Scared to talk!!

Hello, everyone my name is Nikki and I am 26 years old.  I just found out I am pregnant by taking a HPT, this pregnancy was not planned.  This will be my first pregnancy, if my calculations are right then I am going on my 5th week.  Anyways, I have not told my boyfriend nor my parents.  I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to tell him.  He is a great guy and I have known him for years, I just don;t want to mess anything up, but know I have more to worry.. If anyone could point me in some sort of direction I would be grateful.  Also, I have been thinking about telling after christmas, but just not sure where to begin.  

Nikki

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

girl tell ur bf when i got preggo in sept i was so happy my bf was waiting for me to take the test i had a m/c on nov 10 and im ovulating today so im reading to concieve (conceive) wish me luck best of luck to u tell ur man now or on xmas eve!!!11 congrats have a healthy 9 months! u only got 8 months to go!

[RockRose]

Nik - the reality of it is,  you're old enough to make a mature reasonable decision to get married (unlike if you were 17,  this wouldn't be a mature reasonable option) or you can make another decision to put the baby up for adoption,  or you could make the decision to have an abortion - you are still really early in your pregnancy.    

Best wishes and positive thoughts coming your way -

[nik007]

I realize I have a some options, however, I plan on keeping the baby no matter what I am 26 and stable.  I am just concernced about telling the father, and help him through the shock, because I know it will be for him like it was for me.  

Nikki

[RockRose]

Nik - is it really a shock?  You're having sex - with no birth control - are you really shocked you're pregnant?

I don't mean that to sound snotty,  I'm just saying I don't think your boyfriend will really be "shocked" to learn you've gotten pregnant.

Best wishes with it.

[lawgirl17]

Hi, Nikki. I wish I could predict how he would handle it, but unfortunately, I can't. It sounds like you have made your mind up that you would like to keep this child and raise it ... I hope for your sake that he will be excited about this. Try hard not to be offended by his original reaction. I am sure he will be shocked (whether the intercourse was protected or not). I think it is better for you to tell the boyfriend before your family if you plan to stay in a relationship with him ... telling others before him will simply hurt his feelings and potentially make him lose trust in you.

I wish you the best, and I truly hope that it is easier to tell him than you thought. Also, I hope you are pleasantly suprised by his response. Best wishes to you!

[nik007]

Well I was not trying to get pregnant infact I was using a form of birthcontrol, and I should have mentioned that early, my mistake.  However, he did not use a condom, my mistake again for not doubling up.  I keep thinking to myself were did I go wrong. I realize posting on the internet people are easy to judge, and that is fine. I was just asking for an easy way to approach the subject to him.  However, I see that I should go somewhere else with my question, and I am sorry if my questioned has upset/angered anyone.

Happy Holidays
Nik

[mar143]

hay, nikki there are many women trying to get pregnant and can't so consider it a blessing my prayer for you is that the father be happy and that you have a healthy baby and live happily ever after. get married because you love him not because your having a baby, but if he is not happy be happy for your self because it may not be easy on your own but it will bring you lots of joy and some day you will look at your child growing up when he hugs you good night the first time he says i love you mommy  your going to remember some people on this forum and your going to have a smile on your face and lough at them because your child  will be the most important person in your life and no man or women will be able to give you that joy.  god bless and  i hope it's a merry christmas remember jessus dosn't make mistakes especially when you did try using protection it's just more proof that it was meant to happen.god bless

[gocougs]

Hi nik, enjoy the time with your baby and enjoy your life with your boyfriend.  I have plenty of friends that are unmarried and live their lives happily without a marriage certificate.  Like the writer about me, my advice to you is to get married because you are in love and not because you're pregnant.  I have had friends, pastor's daughters no less, who have gotten pregnant and were forced into marriage immediately with their boyfriends; needless to say, it didn't work out and they divorced under a year later.  So, do what you feel is best for you and your child.  He will be either thrilled or not so thrilled, but it is something that he will have to own up to.

Everyone thinks that their way is the best and only successful way.  RockRose is from a different generation.  She was raised in a household where a mom and a dad were present in order to make ends meet and make a family survive.  I agree that the role of both parents is important, but sometimes, things do not work out that way.  We belong to a different generation where things are a lot different than when our parents were our age.  I'm not saying one way is wrong or right, but we all have to understand that they are both VERY different.

I just wanted to let the steam out of this thread because I see that its getting very heated.  I want people to understand eachother's differences and you don't necessarily have to accept them, but you have to understand that we are all different from our ages, races, nationalities, hair color, and lifestyles.

[confussed]

Hey girl don't listen to thier negative feedback.....they are all just upset cause here we are all trying to get preg. and haven't been able to or at least not to carry to full term.  But the correct way to give you advice would be to tell you frist hand congratulations and second of all I'm sure your family and b/f love you and if so they should be happy and support you through all of this.  I too am single, well until Sunday and I have had a miscarrage (miscarriage) and wished I could have carried the baby til full term even though I was not married.  Marrieage doesn't make you more or less ready for a baby....yes I believe a child will go through less drama if the parent are married and I think it is the right thing to do but I won't push my choices or oppinions on anyone else.  So Congrats and don't get to stressed out it isn't good on your baby.

[nik007]

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for your advice. I realize, even if some of the posts were hard for me to read, but I just take it all in.  I know that I will love this child no matter the outcome, and I have great support group.  Anyways, thanks again ladies and I wish you all the best of luck.

Happy Holidays
Nik

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I am sorry if you found some of these posts hurtful.  But everyone does have the right to express their views here.

I would tell your boyfriend before Christmas.  This is big news and should be shared.

I was 24 and single when I had my daughter.  I also uses birth control, but as we all know, nothing is fool proof. Her father left while I was pregnant.  My family was very upset.  Luckily I found a little church that took me in and adopted me as part of their family.  They certainly didn't agree with my choices, but they wanted to help.

I chose to return to the faith I had as a child, maily because of how this group of people did not judge me.

I raised my daughter myself until she was 11 when I married my dh.  It was hard but so worth it.

I now have a ds who is three and my daughter is 15.  Both are happy, well-adjusted kids.  I will readily admit that parenting inside a happy marriage is a cake walk compared to being a single mom.

My husband is a great man of faith, we chose not to have sex until we were married (I found that harder than he did).  He is kind and loving and very supportive.  I have a very successful business due to the fact that he encouraged me to quit my job and go out on my own.  He is funny, cute and such a good dad.  Some days I cannot believe how blessed I am.

I hope your boyfriend greets this news with joy (after the shock).  I wish you and your unborn baby health and happiness.  When I was pregnant, a bunch of Mennonite ladies made me gifts, I was shocked as that group is very conservative.  The 80 year old matriarch said this to me:  "Every baby is a gift from the Lord, how she got in your belly is between you and God, but we celebrate and welcome her birth."

God bless you all.

[Amber216]

I just got done reading all of these posts and I cannot believe what I'm reading.

Sweetie, only you know your boyfriend.  Yes, it's probably going to shock him but I'm sure you guys can get through this.  A baby is a blessing from God - NO MATTER IF YOU'RE MARRIED OR NOT- and I'm sure he'll be receptive once it all sinks in.  If not, then it's best to know now that he won't stick by you no matter what.  However, since you guys have known each other for years, I doubt you'll have much to worry about.  I recently got pregnant (currently hoping not to miscarry) and I knew my fiance (who is going to be 40 in February) wasn't really "ready" for another child.  HOwever, after I took the test, I bit the bullet - walked up to him and said, "Honey - I think I have the perfect Xmas present for you - it's the kind that keeps giving year after year."  The rest, as they say, is history.  He is quite happy - although very nervous like me.  

Age does not bring wisdom!!!!  I know plenty of "older" people that don't know their butt from a hole in the ground!

Remember to NEVER listen to negative comments.  Typically negative comments are given because the person stating them is jealous.  Good luck and best wishes for a beautiful, healthy baby!  God Bless and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

[kiesha.b]

Girl i agree.  I just read this as well as im shocked.  I found myself getting angry for her.  I cant believe people would be so rude!!!

Rockrose...yeah you are in a new generation.  REALIZE THAT!!!!  My mother was a single mother and i came out just fine as well as my brothers.  I am in the Air force, married to a good man and financially stable.  And guess what hun...im 20.  You are talkin to these women as if they aint grown.  You seem to be all over the place and some of your comments are rude.  Hun you've met your match!  And if age bring wisdom....i can't tell.  Go back and read some of the things you said and see for your self.  It's sad cause you would think the "elders" on here would be genuine and help not judgemental and rude.  Now you know what... i'll pray for you!

[JJety]

Amber,
Something tells me that RockRose is faaaar from jealous.  But, since she has been labeled by some as old and stupid, I suppose I could be wrong.

[Mertek]

Yes, never listen a viewpoint different from your own. Label it as negative and call them stupid. Life never teaches lessons except for those that are warm and fuzzy. Gosh neat!

There is nothing wrong with having a convetional family value. No one said you had to nod your head and agree.

To the original poster, I think you should tell your bf before Christmas. The sooner he knows the better off you will be. I imagine it is scary. It was scary to tell my husband if though we had been planning to have a baby. And I mean scary because with a first baby you have no idea what lies ahead.

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and this is truly a blessing from God. Good luck to you and Merry Christmas.

[nik007]

I just want to say thanks again ladies, the advice I have recieved has been great and I have done a lot of thinking. I was planning on telling him after x-mas, but I think I have now decided to go a head and tell him before.  We did not plan this but God has blessed us, and I am very lucky to have my bf in my life because he is the greatest..  Thanks again.

Merry Christmas
Nikki

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I'm glad you came back to day as I forgot to say one thing....

Congratulations!!!!!


Ciel

[anxiousmomtobe?]

And make sure to keep us all updated.  

We really are nosey!!!

[deanne11]

They took out my posts because I put my email address in them....sorry.

Anyway- congrats on the pregnancy, I pray and know everything will go great for you.

Please keep us posted.