How much courtesy should I give a new father??? Help.

[usuk]

Long story short. DH and I have a wedding in Nov. It's on a remote island. From NY I have to fly to Miami and then to Mexico. Then a little plane to some island. It's a full day trip under the best of circumstances. Now my biz partner wants to send DH to London the same day I head to Mexico. That means he will Fly from London to Miami, sleep in a hotel, then the next day to Mexico, onto a small plane, etc. He will get there 2 days after me. And miss the wedding. This is all because the other DH will have a 2 week old baby at home. I really do not want to miss the wedding. In the past year, this is the scoop: before 2nd and 3rd MC I told her I would not be coming because I would have given birth right before. Now I am not preg and here comes this. She and I were very close once. Her mom was murdered and mine died of cancer. I want to be there for her. Should I go alone? Should we be asked to do this? Am I a jerk for looking out for my DH. He will be exhausted and it is an $$$$ trip to be a zombie for. And since I was due to have a baby the same EXACT week this baby is born, now I have to sacrifice the chance for a much needed holiday with my DH after 3 MCs - and also be reminded of the baby that I am not having???? I need some impartiality ladies.

[usuk]

Just an update that DH went to the meeting. And you know what, my biz partner called to ask why I was not going to the wedding alone.  She kinda made a joke that I was fickle for changing my mind. This really upset me girls. Are you friggin kidding me? It was okay for the client to change there mind about the date, and for her to tell us her DH would go and then change her mind 3 times about what they wanted to do. But I decide not to spend $2,000 and take 6 flights back and forth to Belize w/o my DH to a romantic remote island where I only know the bride. To decide NOT to spend the one year anniversary of my 2nd MC (halloween 08) and the week after what should have been my 3rd due date (10/27/09) alone 3,000 miles away. Am i crazy? I paid $500 penalty for canceling the hotel. Everyone else was accommodated but us. And I am fickle? Ugh. If I was not in a client meeting when she called me, I am afraid of what I would have said.

[usuk]

I wish the meeting could move. My DH said he would go anyday BUT the 5th. And my partner made the meeting the 5th because she said not to worry b/c her DH would go. That since this was her 2nd child and her mom was in town, that it was fine she could handle it. Now her DH is all bent out of shape because he does not like that she does not "need him." I just gave her a small baby shower this week. And now I just want a little courtesy too. Like "I know I said my DH would go, and I made this a total mess, and I know my due date is that same that yours was, and it ***** that while you are also not having a baby for the 3rd time, and you just wanted to get away and not think about what coulda been your baby, you also either go to a remote island in the middle of nowhere all alone - or miss a friends wedding." But I will send DH to the meeting. And hope my friend who is getting married understands. Because now my DH said I am not taking 6 flights to the middle of the ocean (3 trips back & forward) all by myself. Thanks GiGiGi. :)

[GiGiGiGi]

I have re-read it a few times and concluded that your DH is being asked to go to London because someone he works with is a new father and cannot go overseas.  because of this, your DH is gonna miss the first two days of the Mexico trip.

If this is the case, I seriously advise that you go to Mexico on your own and have DH meet you there.  Maybe you can add a few extra days onto the end of the trip so you can enjoy some quality time alone and DH will have some time to unwind too.  Were I in your situation, I would LOVE to dig my heels iin and insist that the new dad get his butt back into work or off to England himself.  However, I would  try my best to keep in mind that what goes around comes around.  Soon it will be you with the little bundle of joy, and I'm sure that you would truly appreciate your husband's co-workers treating him as kindly and leniently as possible as he makes his adjustment to the new baby.

Of course it is possible that I have completely misinterpreted this.

Whatever happens, I think you need to go to that wedding and be there for your friend.  (perhaps there is someone else you can travel down to mexico with?)

Mexico will be tons of fun!  Those of us who have been suffering from the TTC blues can sure use a little fun every now and then.

Dos cervezas, por favor,

Gigi

[GiGiGiGi]

So who is the other DH and how is he related to the bride and groom or to your business partner.  Sounds like an interesting scenario but I'm a little confused about who is who!

g