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Possible Infertility - In Need Of Support

Hi, I'm only 23, I've been through hell in my life. I experienced a traumatic childhood, my dad was an alcoholic and used to rape and physically and emotionally abuse my mum, sometimes in front of us. He went on to sexually abuse me and I ended up growing up differently to other kids due to my dysfunctional family. We left my dad but the effects my childhood had on me caused me to have Borderline Personality Disorder and self harm. I was also rubbish around men and obviously very vulnerable. I was bullied throughout school and chauvinistic men targeted me. I ended up in a similar relationship to my mum and Dads for 4 years and have also been raped and sexually attacked on two other occasions.

To top it all off I lost my periods, they stopped completely in January. I have been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism but my ovaries are messed up now as well and apparently that is a separate problem. I have had blood tests and ultrasounds and they think I have ovarian failure i.e. premature menopause. I paid loads of money for a private tests to see how many eggs there are in my ovarian reserve and I do have a lot so that is a bit reassuring. But I can't help feel depressed about the whole thing I am so maternal and all I want in life is children. This is making me feel like it will be so difficult for me to conceive and does that mean I am restricted in the amount of children I can have?

I have been suicidal because of the heartache of the possibility of being infertile or unable to conceive. I am in so much pain because as I said it was my dream for kids and now the chances are slipping. I don't know how it works but they said they will have to freeze what eggs I have but I don't trust them, I don't trust someone else looking after them and taking them out of me. I just wish I could do it all naturally. I'd get pregnant now if my partner agreed to it but he isn't ready. It is all I want desperately though I wish he would just say yes so I can at least have one, solve all this anxiety now. I'm ready, my body is ready.

How do other people cope with this kind of thing? I am self harming and relapsing because this is the most painful thing I've ever been through in my life. Can anyone give any advice to me?
3 Responses
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1493843 tn?1309256719
i am so so sorry you had a life like this i too had a similair childhood. i had anerexia frm 11yr to 20 i was with my boyfriend  the time now hubby and i realized i needed to get healty because he really loved me and i did and i was  blessed with a beautiful son but within the past two years   my son is 3 i have had 4 miscarriages  no one knows why i seem to be healthy so its a mystery  my only advice to you is try to get your mental state healthy take a break from trying for a child or worrying about relax and take your time believe me i know this is easier said than done but i have heard many stories of docs telling women you cant have  a baby and guess what they go on to have babies  i know this is hard for you but if you let yourself relax and focus on being healthy and enjoying life you might just find the answers to your issues. you should prob see your doc about putting you on med to regulate your hrmones to get a period then focus on the other stuff if you ever want to talk my email is ***@****   i sometimes wonder if there is a god because i only see good people suffer but i will pray to "someone " higher up to be with you :)
Helpful - 0
1497459 tn?1288963603
hi we are very very similer if u live in adelaide please e-mail me ***@**** i need someone to talk to aswell i'm 23 too and so so very very sad i don't get my period i've been raped ect my lifes **** maybe we can help eachother???
take care hun
Helpful - 0
1346146 tn?1299360497
I am sorry you are going through this.  First and foremost you have to get yourself healthy, mentally and physically.  As far as you having premature menopause but having a good reserve, that is something that can be treated with medications.  I was told for 2 years I was in early menopause however, with surgery and medications, I am now 21w6d pg with a little girl. It took a little over a year but it happened for me.  So there is hope. Try your best to seek help from a mental health professional and get that under control first then work on the other.  Good luck to you.
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