Hi there, new to this site. I am 42 years old, DH is 40, we have a 2.5 year old son. After my cancelled ivf cycle with my own eggs, we have decided to go donor egg. I am so torn as to how I will feel (terrible I know). Will I feel as unconditional to the donor egg baby or will I always see the child as different than the one I have. I can't imagine feeling any different than I do with my own genetic child, however, it would be good to hear from women that have gone thru the same type of thing. Thanks.
I am using donor eggs, and can honestly say, when they told me how many fertilized, they became my babies! And, I had a known donor. I highly doubt when you would get your + pregnancy test, or see your babies heartbeat for the first time on the u/s, or the first babies kick... that you would think of it as anything other then "yours"...
I know what you mean.... I have a 16 year old daughter from a previous marriage and now I am doing egg donor because I am 42 and my hubby does not have kids. I had 4 failed IVF and one miscarriage of a naturally conceived baby a month and a half ago at 9 weeks :( very sad so I'm doing egg donor. Trust me this has NOT being easy for me, but I'm doing it for my hubby and I love him SO MUCH that I will love his baby, even if he/she is not mine genetically. We are so desperate for a baby that honestly I don't think I care anymore... I would adopt as well if this does not work:) but I don't want to share it with my very traditional family because I have the fear they won't love the baby as they love my daughter, if they know is not mine, especially my dad and I don't want that to happen. Those are just fears anyway..... I bet they will:)
BTW YOU WILL LOVE THIS BABY!!!! even more because it took so much effort and desire to bring him/her into this world, plus you will carry it so it is pretty much yours you know:)
I fear my family will not understand "why" we went this far... but I do not have a fear for their love of the child. My mom has the philosophy of "if it were meant to be"... but i have NO doubt they would love the child 100%. I will probably tell my husbands side of the family and maybe even some of my side, but I think I might just leave my mom out for a while because I would not want to listen to her "opinions"...
I also say this as an adopted child myself... I could not imagine my "family" loving me any more if I were genetically related. The ability to love is amazing! : )
Thanks everyone for sharing your feelings. My husband, is adopted and even HIS family forgets sometimes. There is no question that I will love the child and we will be giving my 2.5 year old a sibling and that is our main reason anyway.
I am also 42 years old. My dh and I have one naturally conceived daughter (18months). Since having her we have had one miscarriage, one hugely failed ivf cycle. We are now in 2 ww for a FET that we did with-this will be a surprise- embryos that I froze with donor sperm before I met my husband. My dh is very supportive and praying just as much as I that we are pregnant. When I saw those thawed embryos on the screen right before transfer, I broke into tears because they were my babies,not egg plus donor sperm.
If this doesn't work we will move to donor egg and I hope And think I would love that baby once. It's I have a confirmed pregnancy as much as our own.
Our families are another story... We won't tell dh's mom until after CVS because we dint want to hear her saying we shouldve picked a Stanford graduate/model as our donor. We have already told my parents what we are doing now and they are supportive but I think my dad probably thinks it's strange and awkward to talk about.
Good Luck! I hope you two get your bfp!!! I often say that I believe once our "family" holds "our" child... It won't matter them where in the heck it came from. We love our pets as our own.... and God knows, they aren't from our dna!!! haha! But yet, we love them like they are! ha ha! We have an amazing ablility to love!!! The technical part of it all will fall by the waste side once they hold that baby in their arms!!!!
Update- Starting from when we got a positive pregnancy test, my dad has been talking about our future baby a lot and is SO supportive! He said last night how our family will be so supportive just like they were when my cousin adopted her daughter from China. Our child, he said, will be just as much a part of the family as anyone else ..just like my cousin's child.
I think I misread my dad - since he wasn't talking about it, I thought it made him feel awkward about the donor situation. But actually I think he didn't want to talk about it too much in case the pregnancy test was negative!
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