egg donor or not

hi i am 41 with 3 children. youngest is 20. i had a tubal sterilisation 16 years ago and a reversal 18 months ago. i got a positive pregnancy test result in january, had a scan at 6.5 weeks and had a viable pregnancy complete with heartbeat. Unfortunately at 11 weeks found i had a missed miscarriage. I miscarried a week later but needed surgery to remove remaining tissue a week after this. I don't know what to do now should we carry on on our own or is IVF worth considering or should we look at IVF with a donor egg. My GP isnt very good and due to my age the one consultant i saw was quite dismissive. i received no advise after my miscarriage. Any advise would be very much appreciated.
debg89

[40smama]

Hi - just saw your post about doing IVF w/donor eggs & wanted to share my experience but first off, this is a decision that you'll really need to "mull" over w/your husband as well as yourself.  I'm very sorry about your m/c - I've been through two and they're heartbreaking.

Since you've already had a reversal, I think it wouldn't hurt to keep trying until you consult w/a re.  He/she might steer you towards donor eggs but who knows?  To me, you're at a crossroads - fertility definitely has dropped but since you've had a positive pregnancy, although it ended in a m/c, chances are that you'll conceive again.  The question is whether you can "catch" the good egg which gets significantly harder after age 42.

I delivered a baby boy exactly a year ago via donor eggs but I was 44 at the time too.  We did quite a bit introspection before making the decision to use donor eggs but I could care less whose dna he has - it went completely out of my mind when the re transferred the embryo into me.  Really, unfortunately, nobody can tell you which direction to go -only give you some feedback & share some experiences.

I wish you all of the best in the world - good luck on your next pregnancy! - jen

[Leatha]

As 40smama commented it is such a personal decision some ladies can make that kind of decision easily where as I took a long time before I finally figured out that I was not going to get pregnant using my own eggs.

I am 44 years old and I have been ttc since I was 40.  I have had many disappointments along the way then once I decided to use donor eggs I got pregnant the first time around.  I am currently 5 wks pregnant and so glad of my decision.  I had to come to terms with it first in my own mind but once that bridge was crossed it was full steam ahead.

I think you have to ask yourself how much time are you willing to invest to "maybe" get lucky using your own eggs or to go the egg donor route.  It took me four years before I came to my decision to use donor eggs, in retrospect I really should have done this sooner but everything happens for a reason and I personally needed that greiveing time and to be able to explore every last possiblity (6 IUI's and 3 IVF cycles later...here I a pregnant)

I hope this helps in some way and good luck in whatever you decide on.