The hardest thing I've ever had to do

Yestday was the hardest day of my life.

DH and I have been ttc for 14 months now. In October my oldest sister told me she was pregnant with number 5. We were super excited for them, but jealous at the same time.

Well during her pregnancy she was experiencing good things, DH and I were going through blood work, surigeries, and month after month of disappointment. On 06/30 we were actually able to have our first IUI. . . . it didn't take.  This week has been so emotionally draining, but yesterday she went into labor.

I have 8 nieces and nephews and I have seen all but one of them born. That L&D room was the only place I wanted to be last night, but it was the hardest thing to do without just sitting there and bawling. I was so excited for her, and I didn't want her to think otherwise.

After everything was said and done I congradulated them and left. . . . breaking done in the nurses lounge as I went to the fridge to pick up my fertility meds to take home.

It's one thing to have pg friends, but when it's family it's soooooo much harder. Esp being there. I don't think I can do that again anythime soon.

[sasparilla]

Im sorry you are having to go through all this.  Ive found it very hard to deal with my immediate family while TTC.  I've pretty much shut myself off from them b/c I just don't want to hear all the questions about when I'm going to get pregnant.  I hope you get your BFP soon so all your family can be there for you on your joyous day.

[anne72]

Your a very brave woman. you did a very selfless thing and  should be proud of yourself. Sorry you had to go through such a painful experience.
I have never had to doing anything quite as painful and don't now if i could have held it together as well as you did. My brother and his family were here from Australia visiting me for 3 weeks, i found it so hard being around his 5 month baby. It's so hard, people thats don't have fertility issues really don't understand how hard it really is.

[Houston79]

Oh Griggsy! I can't imagine!  I'm so sorry you had to do this!  You are such a good sister for being supportive and unselfish! They don't understand fully what emotional roller coasters we go through and they don't understand just how hard it is for us!  I'm crushed right along with you today! HUGS!

[Griggsy]

Thanks for the support ladies! Heaven knows I need it right now!

I know my family has a hard time understanding just how difficult this is for us. My mom, and older sister have all gotten pregnant on the first try's. So it is difficult for them to see. They say things like 'it's alright for you to be sad, but why are you this upset?'

My favorite was when they told me to go home because I wasn't sharing in the tales of regale of birthing stories. . . sorry unless you want to hear about our dog and her ten pups then I've got nothing for you.

It has been so so so so so difficult. I love my family, but sometimes advice on conceiving is better left as a thought and not a verbal communication between people.

DH and I think that we might not tell them that we are having IUI done this round, as last month every twinge was a sign from the heavens that it worked. . . every day they would call 'How do you feel? Do you feel normal?, Have you tested?'. . . . . We just want to not think about the 2WW, but everyday with people asking you can't help but to think about it. . . . ACK!

I LOVE my family, and the newest little guy is just perfect! I'm so happy for them, and I'm grateful that I was able to see the birth. The birth itself was awesome, but the after and the rejoycing was the hard part. That's where all self restraint was gone.

Sage Lawarnace,  6Lbs 14oz, 21in long, born @ 9:13 pm. . . PERFECT little boy! He's a doll!!!

[mommyof3andhopefully4]

Oh gosh, My heart goes out to you.  Just know you are in the same boat as all of us.  I don't know about everyone else, but I get SOOOO tired of hearing, "It will happen, relax.."  I swear if I hear that one more time I am going to strangle the person that said it.  We have done that, we have relaxed, we have "not tried".....we have done it all, or at least it feels like it...

Keep your chin up.  Stay strong.

Heather

[Latrice414]

Griggsy, that was a very supportive thing you did, you are a wonderful sister.  It is hard to be around family and friends when you have issues they dont understand, some people can be so insensitive.  Sending you a big hugggggg and mmuch baby dust to all.

[singhshweta21]

Hey there..I can so much related to all that u have mentioned here and cant explain how ell I understand ur situation..Even we this time planned to keep our 2nd IUI hush hush to avoid all those phone calls about whats happening, how is it going etc tec..and when it does not work out gosh....when the Af arrived..anyway..we have to be strong and face all this and remember we will have a child..one way or the other..its not god damn that difficult....