ive just found out that my uncle and wife are expecting thier 2nd baby dont get me wrong i am happy for them but every time i hear that someone is pregnant i fill so sad and depressed, and as asshamed as i am to say it im so jealous whens it going to be my turn???? everyone in my life is pregnant or already has children its getting me so down that i find myself makeing excuses not to go round friends and familys houses like i used to i cant bare feeling like this!! sorry for going on xxx
You are not a *****. Simply, infertility is unfair! Your feelings are very natural. We all feel resentment when pregnancy comes so easily to other people. I do hope that your turn will come and you will make someone else feel jelous :)
you are not the only one that feels this way, almost everyone around me is either pg or have kids. even my friend's 45-yr-old mother got pg on her own about 2 years ago - naturally, no assistance!
i just keep in my mind what my mom always tells me when things don't happen: there's a time and reason for everything. and i know it is hard to see it when you're all depressed and upset. i've been there...questioning everything. but then, something will click...
hang in there...easier said than done but you're not alone in this...
First let me say I am sorry for your frustration. I had a breakdown at a baby shower this summer (a 19 yr old cousin got pregnant - oops) - but I am now so blessed and I fully understand how lucky/fortunate I am. I need to ask - I'm 12 weeks after a year of TTC and two miscarriages - My question is - how do I tell a friend at work who's been TTC with many efforts and $ spent that I am pregnant? Any suggestions? Any comments would be appreciated.
I totally understand how you feel..I try to be happy for others but deep down inside Im so jealous...I just try to remember that I am still blessed with the things I do have and know that someday it will be my turn!! Hang in there it will be your turn to!!
i think you have every right to feel the way you do...its human nature...you are trying and longing for a baby...and when someone else gets pregnant it is a downer....dont apologize...just try to channel that negative energy in another way...youl too will be blessed!!!!!
Ugh, my best friend just called to tell me that she is expecting!! While I am happy for her, I cant help but be jealous!! She has only been trying for 2 months (naturally)...Im so depressed...I so feel like Im getting my rag!! Please Lord keep AF away!! :(
Your definately not alone. I was just out with dh and in a span of an hour I heard about 2 different couples that are preg. It is hard...I just try to think that my time will come soon. I guess what keeps me going is thinking that everything happens for a reason and their must be a reason I'm not 8 month preg. right now.
I would tell the friend but be sensitive to the fact that she is struggling. Make sure that you don't make a huge deal about your happiness - also make sure that co-workers don't make a huge deal about it. Tell her that she is next - that if it happened for you it will for her. All anyone wants is hope. Treat her with the sensitivity you would want if your positions were reversed.
I am not jealous so much for my friend's sucesses but of my in-laws. They financially help my 2 brother-in-laws families but won't help us with the cost of invitro. They are incredibly wealthy and have even given one brother (who works with my husband and makes the exact same salary) a 4000 sq ft house to live in for free for the last 7 years. They say that they help the brothers because they have children and that we do not. I am so angry and jealous that they will help the others who have children but have no problems condeming us to be childless. I am trying not to hate my mother in law but it is hard. My mother-in-law hates one of the wives and tells me that those grandchildren need a good aunt and that we should be there for them. That those children are already in the world. I have decided that the next time she tells me that I am going to tell her that they need a good grandmother and that maybe she should quit traveling all of the time and stay home more to be with them. They are millionairs and I just don't understand. They actually like me but they have this twisted sense of what is fair.
Diane- the baby shower thing will probably be me in two weeks. My good friend is due the end of Feb. and I would've been due in Jan. I have to go she has been so supportive of me...but the texts about her baby's weight and who the baby looks like in utero are a bit much. As for you...you obviously have to tell your friend at work. Hopefully she will be supportive...I'm sure she wishes you well and also knows how long you have been trying...good luck!
If you are a bit*h then I am queen bit*h. I wouldn't say I am jealous, and trust me I have thought about this a lot. Hearing someone else is pregnant just reminds me of this very uphill struggle I am in and brings me back to the depression I have to fight every day to keep away. I am in the same boat, every of our friends has had their babies and moved on to their second in the last two years we have been trying. We are doing IVF as it is our only option to get pregnant due to sever male factor. Even our friends doing IVF have been successful and are starting on #2. I second what Helen72 said...infertility is just unfair. It is plain screwed (I am thinking of a different word) up. There have been days where I can't even get out of bed I am so depressed and of course those seem to be the times when someone else I know reveals their pregnancy or one better I had a rag of a coworker bring me her sonogram picture and brag about getting pregnant on her first month trying AGAIN! She is half way to #2 and we started trying for #1 about the same time. Not to mention we have spent ridiculous amounts of time and money on failed treatments. I am not sure how to make this better. I personally am in a place where I no longer want to here it will happen when its supposed to or eveything happens for a reason, blah blah, blah because I cannot believe there is any good reason for infertility in a person that so desperately wants a baby and yet terrible people get pregnant so easily everyday. Sorry this is my rant. Bottom line...you are not a bit*h and not alone.
I didn't mean the way I felt was by any means the right or best way to feel. In fact I wish I still felt that this was happening for a reason or that my DH and I getting pregnant was even a good possibility, but I just can't get to that place anymore. I really have lost most hope especially since it is never going to happen by any natural means. It will always take intervention which means I have to be willing to keep trying which I am just about done with. I have not had a m/c but if I had I think I would have to feel the same way you do. I would want to believe there was a reason for it.
I'm not in your situation yet..I can't imagine how I'd feel if I'd been ttc for 2 years. It's so hard right now. I admire you for your strength. Have you done IVF yet? No matter how long you've been trying it is so hard to hear people say they are pregnant....I would guess that it only gets harder to hear. I'm lucky I only have one close friend who is pregnant but she's really exciting and I'm finding it hard to talk to her right now. She keeps telling me how much the baby weighs and about his features. She has no idea how hard it is for me.
I'm not sure if I believe it or not but I just got this book it's called, Is Your Body Baby- Friendly by Alan Beers. I haven't read much of it at all but it's about reproductive immunology. It's pretty interesting. In the beginning of the book their is a woman who tries IVF and isn't successful then she sees a reproductive immunologist (someone who works with Dr. Beers of course) and she becomes pregnant. It turns out that she was having trouble getting pregnant b/c her body was attacking the sperm. I'm a little skeptical of books that are written by people that seem to be advertising for themselves but I figured it can't hurt to read.
We tried for a year on our own and then in Jan 07 we were diagnosed with severe male factor and told IVF was our only hope. We have been cycling since March when all of our genetic testing came back normal. We have been through 3 IVF cycles-2 fresh, 1 frozen all negative. We just started seeing a new Dr that is big on testing for immunological factors (which Dr Beers is well known for treating) so I am going to get tested, but he seems to think that our issue was the stimulation protocol I was on. We prepaid 2 more fresh cycles and all the frozen cycles that it would take for our frozen embryos and then I think we are done. There has to be an end in sight for me or I feel like this roll coaster ride will never end-not to mention the he-l-l it plays with my marriage and career. I admire you for staying so positive. It does take strength to stick with this, but it takes more to do it with hope and positivity. I hope when I start my next cycle some of it returns to me.
I have heard Dr. Beers book is good and I know there are some women that swear he is the only reason they were able to conceive.
Thanks for the advise. There is another woman at work who is about 21/22 weeks pregnant and all she can do is talk about it. It's her first and they were fortunate enough to have success on their second cycle they were trying. At first I didn't want to hang out with her. I know how it feels to not be pregnant and feel like someone is rubbing it in or bragging - I understand both sides and that gives me an interesting perspective. I know on a small level the heartache of TTC unsuccessfully and I know that women get pregnant every day - while it is a miracle - I am not the only one and there are other things in life to talk about. I truely understand how blessed I am and will be living on pins and needles until that first week in July. I also pray deeply for friends both in my life and here in cyberspace to have their dreams come true...
SD- The good thing you have going for you is your age. It seems like you really know your stuff...I know what you mean about your marriage and career. I got on here b/c Dh was tired of talking to me about my m/c. As for my career well my principal hates me and she is causing more stress then anything. I almost feel if i quit my job maybe I could concentrate more on this. That's not possible though. I wish the best for you. I'm glad to here you are checking out the RI stuff. I really don't know much about it but from what I've read it makes sense. I'll stay positive for you!
I know how you feel! I am a teacher so it seems like everyone there is always pg... 3 women are on maternity leave and 3 are pg now... baby showers are getting harder and harder to go too... It's not that I'm not happy for them I'm just incredibly jealous and I think it's natural being that we want this so badly too! Good luck!
You are not alone. I can totally relate to how you feel. My cousin just had her 3rd baby on christmas day. I live Western NY and she lives in Michigan so at least I don't have to worry about seeing the baby often. But I am going out to visit my mom in Illinios on Jan 2nd and She wants me to stop by and see them on my way out to my mom's. I declined the invite saying that she just had the baby and the last thing she needs is me and my two little dogs visiting. When the truth is that I just don't think I could handle seeing the new baby.
Then there is my other cousin whose wife is due in May!!! oh joy.
Life is not fair at all!!! but we just have to keep faith that some day we will get the little baby that we so desire.
thank you for all ur support and encouragement it just gets so hard sometimes and as much as your family and friends try to be there they just dont understand its almost like they tip toe round you, and im sick of people asking me when im going to have kids its always people that have'nt seen me for a while so i just change the subject unbeknown to them its killing me inside and im desperatly trying for a baby,
and dh thats another story i just dont think he understands at all, ive spoke more about my thoughts and feelings to this forum im so glad i found it you've all been such a great support tome keeping you all in my prayers xxxx
Do you know what, I feel the same it is horrible going through this. There is nothing wrong with you feeling like this it is natural. I have been trying for 6 years & I am 35 now so feel like my chances are slipping away fast. I run my own business I have a beauty salon & so many of my clients tell me how they are trying for a baby then the next thing they are pregnant. Its harsh I try not to let it take over my life but inside feel like a failure. I want you to know your not alone, try & chill out and relax. I really hope its your turn soon.
thankyou so much, having a bad day today even just reading your post has made me cry im an emotional wreck... its like you no when your upset and trying to hold it all together and someone says something nice to you and thats it your in tears i keep having days like this and its horrible sometimes dh comes in and says why you crying and im like i dont know i fill so stupid writing this but its how im feel!! xx
rxyrxx- Yeah, I know what you mean. Their is a preg. teacher at my school who knows I'm TTC and isn't in the least bit sympathetic. She even interrupted a faculty meeting to tell us the baby kicked. I just wanted to walk out of the meeting. She's nice but not really considerate. She told me I'm thinking about it too much....I'm just a little bitter!
OMG I hear that "I am thinking about it too much" all the time!!! It annoys the heck out of me!!! People just don't understand! I would probably want to walk out too, that would drive me nuts! It's hard to be around these situations! The three on maternity leave are all 3rd grade teachers and the 3 pg are 2nd grade teachers and I'm a kindergarten teacher so everyone there comes up to me all the time saying "it will happen for you in 2 years cuz that's when its kindergarten's turn" blah blah blah! lol... it just gets so frustrating! =)
I'm a 3rd grade inclusion class teacher. I'm the spec. ed. teacher in the room. We had another girl who was preg. at our school but she got fired...so that makes one. The thing that gets me is that people know I'm trying so I'm constantly asked if I'm pregnant yet. It's starting to make me think I'm getting fatter...haha. The other teacher is due in May. I actually am doing some after school center work and she is too. We all arranged our schedules around her due date. It''s just hard to be around it all the time. She brought in a cake and cookies to tell everybody...I'm just so jealous.
I just want to say that i know how much pressure infertility can put on your career and your marriage. The more invasive the treatments, the harder it is to take the failure. At least in our case I am the source. I think that male factor would have been sooo much more difficult on our marriage! After years of trying and failures depression is an inevitable conclusion. Pregnant women around us don't make this journey any easier especially when they flaunt it in your face! I am yet to see a second line on an HPT. Haven't even seen an evap line! So far our first three cycles after my surgery failed. After a month or two we are moving on to IVF and that what keeps me going. I am glad you prepaid for your next IVF cycle for that is the best treatment for my depression.
I wish you the best of luck and SSBD!
LOL I know how you feel about people asking. With the clomid I gain a little weight every month and people are always asking if I'm preg. too so they must think I'm getting a little heavier too! =) I am kinda small so when I gain a few pounds it's very easy to see so people are probably getting the wrong assumptions because they all know I'm trying! Actually one of the girls on maternity leave has her daughter in my class so she comes to drop her off every morning w/ the baby and her 2 year old... kinda hard and I know how it is cuz I'm extremely jealous of these ladies and I wish I wans't!
i just found out that a friend of mine is 6 weeks pg with her second child! UGH! last sept, she told me that they're going to start trying for a second...and boom! here she is 6 weeks pg - seems like no effort! its not fair! she doesnt even chart or anything! really, NO effort except the BD! and her cycle is not even regular!
I hope my ivf worked...this 2ww really sucks! I try to think positive...but I dont want my hopes to get so high...
Seems like everybody is feeling about the same way I am. I wish I were in better spirits to start the New Year! My hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant with our 2nd baby for 2 years now. It's been so frustrating! I've only ovulated 8 times in 24 months. We're currently seeing an RE but for my first cycle he only put me on 15mg of Actos. We've been through some treatments before, multiple rounds of Clomid, a couple rounds of injections, and 2 IUIs but to no avail BFNs. Anyway, I'm so discouraged and hopeless. My sister-in-law found out she was pregnant a week after my last unsuccessful IUI. She's due in May, 10 days after I would have been. It's been so hard and what's worse is that we have two trips coming up in Feb and Mar where I'll have to see her with her big pregnant belly. I'm so upset and I can't really talk to my hubby, he just doesn't understand. Anyone have any encouraging words?
Don’t feel bad! I can completely empathize with you. I had two m/c’s this year. My sister is due tomorrow, my sister-in-law is due in Feb and I have two best friends due in March and April. This has been one of the hardest times of my life. I’ve had to throw 3 baby showers since October and each time I return from them, I cry for hours. I know at least 10 people who are pregnant right now and I feel so ALONE.
Kat0513- I'm have no right complaining about attending a baby shower when you have had to throw 3. You are not ALONE as you can tell...since we all feel the same way. I know where I'm going after the shower on the 13th...HERE. It is very hard...I had a m/c in June and since then I feel like I've been trying to play catch up to getting preg. again....counting down the months...staring at my calendar...
Onedaysoon- My dh doesn't really get it either. For the first time though, I saw the pain in his eyes when he heard a couple of his friends wives were preg. I think he is feeling like I'm feeling he just doesn't show it. I go to acupuncture...psychics...talk on here...anything to make me feel better. he just keeps it in. For awhile he was sick of hearing about it but now I think he is also a little concerned...
I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. What a tough year for you! What's your story? Why the m/c's? How in the world are you handling all this and what do you tell yourself to get through it all? My heart goes out to you and I know how bad it hurts!
Your dh also sounds like mine. I guess it's not that he doesn't understand , he just doesn't outwardly express his disappointment the way I do. Maybe it's a guy thing. By the way how are you doing and what's your story? I just asked Kat about hers but would like to hear about what you are going through.
I got preg. in end of April the beginning of May. I had a m/c at 7 weeks in June. It took me 14 weeks to get af back. During that time I started to see a RE. He wasn't sure why af was taking so long coming back. He did a water sono and found nothing. With in 2 weeks I had af. That was Sept. We've been trying since. The first month i didn't o, second and third month I was on clomid and ovidrel. I produced good follicles but nothing came of it. This month I took a break from the meds. I just needed it for myself, my own sanity. It was so hard to do but I was going every morning before work for u/s and it was a lot getting up at 5 and racing to work. I also started acupuncture in Nov. I figured it can't hurt and it's super relaxing! DH and I are also feeling very discouraged this New Years. For the first time ever we are staying home....What's your story?
Well, my story is pretty complicated but to sum it all up, I have a 2 year old little girl but don't want her to grow up an only child. We've been trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years now but I'm really irregular. After 6 months off bc I went to the doc b/c no af at all. She gave me some provera then put me on clomid. Nothing the 1st cycle so she upped the dose. O'ed the 2nd but BFN probably b/c dh deployed 2 days beforehand. He was gone 4 months so when he got back I went on femara. 1st cycle BFN, 2nd cycle anovulatory, 3rd back on clomid 100 and bfn, 4th & 5th clomid 100 bfn, 6th no meds and ovulated on my own but bfn, 7th cycle anovulatory so I got a referral to an RE. He put me on injectibles and did IUI's for 2 cycles and still bfns. That was the end of Aug, beginning of Sept. We moved cross country the day I started af so I had to wait for my annual pap to get a new referral and that couldn't be done until the middle of nov. MY RE appt was 6 Dec. I went 14 weeks without af again and b/c of the provera finally got her the middle of the month. The doc diagnosed me with PCOS even though I don't fit the description. Anyway, put me on Actos to decrease my insulin resistance but nothing else. I'm CD 17 and thought I ovulated but accordingto my BBT I haven't. I'm pretty discouraged. I really would just like to ovulate, then maybe we'd have a chance. So that's my story in a nutshell. Sorry to hear about your blood disorder, I sure hope it doesn't create problems for you in the long run. Oh, and we're staying in for New Years as well.
I just went to a genetic counselor about my blood clotting disorder and he isn't really concerned. I'm taking one aspirin a day to thin out my blood but that's it. Oh and extra folic acid and vitamin b. Did you conceive your DD on your own? When I got preg. it was very easily so I don't know what's going on now. Too bad I couldn't stay preg. Were you monitored on clomid? I was and had good follicles and I know I o'ed so I'm not sure what the problem was. I will tell you clomid did dry up my CM so maybe that was the issue? What is the next step for you?
I know I'm not ALONE and this site has been a huge support group from me. I feel that I'm alone in my every day life which I'm sure is true for most of us on this site. I'm grateful to be able to go to all of you for support and greatful I have such a great DH.
It has been a tough year for me and I often wonder how I get through it. The only thing that keeps me going is by trying to stay positive and happy for those who are close to me. It is not their faults that I'm having these problems. I know I will have my day soon.
Here is my story….I don't have any problems getting pregnant, but I do have troubles staying pregnant. My first m/c's was at 16 weeks in April. I went in for an u/s at 14 weeks and found the baby stopped growing at 11w5d but still had a hb of 168. The doctor had me in for a follow-up u/s at 16weeks. This is when we found out I miscarried between 14 and 16 weeks. I had a DNC that day and a second one a week later because the ER surgeon left tissue behind. I didn't get my first AF for 10 weeks. Got pregnant again in August…at my 6 week u/s there was hb…had a follow-up u/s at 10 weeks and found I had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks. I opted to have the surgery this time around. I passed everything naturally on Halloween. My first period came on Friday. I have a hystersalpingography scheduled for this Friday. HSG is an X-ray of the uterus and fallopian tubes for which contrast dye is injected through the cervix. I am very excited and nervous to find out the news. I will give you all an update!!!
I know how you feel...three of my cousins are prego and one of my best friends is prego and another cousin just had a baby. I was so jealous when I found out about them especially because one of them is due around march which was my due date when I lost my baby. Its hard but you have to try to stay positive and believe that your turn will come. Good luck to everyone and your endeavours!
Ashort - Sounds like maybe it's only a matter of time for you! I hope the aspirin helps! Yes, we got pregnant with our DD on our own. I have PCOS and was on BC before I got pregnant, the doc thinks I ovulated on my own due to the residual hormones from the BC. Crazy! Anyway, we just moved so I'm seeing a new RE so we're having to start from scratch. It's really hard b/c I feel like we're wasting time! We'll see though. I am cd 18 and I don't think I ovulated and I'm supposed to fax a temp sheet to the RE this week. He'll start me on a new cycle if I haven't O'ed. I'm only on Actos to decrease my insulin restance, he doesn't have me on clomid or anything yet! I'm pretty discouraged! Anyway, that's the skinny on me!
Kat - Wow! What a rollercoaster of emotion! I'm sorry to hear of your losses; it must have been terrible! I'm trying to stay positive but you and I noth know how hard that is! I wish things were easier and I wish it would just happen, I feel like everyone around me is walking on eggshells all the time! So, let me know about your HSG! It's really not too bad, a bit uncomfortable but for me it wasn't painful.
Ashleigh - I understand your jealousy and wish I could snap my fingers and fix it! I'm dealing with a sister-in-law who's pregnant and a lot of friends who are as well. Wish I had more encouraging things to say!
It can be hard & some days you just feel like ****. I have just started IVF you think your hormonal & upset now!! all I can say is my poor husband. Plus they have told me I have a cyst so may not be able to carry on with it. But you know what I am trying to stay positive, everything happens for a reason. The other most important thing is that your body if under pressure will not function properly thats what stress does, so putting yourself under this emotional strain will greatly effect you being able to concieve, and the reason for this is because your body tells you that with your state of mind at present you wouldnt be able to cope with the pressures of a baby. So my advice to you is please try & chill out even if just for today, have a nice warm bath, play some chill out music & think positively.
A week before I was to start my ivf "regimen", the RE discovered a cyst. He did a test and a couple of days later he was able to remove the cyst by using a long syringe and sucking it out. A week later, I was able to start my regimen. I, too, got scared when he told me he found a cyst (and it was big - I saw it on the monitor). But just like endo, sometimes cysts just appear and its nothing serious.
You're right...things happen for a reason...my mom always tell me that. Sometimes that's hard to accept and it takes a while to sink in...
well I will keep my fingers crossed that it works for you, they have given me progesterone via pessaries, for when & if I get to that stage.
Its **** sticking needles in every day but hopefully the outcome will be well worth it.
I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.
Take care chill out, remember this is the time for you to relax you dont want any stress at the mo.
I just want to say I really feel for you I am only 3 weeks into my ivf & feel **** so you must feel even worse. My hubby came home from work the other day & told me his collegue & wife had 3 failed attempts at IVF and couldnt cope with doing it anymore so they gave up doing it completely, 6 months later they fell naturally! I know you probably cant take anymore but try and pick yourself up & feel better take a bit of time out for yourself doing something different maybe a massage or something. Hope you feel better soon
i understand completly i could not be in the same room at my sisters in laws baby shower i was stupid enough for going there but i had to go outside (even though it was 30 degrees that day) i just couldnt stand the though i was like grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr shes 19 why does she get a 2nd baby!! and now my hubbys cousins gf has her 2nd baby and shes 16 and now his other cousins gf is prego and i dont wanna know how old she is!!!!!!! so anyway i totally understand your feelings and yep if ur a b*** then we all are cus we apparently all have the same feeling!! u can vent here anytime u need!!
Don't you dear feel like ****!!!!! WE ALL DO IT!!!!! After you have been ttc for so long you just like seriously me time please! There is nothing wrong! And anyone that loves you will understand! And your exactly right we all want to know when our time will come! I know its hard but just know you need to deal with things in your own time! Goodluck baby dust to all
This thread is like reading my diary - if I wrote one. I was the last one of every group to get married (except in my college crowd). Friends from my town, friends my grade school, friends my high school, friends from jobs --- all have multiple kids. I know people who were told they did not ovulate and got pregnant with no meds, had one ovary and got pregnant with no meds, got pregnant at 41 with no meds, had twins the first time they had unprotetcted sex, had 5 abortions and had kids no problem --- you name it. And I am about to HOST a second baby shower after 3 miscarriages. But what can you do? A baby is a great thing and I can't expect people to apologize for a new life. I do wish they would stop complaining about their heartburn or sore feet or gas to me though. Then they say to me "Are you sure you want to do this to yourself?" And I think to myself - if I can handle seeing my baby boy with no HB at 14 weeks then I think I can handle a little flippin' gas. I think when I'm finally successful at this I promise not to complain or gush to any woman in my life who is not a mom.
I know what you mean... I understand completely.I feel like that too each time a friend or family member announces their news. It's just that question "when is it going to be me???????"....I hope you get your baby soon!!!
i feel the exact same way and i feel ugly about it ugh! I want to talk to someone about it, but i know they will think bad about me. The only one i talk to is one of my other sisters cuz she feels the same way, but then she just tells me to be quiet and i need to talk about it cuz i feel like the worse person in the universe!!!!! I am not a bad person either, if anything i love to socialize and have fun.
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