Open forum question plus a HUSBAND joke for the day

Hi girls...Can anyone explain to me what implantation cramps feel like? And do the feel like twinges in your ovaties???

THE JOKE NOW
INSTALLING HUSBAND 1.0

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance --particularly in the
flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?
Signed, Desperate

Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http:
I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget
to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the
background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are
unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We
recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support

[galjazzy]

HERE'S THE WIFE JOKE!!
In association with last week's Husband 1.0 release which benefited our female users, the following Wife 1.0 release will help our male users in the same manner.  

FWD: Installing WIFE 1.0

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This phenomenon was never included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can not seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favourite applications.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program.  Can you help me, please? Otherwise, I'm in a spot."

Signed Helpless

Dear Helpless:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0.

Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony /Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.

In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 , Jewelry 1.0 and Chocolates 5.0.

Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 or seek help from Mother 1.0. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system. If you cannot debug errors, try running counselor.exe. Finally,  if the system crashed due to fatal error, install Lawyer 1.0 and run all applications associated with this program.

Best of luck

Tech Support

[tnjcornwall]

Those were great jokes! I don't know if what I felt was implantaion or not. It was right around the time it should have happened though. I felt like a burning sensation on the lower left side, and a little pinching felling. Only lasted a couple of seconds. Do you think this was implantaion? Sorry to answer your question with a question. Don't mean to be selfish.

[galjazzy]

sorry I'm just back now. I have no idea what implantation feels like because i was preggo too long ago (11 yrs ago). Sorry!

[lucky mom of 2]

Love the jokes! Thanks for the laugh!!!