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211043 tn?1337050701

feeling particularly down and pessimistic

This is my 5th cycle on clomid.  I was so close to being pregnant last month (they pulled the old - well there's enough of an hcg # there to suspect something, so come back in 2 days and we'll test again) - then af came on the day I was supposed to go back to get the test.  I feel like each month the letdown has gotten greater and greater, but normally, each month my optimism for the upcoming cycle would also get bigger and bigger.  Not so this month.  I'm tired.  I was going to take a break, and I thought that doing what I normally do (which is coping by forgetting about the last unsuccessful cycle and put all my focus into the new one) would get me through it.  I'm still about 3-4 days away from O time and I am completely unenthusiastic.  I just don't think it's going to work - and I KNOW that the more I think that... the less chance I have of it actually working!  But I can't help it!  I've been trying not to stress about it this month - waiting until right before I suspect O to do my POAS, not temping every day, and trying not to think about it as much.  I'm not getting my progesterone levels or my u/s done either.  F it.  I've only got one more shot after this one, and they increased my dose again this month, so I'm upto 150mg and I'm pretty sure if the 100mg worked successfully twice in a row, that the 150mg should do the trick.  So why stress about getting blood drawn or u/s done and getting the results?  If it happens it happens.  I don't even know if I can deal with the ultimate letdown of a 6th and final treatment.  If it doesn't happen this month and it doesn't happen on the 6th and final one, I don't know what I'll do.
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Avatar universal
I am so sorry you are feeling so down. I am so depressed right now too, just had 1st IVF and lost the pregnancy as soon as found out I was pregnant. I am so sad, and just want to cry. I tell myself that i am going to take a break and wait to try a FET until december or january to give myself a break.  But then I think well I can try naturally until then, but then i would want to do ov predictors and all that, and that is stressful too. . . It is just hard. I understand your pain. But i am wondering why is the 6th try on clomid your last?? Are you just doing clomid, or clomid IUI? What are your problems?  Sorry you have probably posted that info before, but i can't remeber with so many people on here.  I hope that you feel better and optimistic!! I am trying to stay positive, it can and will happen for us!!
Helpful - 0
211043 tn?1337050701
I'm SO sorry to hear about your loss - I can't even imagine what that's like.  Let it out - don't hold back your tears, and lean on us as much as you need to!  I know the hardest thing about going through this stuff is that even close friends don't really seem to understand unless they've been through it, and even I can't imagine what you are going through... but you are definitely in my thoughts.

In answer to your questions, I was diagnosed with PCOS last summer, so dh and I decided to start trying right away since we knew it was going to be a struggle.  It's been a year and I'm 31 now, and when I was diagnosed I had stopped getting af all together.  We tried just metformin to start (a common medicine for PCOS), but I still wasn't getting af so they tried to regulate me w/provera to induce af but I definitely wasn't O'ing.  So I don't really get it anymore w/o inducing it w/Provera, and I certainly can't O on my own.  I've been doing clomid treatments since January, and you only get 6 tries on clomid because after that it has an adverse affect on your system and I think it somehow has a reverse affect and can actually prevent you from O'ing.  Plus, I don't know if you've ever tried it, but it isn't exactly fun to begin with - it can really mess with you hormonally/emotionally/physically.  I have not done IUI or IVF yet - that is the next step.  I may save the last dose until after I meet w/an RE if this month doesn't work.  But I have heard you can take Femara which does the same thing as clomid, so I'm hoping I can at least do an IUI w/that.  Our insurance doesn't cover either procedure and we are really struggling financially, so IUI is really our only option.  I keep hoping it won't come to that, but it's looking like it will.  My sister had tried clomid for 6 months, and had 2 unsuccessful IVF treatments (couldn't even GET pregnant) - but she has a thyroid problem and they never determined why she couldn't really get pregnant.  Either way, based on my history and my family history I'm not very optimistic anymore.  At least she adopted, but we'll never have that kind of money.  They paid $15,000 for each baby!  And those were public adoptions!  In the grand scheme of things, I know it's still early in the game for us, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens in the next year or so.  
Helpful - 0
200123 tn?1246874546
Hello...sorry you're feeling so rotten and sorry about your experience last month. How dissappointing!! I can completely relate to what you're feeling. We seem to pretty much be on the same boat together. I am also on my 5th and 2nd to last final round of Clomid. I started out positive and month by month, it's just slowly fizzled... I'm due to O in the next few days too...and, same as you, not expecting much to happen... fingers crossed for this month for the 2 of us...!
Helpful - 0
205230 tn?1237405193
I know, this whole process stinks!  Maybe think about trying IUI instead of just clomid.  Has your husband been tested?  If his sperm is good IUI may work well for you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Did any of you try Fertiliy Blend and/or the OV watch? I'm giving up on fertility doctors for 3 months and trying a less expensive approach. Infertility is the most frustrating thing I've ever been through..there are no guarantees with anything:( I don't think anything frustrates me more than when a relative or a friend says,"It will happen" , "Just Relax" , "I got pregnant everytime my husband looked at me."  Good luck and I'll pray for you all.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yeah, I did try fertility blend. I think it helped me to ovulate more regularly, however, my progesterone was still low and i had a poor post coital test (no sperm at all). . . So i decided to go with fertility treatment, i had been ovulating on my own and regularly for over a year and still so pregnancy. I even tried the fertile cm blend to help with cervical mucous, but no luck. I had also tried b6, evening primrose oil, robitussin. . . etc. . . I tried everything!!! So not sure what to do, i think i am going to do FET in december or january. Good luck with your three months, I really hope it works for you!!! Baby dust and you are all in my prayers!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hello-
I have been on clomid and just finished my 7th cycle.  We're planning on doing it up to 12 cycles.  I've heard that if you take it for 3-6 months, you should take a break (even just one month) and then you can start up again.  I know some doctors say to do it no more than 6 times, but I've heard that they don't know for sure if the risks are from the clomid or just from having infertility issues...and I heard that if you've already had a baby, you probably don't have the risks.  (I do have a daughter almost 3yo, but can't get a 2nd...)  We're going up to 12 months on clomid b/c I didn't respond to clomid til the 4th cycle (on 150 mg) and I've had an ectopic, so I only have one tube.  So, I only have follicles on the correct side every other time...  But if I'm off the clomid, nothing happens and the next month it starts where if left off with clomid.  Sorry this is so long and confusing, but I wanted to tell you that you may be able to be on clomid longer (if you see that you're responding to it).
Helpful - 0
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