luck and Best wishes to you with everything :)
Some times you can still ovulate without a period. It all depends on how long you haven't had a period. If you just miss like a month or two you're still able to ovulate but if you miss more than that, it means no ovulation.
Well if you supposedly already know the answer, why are you asking?
If you haven't had a period in a year, you are not ovulating. Because if you did ovulate, you would have a period. When an egg is not fertilized it dies and then you shed your uterine lining, having a period. But I guess that doesn't apply to you.
no need to be that way im not here for drama if thats what u want go start drama somewhere else thanx. now... i asked to see if maybe my mom was wrong then when everybody started sayin no im not then i was making sure they KNOW FOR A FACT bacause this is not something to mess around with
I'm not trying to start any drama, I'm just frustrated. You say you are ready to be a mom, yet you don't even know when you ovulate or if you do at all. I know for a fact that you don't ovulate. I'm a health science major in college and have studied health for a while now. You can't ovulate and not have a period. You still have a lot to learn and you are so stuck on trying to get pregnant now, ignoring all of the advice that has been given to you urging you to wait until you are truly ready to be a mom. If you want to continue to ignore everyone and get pregnant anyways, then go for it. But it would be a good idea to take the advice given to you to heart and really think about it because many women have told you the same thing as I have. Your 17 and you have all the time in the world to get pregnant later, but right now you are not ready. I say this not to put you down, but because I hope you have a good life and get to experience and learn more before you bring a child into this world. Good luck.
how does me not knowing when i ovulate have anything to do with me being ready for a baby??? i have been keeping up with it (or so i thought) by taken test everyday!!!! and two days out of the month every month says +. i didnt know it wasnt right cuz my mom told me i still ovulate so yeah... i didnt know and thats not my fault. i cant find a doc. to find these things out!!! im trying and getting better everyday. and as i said b4 if i get pregnant i do if i dont i dont im not ''TRYING" to get pregnant....
I said before that you have a lot to learn. You are young and have so much more to experience and find out about your body and the world in general. Finding a gynecologist is not very difficult and you need to do that soon to find out about what is going on with your body. Go online to google, type in "gynecologist in 'your city', 'your state'". It should give you a number of responses for doctors in your area. Then you can look up their ratings and find out which one seems good, then call and make an appointment. If you think you are ready to be a mother, then start acting like an adult and take control of your own health by going to the doctor.
It is never as easy as you seem to think it is. I have my own house, a job and family to help. I was 19 when I got pregnant with my son, had him at twenty. I was also engaged, living together etc. When my son was six months old his "perfect father" up and left. Then my son had some major health issues. He had to have 2 brain surgeries, 2 spinal taps, & 3 seperate hospital stays. Raising a child is no easy task. You never know what could happen. Not saying you would have an unhealthy baby but you NEVER know. I am now almost 22 expecting my 2nd and although I love my kids to the end of the earth being young and being a mother is difficult. I suggest going to college, celebrating your 21st birthday, having the wedding you wanted, getting some life experience in and then having a baby. Babies are wonderful and Im sure you'll be a great mother but enjoy life a little! Party! Stay out til 2 o'clock in the morning! (not condoning drinking) but you understand what I'm saying. Those are times and experiences you cant get back, once you have a baby all of that is over.
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