ivf buddy thread: ms320, fifi, miky, magda, fyrefly

I thought I will start a thread for ivf gals to stay in touch and share the news.  Cheerleaders welcome!

I have my baseline u/s tomorrow and hope to start FSH tomorrow as well although 7+ weeks of b/c are screwing with my body and after spotting for about 4 weeks while on b/c now AF is not really starting so I don't know what my doc will say...

I know that most of you guys are at different stages of the ivf process.  I hope to summarize what I remember.

Miky72 -  b/c. IVF for May.
Magda_s -  2ww with 3 super embryos wanting to implant.  When is your beta?
Mary (ms320) - FSH injections.  Any good news on your end?    
fifi - RE appt 22nd April.
fyrefly: in limbo between retrieval and transfer; right now transfer is set for Friday.  
Heather - Perinatologist appt April 30th
Dee - TWW, beta Monday
Lisa - hiatus

Since I have not heard from many of you I am hoping for an update.  Just trying to get in touch and stay in touch with all of you in the same boat.

[babyalive]

Hi Helen,

Well, I'm not in the IVF crowd, but certainly am willing to be a cheerleader!  I love the little shaking sounds the pom poms make.  Ra, ra, ra, go girl!   Give me B.  Give me a P.  Give me a BFP!  

[magda_s]

Oh Lisa, you crack me up!  I have this image of you sitting casually around and absently shaking a pom pom just to hear the shaking sound... too much! Maybe you should give one to Sparky to play with!!

And Helen... I think I said it all in my pm!  Thanks again!
Oh, and my beta is on the 23rd.
And no-o-o-o-o... I'm not scared at all.  Not one little eensy weensy bit.  oofffffff....
I was just saying to Dee that I've been trying for the past couple of days to figure out how I feel and I FINALLY put my finger on it.  I feel like I'm two different people.  One is 100% sure it's going to be a BFP and the other is trying to fgure out how to break to the first the bad news that actually the results are already in and it's a BFN.

[empty]

Hello girls - please can I be the petrie dish polisher. I promise to not use the spit and polish method.

Magda - you stay strong girlfriend ...lurve Tyra
Helen - good luck tomorrow!!!!!

[magda_s]

Dee... I hopefully won't need any more petrie dishes polished (fingers crossed, toes crossed, prayers being mumbled...) but you did make me laugh!! Thanks!!

Helen, hope all goes well tomorrow.  I'm sure you already know that it's perfectly normal to be spotting when on b/c for a long period and for it to mess you around a touch.  I'm sure AF will be showing up any day.  Why do you say you're not sure what your doc will say?  Re starting the FSH shots, you mean?  Sorry, correct me if I'm wrong but FSH is like lupron and that right?  That's the equivalent of my Menogan and I always started Menogan on day 3 or so of AF regardless of when she showed so it shouldn't be a problem.  You may not get to start tomorrow but soon.  Then again perhaps I have it all wrong and you're on a different protocol??

[Helen72]

Magda,
you are in 1ww now.  I hope your double personality will soon become one.  

I was supposed to get AF on Tuesday after taking my last b/c Monday.  So far I only got spotting that isn' t even as heavy as what I had when I was actually taking the pill.  Well, I am off to my u/s.  Will post an update after that.

[anne72]

Good luck ladies! Keep us all upated!:)

[Helen72]

Well, I am back and ready to start Gonal-F & Menopur (FSH injections). The good news is: the wicked cyst is gone!!!  My next u/s + b/w is on Monday.  Of course I teach Mondays but of the two appointments that they had available one was at 4 pm which is after my classes.  I feel like everything is going my way today  :)

My doc did not seem to worry about AF missing.  He said that my spotting must be my period.  I know that AF is much lighter when you are on b/c but this is way too light from what I remember from my b/c pill days.  

A question to all injection specialists here: Gonal-F came with its own syringes and needles but not Menopur.  Can I re-use the same Gonal-F syringe and needle for Menopur injections?  

Dee,
how are you holding up?  Any sign of AF?  I hope she stays away from you.

Mary,
we miss you!  

[jjsh44]

Helen! Your cyst is gone YAHHOOOOO:)
I like this thread-good idea!
Currenty on birth control and metformin pills. I won't be doing ivf until probably August or Sept.

[fifi blue]

Helen, fantastic news about starting meds.  Delighted for you.  Are you using the gonal f pen?  I used the pen and you just change the needle for each injection.  

Madga, only a few more days to go.  Twirling for you.

[magda_s]

Helen, SO happy about the cyst!  FINALLY!  Good grief!!!
And glad the doc said all was okay re AF and that you're on your way!!

[Helen72]

I am not using the pen.  I actually have to mix powder with liquid for both Gonal-F and Menopur.  The special plastic attachment for mixing Menopur comes with a set of instructions that only a PhD in engineering can follow.  I wish there was a book Injections for Dummies written by someone.  

Thanks for your PM.  Your comment about dh actually gave me a really good laugh  :)

[ms320]

Helen:  Thanks for starting the new thread.  Glad to hear you will begin stimming tonight.  Before starting Menopur, I actually watched a YouTube video someone had made:  Here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBQyYmW5uqo&feature=user
Basically, the whole Q cap thing is pretty easy once you get used to it.  If you have any specific quesitons, please feel free to ask.  I think I can do it in my sleep now. I don't really know the answer about the Gonal F syringes -- I used Follistim and it came in pen form.  I would think that you wouldn't want to double use any needles though, because they get dull after one use and the second injection would be painful.

Magda:  Time is ticking away -- I am hoping that a BFP is coming your way.

Dee:  Petrie dish polisher and Tyra.  That is quite a package.


On my end, things are not going very well.  I went in for b/w yesterday and my RE called me in the afternoon (not a positive sign for her, rather than the nurse to make the call)  Anyway, my E2 does not seem to be rising so she had me come in again this morning for b/w and u/s.  Don't have the results of the b/w yet, but the u/s was ugly.  Only 2 follies and they are both small.  Don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that she will cancel this cycle.  I am bemmed, and don't really know what I will do next.  The good news is that I am getting the news today.  At least I won't have to go into the clinic tomorrow.  The clinic is on the Uppper East Side of Manhattan, and that is right where the Pope will be tomorrow morning.  I am sure the city will be a huge pile of gridlock.

[Helen72]

Mary,
All I can say is shi&^%$t!  I wish I could swear on this forum sometimes.  I can't believe this is happening to you again.  Did your RE say why this again not working out?  Can your thyroid meds be causing this?  I just feel like there must be an explanation.  

I can't even imagine how devastating this is for you.  I wish I could make you feel better but I just feel so helpless.

p.s. SDScientist got her 5th BFN today.  I am not sure whether you follow her posts but this was her 5th ivf cycle, 2nd at the LV clinic.  I was going to write a comment but what can you really say??  I cannot even imagine being in her shoes.

[sasparilla]

good luck you guys!!!!!!  Go IVF...gooooooooooooooo  I.   V... F.   !!!

[fifi blue]

Mary, how many days have you been on gonal f?  There's always a chance that you can recruit more follicles.  And, can't the give you estrogen?  I'm hoping and praying for you.

f.

[magda_s]

Oh Mary, I'm SO sorry.  What else is there to say??  
But I don't understand... isn't there the possibility of upping the meds so the two follies increase in size in a relatively short period??

Helen, sorry I can't comment on the shots you're doing because it's all a bit foreign to me.  here it's all just vials that you snap open and regular old fashioned syringes.  But I'm so not surprised that there's a video on YouTube to show you how to do it!!!

[babyalive]

Ra ra sis boom ba! Helen's ovaries rock.  Got good news from the doc.  (shake and twirl with pom poms).  Kicked that cyst, kicked that cyst, kicked that cyst in the arse!   (jump, twirl, scream and shake my pom poms).  I am jumping for joy that things are going your way Helen.  Oh my it is about time!!!

I used the Follistim pen as well Helen. So, for me it was just a matter of changing needles.  But, like Mary said I wouldn't reuse a needle, though you can definitely reuse syringes as long as you rinse them really well between uses.   Oh, I've got a song in my head for you.  

Zippety do da, zippety dee ay, my oh my what a wonderful day.  Plenty of sunshine comin' my way, zippety do da, zippety dee ay.  Mr. Menapuar on my shoulder.  Gonal F is on his way.  Follies growin' in number.  Zippety do da, zippety dee ay.

I'm taking my cheerleading role very seriously.

[babyalive]

I felt the last post needed to stand on it's own.  It was my lone little cheer for Helen dear.

Okay.  For the rest of my IVF friends;

Mary, I am so sorry that things don't seem to be going your way.  I feel your pain and understand it completely.  DOR is the most painful of all fertility issues, because there is just so little control we have even with meds.  It's the same issue I've got going on and I know how painful it is.  I wish I knew something to say that would lift your spirits.  I know for me, I just keep trying to trust that EVERTHING in life DOES work out in the end.  God knows our future and he'll bring it all together for our good.  Even though it can be so very hard to see at the time.  I believe a baby is going to come your way when you least expect it.  Is your RE doing the slow build with you this cycle again, or a different approach?  

Fiona, Can we twirl together?  I'd like to twirl for Magda and Dee with you.

Dee, Okay, isn't your beta coming up?  I hope IUI is doing a good job of keeping BFN away.  I know it's hard to admit that AF is truly on our side.  But, she is.  However, she protects us the best by remaining in hiding.  I've got all my agents on her tail to keep her at bay from you.  

Magda,  Oh yes Sparky and I typically sit at home leisuring shaking our pom poms.   It's one of my many hidden talents.   And of course the sh sh sh noise is just the highlight!  You should try it sometime.  Maybe dh would enjoy shaking his pom poms with you.

As for me, I just got back from the dr. and  I have several different annoying injections (oops Fruedian slip?)...I meant to say infections going on that have nothing to do with ttc.  Although I think the months of taking fertility meds has just gotten my body all disquabombled and this is the result.  Anyhow I hate missing work AGAIN, so taking a break from ttc hasn't solved that problem.

Sort of off topic, but I'm home with time on my hands today...  Have any of you seen that news report of the 16 and 18 year olds that forced an 18 month old to smoke a pipe with either pot or crack in it?  It is just so madenning that it infuriates me.  I can't even watch the video when they show it.  The poor little baby is turning her head trying to avoid the pipe and the 16 year old grabs her and holds her head so the 18 year old can force the pipe in  her mouth.  Then they  make her inhale and laugh as she coughs and gags.  It make me so angry and is just so heart breaking.  I want to jump into the tv and grab that poor little girl and take her home.  Of course those are the kinds of people that reproduce like rabbits.  Not fair to us so deserving moms to be.

[babyalive]

Oops, I meant to say "leisurly" not "leisuring" shaking our pom poms.  The meds and Vicodin have clouded my brain a tad.  (-:

[HeathJo]

Hi sisters, temporarily back from the depths of hell. I just got home after a 3-day stint in the hospoital due to Hyperemesis, a fancy nme for dreadful chronic morning sickness. After being unabe to keep any food or drink down for 36 hours I went to the ER Monday night and the admitted me for a few days. I am doing better now, but it is possible that if this continues as it was, I may have to have a constant IV here ready for use. I m hoping this was just a final hurran for the babies to assert themselves, seeing as how I am 12 weeks 1 day along and most people feel better at 12-14 weeks.

Anyhoo that's why I have been so unavailable. Even scrolling down the computer screen has a tendency to make me sick, so I have barely been online. I am glad this new, more  concise post is going so I can keep up with my old friends a bit easier. You have all been so sweet with your notes and pms, and that is about all I hve checked the last week or two.

Mary--Girl, I just don't even know what to say as I am disappointed for you. I just really hope things work out at some point and my thouhts are with you.

Helen--I am so glad you can finally move forward after all of this waiting. Is your estimated retrieval still 4/30-ish? Oh, and do NOT reuse a syringe needle. It will not be sterile, and mixig two meds in a confined space without oxygen does not sound like a good idea. I am sure it wouldn't kill you, but I just don't think you should take any chances.

Lisa-- I am so sorry you are sick and in pain. You have such good spirit for being such a sick little cheerleader.

Dee--I am a bit lost as to where you are in the process, but as always I am hoping for good things for my favorite Aussie.

Magda--This one's a nail-biter, huh? You poor bi-polar woman, I have experienced that split in emotions myself. At least its temporary right? Hang in there.

I love you all and will as usual try to stay connected during this ill part of my pregnancy. Thanks again for all of your love and patience :-)

[Helen72]

Oh, I am so sorry about the constant sickness.  That must be terrible.  I had that for 2 days and I can't even imagine what that must feel like being so sick for weeks.  I can only hope that second trimester treats you better.  

We love having you back with us as a cheerleader but you don't have to jump up and down; Lisa is doing that  :)  Are you showing yet?

Lisa,
sorry about missed work.  Looks like health problems just refuse to leave you alone.  I hope you are feeling better soon.

Mary & Fiona,
thank you so much for the links.  I totally figured out what goes where.  Seeing the video definitely helps!!  

I think I finally figured out my syringe and needle situation.  Each Gonal-F box comes with 6 syringes w/ fixed needles and I will only be using 2 per package so I can use the rest for my Menopur injections.  Dilemma solved.  

Update:
Miky72 -  b/c. IVF for May.
Magda_s -  2ww with 3 super embryos wanting to implant.  Blood test: 04/23 (Wednesday)
Mary (ms320) - FSH injections.    
fifi - RE appt 22nd April.
fyrefly: in limbo between retrieval and transfer; right now transfer is set for Friday.  
Heather - 12 weeks+!!!  Perinatologist appt April 30th
Dee - TWW, beta Monday
Lisa - ttc hiatus, fighting infections and leading our cheerleading squad.

[HeathJo]

Helen"

I just really started showing this week. Up until now, I looke bloated, but now the protrusion could theoretically still be mistaken for just a person with a disproportionately big belly, but there is no way to suck it in. It is firm and perky-ish. You can only hide it by wearing a MooMoo dress or shirt, but soon I hear that won't even work! I am proud of my newly arrived bump, and will post photos as soon as I can.

This next month is a key one for us all (Plus my 37th b-day is May 3) so let's pray the next 4-5 weeks have magic surrounding them.

[babyalive]

Heather, my little kumquat, so nice to hear from you!!  I sent you an e-mail to tell you how sorrry I am for your recent hospital stay.  Boy, If I could take your morning sickness away from you for a day and go through it for you I would!  

Helen, glad you've gotten the needle/syringe situation worked out.  I'm looking forward to this new phase for you.  One day at a time, your getting closer and closer to retrieval!

Dee, You know, no pressure, but you better get on the stick and start peein'!  Either that or give me a full report on how your feeling (rub my belly) down there.

[empty]

Hi Girls

It astounds me still how there is this lovely group that still somehow feels the pain and disappointment twice as much as the person that goes through it. I write this because I do believe AF has turned up now. I know all of you have been praying and barracking for me so much - thanks from the bottom of my heart. Rest assured - I am not upset. I truly believe we will all get our BFPs even if it takes as long as when Heathers babies turn 21 (well maybe not that long but you get the idea!)

Helen - OMG! Finally you get on get on with life. It must have felt like you were holding your breath. I am so happy that cyst is gone. Upwards and onwards down there!

Mary - Oh hon...i am so sorry. We have missed you so much the last few days and I really hoped the next news you would bring would have us all over the moon for you. Stay strong Mary - you can beat this and we will be here alway you know that. However I also think you should hassle them about what you options are. Please let us know as soon as you hear.

Magda - only 5 days more.

Heather - the magical 12 weeks - congrats!!!! you hang in there girl. maybe your babies wont puke as much growing up.

Lisa - i swear you have been my personal cheerleader the last 48 hours.  i love you to bits.

xxoo
Dee
1.30pm Fri

[Helen72]

OK, did my first FSH injections.  After I saw that youtube video it was really easy to figure out how q-caps work.  Here's my problem.  I am supposed to inject 75IU of menopur.  I got little packets of Menopur powder (exactly 75IU) and each little powder bottle comes with saline liquid bottle.  So.... I mixed the two up using q-caps.  Then I draw 75IU of the solution and it's like 1/10th of the liquid that I got.  So, it took 3 injections of about 500 IU to inject the whole dose.  Was I supposed to only mix 75 IU of saline??  I am so confused...  Why the poweder comes with 2 ml of dilutant??  I'll be calling the nurse tomorrow since no one ever told me how much saline to add.  

To make the long story short I ended up having 4 injections tonight.

Did anyone have the same problem???  

[magda_s]

Heather it's great, as always, to hear from you but OMG what a hideous experience for you!!  I hope things just get better and better for you from here on in.  And congrats on finally having a proper bona fide bump!!!!!!

Lisa, you cracked me up as always with your cheerleading and songs.  Now don't you go hanging around outside your local high school, pestering the cheerleading squad to let you join as an honorary member or anything.  You can get in trouble for that kind of thing.

Helen, I'm with heather 100% about reusing the syringes.  But you say you have it sorted so must be okay now.  So what's with the saline??  They gave you a big bottle of the stuff and you have to decide how much to use???  That doesn't sound right at all.  But hey, again, I've no idea about pens and q-caps.  We just have the old fashioned stuff here.

Dee, I've said it before but you have a great attitude.  You go girl!!  And lets go with hoping we get our BFPs by the time Heather's kids are BORN shall we???  Rtaher than 21.  I'm thinking by the time they';re born would be nice.  Am I being a bit too pushy??

Well, what can I say?  Feeling a touch less bipolar today but not exactly better... I have this hideously sinking feeling that AF is on her way.  Perhaps she's just running into progesterone road-blocks.  I'm not a snivelling mess just yet as I'm trying very hard to hang on to denial.  A good thing denial.  But there we have it.

[ms320]

Helen: Glad you figured out the Q-cap thing.  It is a little weird, but actually pretty good because you don't dull the needle drawing up the diluant.  I was on 150 Menopur, but I have a basic understanding.  Each vial of powder is 75IU of Menopur.  In order to dilute the powder, you are supposed to draw up 1cc of diluant and mix it with the powder.  When the powder is dissolved, simply draw up the entire amount that is in the bottle. (At least that is what they told me at my class)  You should only have to give yourself one shot.  I don't believe there is a problem doing it the way you did it.  You are still getting the full 75 IUs of Menopur.  You just had to stick yourself more (ouch).  I will send you a PM in case you have any other questions.

Dee:  Sorry to hear that AF is on your doorstep.  Hate it when that Bit$# shows up.  I wish I had some real words of comfort, but unfortunately there is nothing I can say that will make you feel better now.  I just pray that your day comes soon.

Magda:  Asinking feeling is just that, a feeling.  I believe in concrete proof.  Let's face it, I am sure we have all "felt" that this was the month at one time or another.  Just as we can be wrong thinking we may have a BFP, we can also be wrong in thinking that AF is on her way.  I hope you are wrong -- I would love to stick my tongue out at you and say HA HA I was right.  (Yes, I often act like  a 7 year old)

Fiona:  Thank you so much for all your good wishes.  I just realized that today is the 18th.  Your appointment is practiacally here.   I hope this new RE has everything you need, and is able to help you get what you truly deserve.

Heather.  Oh, my poor Heather.  Hyperemesis.  And me being the queen of holding the ememsis basin (aka puke bucket).  I want you to know that I think about you every day, and hope that all this difficulty passes soon.  What a wonderful thing to hold over the heads of your children when they are 17 and acting out.   I can picture it clearly -- you saying "don't you talk to me that way.  I puked for 12 weeks straight when I was pregnant with you"  

Things on my end went pretty much as expected.  My RE called me and told me that my estrogen was still extremely low.  That couple with the size (or lack thereof) of my follicles, she felt it best to cancel the cycle outright.  No IUI conversion.  It is strange, but after about 3-4 days of stimming, I actually felt that nothing was happening.  She says she has one more protocol, but isn't very optimistic.  Not actually what I wanted to hear, but I do appreciate her honesty.  Anyway, I am going to set up a conference call with her so that both dh and I can speak to her together.  I am sure the dreaded donor eggs will be mentioned as the next step if the next protocol doesn't work.  Anyway, I am going to take a few months to just get my head right.  No use rushing right into another cycle.  I think my body needs to straighten out from the two cycles of meds, and I need to get my head in a better place.  My acupuncturist told me that she eants me to start taking some herbs since I will not be taking any fertility meds.  I guess it is worth a shot.  Lisa:  looks like you and I will co-chair the cheering committee for the next few months.  I didn't get too long to dwell on the news from my RE, because my dh called 30 minutes after I spoke with her and told me he was in the ER because he dislocated his shoulder.  I had to take a cab to the hospital where he works (which cost me $75!) so that I could drive him home. Funny, I didn't think of it until now, but maybe it is good that the cycle got canceled.  He might have a hard time doing his job with only one arm - I would have had to hold the cup. Yikes

[empty]

Oh my god Mary ...i am sorry but amidst all your comments, the last line made me giggle.  

I am so very sorry things arent too postive at the moment. I know this might sound dumb but I know you can take foods that help with estrogen levels like soyabeans. Since you are looking at herbs, its just a thought.

I finally took a sleeping pill tonight - my body is so messed up with insomnia that I havent slept well for weeks.

goodnight all
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
dee
11.03pm - Fri

[magda_s]

Mary, it's funny how words can actually help sometimes.  I've been pretty down in the dumps all day and I read your message and thought... yup... that's right.  There's no point embracing disaster before it even happens.  
And I do hope with all my heart that you get to be as childish as you like and to stick your tongue out at me as much as you like!  I guess it's just easier to believe the bad feelings and I find that I'm afraid to believe any good ones.
And like Dee said... you made me laugh too... with that, and with the comment to Heather, and with the last bit!
I wish you'd been wrong about what you expected and I sincerely hope with all my heart that this last protocol does work for you.  But for now, the best thing is to go with giving your body and mind a rest.  I keep telling myself that if this cycle really hasn't worked then much as I will want to start the next right away, it can only be good for me to be forced to take a break (won't be starting b/c till 2nd week in July).

Dee, hope you had a nice sleep.  That's one thing I can't complain about.  No insomnia here!  I sleep a solid 8 to 9 hours every night... normally closer to 9.  And with that, I had the nerve to go and take a nap this afternoon.  It was just such a wonderfully bright, sunny, lazy afternoon and the birds are singing and I couldn't resist.

Off topic but I just finished an excellent book which probably didn't help my negative mood... it is shockingly depressing and not just a little bit disturbing.  It's Khaled Hosseini's newer one, "A Thousand Splendid Suns".  Same guy who wrote "The Kite Runner".  Has anyone read it?  OMG... excellent but, like I said, perhaps not quite the light-hearted, uplifting sort of thing I should be reading at the moment!!  I mean, I know it's just a novel but at the same time, you can't help keeping in mind that this particular sequence of events may not have happened to peaople represented by these characters but you KNOW that these things DID happen and worse and it's just heartbreaking.  And he brings in a couple of recent major world events that yank you out of the security of the fictional and bring home to you how recent these events are.  
Anyway, I'm rambling.  Back to work... DH is doing his masters and I'm helping and there's a deadline looming ever closer for his first assignment!

[babyalive]

Mary,  I am very sorry about the bad news and having the cycle cancelled.  I can't imagine how disappointing that is.  Though seflishly, I'm glad to have you as my cheerleading partner.  I can say from experience that time off does help clear ones head and give you a brief reprieve from ttc anxiety.  Though the thoughts still linger and creep in, the stress level is defintely lessened.  And I did get a good laugh at dh's expensive.  Yes, he would have missed the cup for sure and you would have had to help with that.

Helen,  It sounds like you have the mixing figured out.  I'm sorry I don't have experience with the powder but can't imagine you are supposed to be poking yourself 3 times.  Youch!  I hope Mary's able to help you get it figured out so you won't have to do that again.  Dh owes you sushi AND lobster for 3 pokes at one time.  

Dee, Get some rest.....

Magda,  Thinking ahead to the next cycle helped me deal with anxiety about the current one as well.  But, the reality is we may all be sticking our tongues out at you and say na, na, na,  told ya so!  I'll even shake my pom poms and booty while doing it.  

I haven't read The Kite Runner but heard it was a good book.  If you want light reading, I'm reading a great book right now called Eat, Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  It's written with her own journal entries entertwined throughout the story like a novel.  She worked as an editor, but wasn't satisified with her job or her marriage.  So, she leaves both and travels to Italy to discover herself, good food, and romance.  It's nice, light reading.

I must go practise the splits, and my turns now to be the queen of cheerleading.

[Helen72]

Mary,
I can't believe this is happening to you again.  This is so frustrating.  I hope time off helps your body recuperate and perhaps your next try is more successful although you do not sound very optimistic.  I know that donor eggs is a touchy issue for many people and you do not sound very eager but success rates are so much higher.  Will you ever seriously consider that option?

I talked to the nurse and she said that what I did last night is OK although she recommended 1 ml instead of 2 for my injections.  Also, I obviously used a wrong syringe.  Tonight I'll try to find the right one.  Thank you so much for your generous offer on syringes and needles.  I'll see what I can dig up from my meds box tonight and will get back to you.  Also, I realized this morning that dilutant for Gonal-F was not 450 IU and I did not inject half of the powder last night as I was supposed to.  So, I got yet another shot of Gonal-F this morning to make up the difference.  You probably think I am the biggest idiot but our shot lesson did not explain any of this!!!!  I am tempted to ask for my money back  :(

Magda,
I read both  A Thousand Splendid Suns and the Kite Runner.  I definitely loved A Thousand Splendid Suns more and recommended it to many people although for some reason both of his books have characters struggling with infertility which is depressing.  However, his books in general deal with depressing issues...

Lisa,
are you feeling better today?  I actually think that you will like A Thousand Splendid Suns.  It's a very quick read; you may enjoy it.

HeathJo,
can't wait to see your belly pix.  I hope you are doing better!!!

[magda_s]

Lisa, your a star and I do hope with all my heart that you ALL get to stick your tongues out at me and I would SO hate to deprive you of an opportunity to shake that booty... oh... and the pom poms of course!  But yes, I'm trying very hard to think about the next try to sort of prep myself.  My lower back's been hurting all day and my belly's been cramping mildly... could be Af... could be not... but I've cuaght myself thinking positive thoughts a couple of times like I'll notice that other normal signs of Af aren't manifesting (although they don't always) and think this is a good sign but when this happens I find myself quickly brushing the idea out of my head.  Definately afraid of being too hopeful.

We'll se ehow it goes.

As for books... I saw an Oprah show with this lady and kind of got turned off the idea of the book but I guess I have to have a look at it and see for myself.  Unfortunately that won't be until the summer because considering where I live, I only get to buy books when I go to Canada or Oz or basically anywhere other than here!!  
Dangerous things books, don't you know?  Can't have any which ones coming in to the country and corrupting the people!

[ms320]

Helen:  Beleive me, I do not think you are an idiot.  Sometimes during the classes, they forget that people aren't nurses and don't really explain the basic details.  They go over  sterilization and the actual injection, but they forget about the mixing  which of course is the most difficult part.  I was fortunate to be on the Follistim pen, so basically I just put a cartridge in, dialed my dosage, and gave the injection.  Much easier than the Menopur.  Another thing about the Menopur that they didn't mention was that there is always extra diluant if you are only using 1 ml to make the solution.  They give you one bottle of diluant for each 75 IU bottle of Menopur, so you can discard the diluant that is left over in the vial and start with a fresh vial each night.

I am not sure what do say about the donor egg situation.  Right now, it is a reality that I don't want to deal with because I have very mixed feelings about the whole thing.  Basically, without getting too personal, I find myself in this situation because dh didn't think he was ready to start a family earlier.  It's not like we are newlyweds or anything, we will be married 19 years in May.  I wanted to support him and didn't want to push him into something as big as this, so I agreed to wait.  Well, time kept ticking, and here I am.  The whole thing has made me very bitter, and although he has been very supportive since we started TTC, I am dealing with a lot of anger issues.  I guess I am afraid that if we go the DE route, that I will feel like the child is a part of him, and not me, which could potentially lead to major problems.  

Wow, I can't believe I actually admitted all of that.  I am usually very unwilling and unable to share my feelings, but I guess I needed to get that off of my chest.  Thanks for listening and sorry about getting so personal.

[babyalive]

Helen,  Yes, I'm feeling much better today.  Not even taking any pain killers which is wonderful! I think the antibiotics are kicking in and doing there work.  I'll have to put A Thousand Suns on my book list to read next.  I'm sorry the mixing has been so confusing.  They should make the process easier.  I'm also suprised the clinic didn't give you a video/cd regarding mixing AND injecting.  When I had the Follistim pen, I was given a cd to watch instructing how to load, inject and correct any mistakes.  Your clinic should offer a similar thing. It's too bad they didn't.

Mary, I think it's a great thing that you shared that and got that off your chest. I would feel the same way you do.  19 yrs together is a long time to choose to wait for a child. It is so unfortunate that men don't have the same timeline urgency that we women do.  I have similar feelings with my ex-bf.  I was 39 when I met him and had decided earlier in my life, if I was single at 40, I would begin ttc using donor sperm.  Well,  I was single, but dating.  When I told my bf my plan he told me he would have a big problem with me using donor sperm and he would no longer date me if I made that choice.  He also kept telling me to quite worrying and that I had plenty of time to choose to have a baby later.  Well, my own stupidity I chose to believe him instead of investigate it myself and I waited.  At the time of course I knew nothing about FSH, DOR, or any of the important things ALL women should know before they turn 40!   Ultimately, it was a hard lesson for me to learn that I made the choice not to be more aggressive and research things sooner.  Regarding the DE issue, perhaps you could consider adopting an embryo?  That way the child is equally neither of yours biologically.  BUT, you still get the glory of carrying it and nourishing it in your own body.

Magda,  I haven't see the author on Oprah.  I typically don't like her book choices so I probably wouldn't have read it had I know it was an Oprah choice.  I have two girlfriends who each read it and both recommended it.  So, I tried it on their advice.  I haven't gotten very far into it yet.  She's in Italy now (where I'm reading).  They'll be sections when she travels to India and then to Bali.  We'll see how I feel about it at the end.  Although it's hard for me to read at the moment.  One of my 3 infections is Conjuctivitious (pink eye) and my vision is a bit blurred because of it.  

Heather, I too can't wait for the baby bump picks.  Oh it's so exciting!

Dee, I'm so happy to be your personal cheer leader!

I'm on cd 28 right now and no sign of AF.  Fertility friend says I o'ed on cd 25!  So, this could be a very long cycle for me.  Sleepless_Mom told me a while ago that sometimes women who undergo fertility treatments bodies will go into a menopausal state.  I so hope that isn't what's happening to me.  Wouldn't that be awful.  Trying to enhance ones fertility and your body rebelling and doing the very opposite!

[Helen72]

Mary,
your resentment is natural and just.  I totally see your donor egg perspective; I believe most women in your shoes will feel the same bitterness.  I would resent donor eggs in your positions myself. Since your dh is a physician (unlike Lisa's b/f) he should have known better!   Unfortunately, we cannot turn the time back...  But we can use efficiently the time that we are given.  Have you thought about getting a second opinion and perhaps talking with someone outside of your clinic?  Ivf protocols vary quite a bit across physicians and a high-FSH friendly RE may have a better idea of what may work for you.  I know that Cornell clinic has good stats but what's the point if they cannot get you to the transfer stage??  I would use your time off to look around for options.  Do not wait and postpone ttc needlessly.  

I know what will make you feel better: reading "A Thousand Splendid Suns"!  Just imagine having ttc problems with Taliban on your tail  :)

[ms320]

Helen:  Thank you for your understanding.  The whole putting it off for so long has become quite an area of contention around here.  I am setting up a conference call with my RE either next week, or the week after, and I am trying to do a little research and compile a list of questions.  For example, my RE uses a high stim protocol (450 Follistim and 150 Menopur), and I want to know what her feelings might be for a low stim protocol.  Additionally, they have suppressed me prior to stimming during both cycles.  I understand the remise is to quiet everything down so the follicles respond better to the stim meds.  However, perhaps it would be better if they didn't supress me.  If you think of any other questions I can/should ask, please let me know.  I will look into seeing another RE if I need to.  However, Cornell is one of the most high-FSH friendly groups around.  I am afraid that if they can't get me to transfer, then nobody will be able to.  I am still researching it though.  Not to worry, I don't plan on being on the sidelines for too long.  I just need a month or two to get my body regular and my head in a better place.  My RE has put me on a 10 day course of Provera to help regulate my cycles as they might be our of whack because of the meds I have taken.  Hopefully, everything will fall back into place in a timely manner.  
Good luck with your meds tonight.  I hope it goes more smoothly than last night.

[fyrefly]

Sorry, I just saw this post :)

[babyalive]

Mary,  
My RE told me that with some women a lower dose works better than a higher dose and the only way to know how your body is going to respond is by trial and error.  If these last two cycles were on the higher dose, then maybe for you the lower dose will work.  I was told that sometimes the higher doses have the reverse affect and I'm sorry I can't remember the reason why this is.  Also, Helen is certainly right when she says your feelings are just and natural.  What a patient wife you have been to have waited so long for dh to come around.  As I said, I would feel the exact same way.  I really hope this conference call gives you some answers and a direction to go from here.

[Helen72]

Mary,
about questions to ask.  I believe you were on agonist protocol.  I found some info that some clinics are reporting that women who are low responders to ovarian stimulation protocols that involve use of Lupron might be able to stimulate better if an antagonist such as Ganirelix is used instead.  Perhaps you can ask your RE about these alternative protocols:
http://www.advancedfertility.com/ivfstim.htm

This site also describs a so-called flare protocol that may help.

((HUGS))

[Helen72]

I am impatiently waiting on your transfer news!!!!

[fyrefly]

Ladies I trying to slowly read each and every post. I wish you all well and hope to be able to join in the conversation now.

Tomorrow at 10:30 I will be having ET. I am excited and scared. It feels like I just looked into this yesterday! Already it is happening. It is just amazing.

I wish all of you a worry free night.

[ms320]

I will be sending positive thoughts your way tomorrow morning. Try to relax and get some sleep

Mary

[fifi blue]

Mary, I'm so sorry.  Your feellings, like Helen and Lisa said, are justified.  I don't know what to say but know that we are here for you whenever you need us.  I hope that at least sharing this has helped.

I understand how you feel being a poor responder myself.  I agree with Lisa about the high doses having the opposite effect and have come to the same conclusion.  When I was on a lower dose I produced more follicles.  Not on a scale to compete with Madga the follicle queen but maybe 4-5 and actually had success on the first iui with injectables.  Unfortunately, it was a chemical pregnancy but I was really encouraged by it.  Since then the doses have got higher and higher and I've produced less and less follicles.  We'll see what the new RE says on Tuesday but I'm okay with using donor eggs, I've thought about it a lot and decided that at the end of the day I want a child in my arms however that may come about.  I know you're dealing with some difficult issues right now and I don't blame you for resenting your DH but don't let your anger get it the way of your goal.  

Thinking about you.  God bless
Fiona

[HeathJo]

Thanks to everyone for your sympathies. I am doing even better today than yesterday, so I am grateful. Hoping it lasts. . .

Mary--I'm sorry just doesn't even cut it, so I'll just say kudos to you for your maturity in dealing with all of this. I would be soooooooo resentful and furious having waited so long for a man, it's such a testament to the love and strength of your marriage that ot only you are persevering in TTC, but that you know yourself well enough to admit your feelings and share them. Maybe that is part of you are having to go through all of this, to learn about opening up. We can tell God you've learned your lesson and to give you a baby already!!!! Seriously though, I hope you can consider the donor egg option and get used to the idea simply so you have an alternative. The baby would be just as much yours even if it were adopted, but biologically I can see how your hormones and feelings jumble together to feel othersiwise right now. Taking a break from meds will really help you sort things out, I believe. Meantime, I think of you everyday also and am praying for the best for you.

Lisa--Gawd, 3 infections???? I am surprised you have the energy to cheer everyone on right now. Please take good care of your sweet self.

Helen--I got confused just with the Follistim pen, and my Ovidrel trigger had to be diluted and mixed and confused me so badly I had to have my mom (a registered nurse) do it for me. I hope it gets easier :-D

Dee&Magda--I'm sending you some of my progesterone over the wires to help keep AF away. God knows I have enough to spare. Seriously though, I am praying for ya'll.

Fyrefly--Good luck tomorrow an nice to meet you.

Miky--Hope you are gearin up nicely for the 28th. I am so rooting for you.

Hugs to you all, and I hope I can keep up posting regularly. If not, you know I'll be back.

[ms320]

First, let me thank you all.  You have all been very supportive of me, and for that I am genuinely thankful.  I actually reread my "resentment" post, and am absolutely mortified that I shared that with all of you.  Having grown up with no sisters (as well as having a bunch of other issues) , sharing is not something that comes easily to me.  I have always prided myself on my ability to hold in my feelings and show no weakness.  I apologize for sounding like a weak and whiney loser.  Try not to hold it against me.  I wish I could erase the post.

[babyalive]

Mary, Mary quite contrary - I couldn't disagree with you more.  You did not sound whiney, resentful or like a loser in the least!   The reason we come together is too support eachother in how we are feeling at any particular moment.  You were obviously feeling strongly about something at the moment and needed to share that.  It actually takes more strength to share feelings, than to withhold them.  You showed great strength in opening yourself up to us.  Your dh's a doctor and he would tell you I'm sure that if a patient doesn't share symtpoms with him, he can't diagnose the problem or come up with a treatment.  Feelings are the same way.  If we don't share them, we can't help one another in healing them.  I for one, am glad you wrote that post it helps me understand you better.  Please don't feel badly about it.


OK.  A while ago I started a birthday chart.  Heather mentioned her birthday in an earlier post and it reminded me I haven't finished it yet.  I do not have Mary's, Fiona's, Miky's, or Firefly's birthdays yet.  No need to give me a year, unless you want to.  But, a month and day so we can be sure to wish you a happy birthday when it arrives.  

Far as I know, no birthdays in April.  May 3rd Heather, May 4th Lisa, June 18th Dee, Nov 8th Jen(if she joins in here), Dec 5th Magda, March 8th Helen, March 13 Ashort(if she joins in here).

[Helen72]

Guess what, my little cousin is expecting her third!   Have I ever mentioned that she can barely take care of the two that she has?  And the most frustrating thing is that I am very sure that she is pregnant because she married a religious fanatic who does not believe in contraception!  Last time we saw him in Berlin I asked him (that was right after their first son was born) how many kinds they want to have and his answer was “as many as God gives.”    Dh thinks that I am being bitter and resentful and there may be some truth to that but somehow this feels so unfair to the kid.  I don’t have a clue how my cousin feels these days since after her marriage she’s been pretty withdrawn from everyone and our conversations are pretty superficial.  She is struggling to finish University which she started before her first kid was born and teaches on weekends some religious classes and organizes religious camps for kids.  Being an ex-Soviet this is fairly foreign to me and the rest of the family.  I have much respect for religious values but somehow a child should be wanted for reasons other than God’s will.  

OK, never mind my venting.  I guess I am feeling bitter.  


Lisa,
thanks for the long anticipated b-day chart!


Mary,
I am not a big shearer myself but I feel perfectly comfortable sharing my life with everyone here.  I share a lot more with my cyber sisters than with my family and non-cyber friends.  In fact, people on this forum are the only ones (besides my dh) that know what’s actually going on in my life.

[magda_s]

Helen, I don't know how I missed your post about having read both of Hosseini's books.  Yes, I can't believe I forgot to mentio the infertility issues.  As soon as I realised what was happening to Mariam I thought... oh brilliant... here we go!  But good grief does it ever make you realise how wretched some people's lives can be.  I think the un-hollywood-ness of it all is a facet of reality we sometimes forget and depressing though it can be, it also makes me appreciate all that I take for granted from basic freedom to the people around me.  Anyway... sorry... don't mean to turn this into a book club!
As for your bitterness about your cousin... frankly, I'd be pretty sodding bitter myself.  Sure, that might be petty in some people's eyes but I agree with you 100%... a child should be wanted for more reasons than God's will.  I too have a lot of respect for religious beliefs but your cousin's DH's style of belief is one that I literally can't understand.  It's actually a style a find a touch frightening.  I have a few family members (an aunt and a couple of cousins) who are the same way and it makes me feel that there's a suspension of reason and logic in favour of "God's will" which seems to equate more to "chance" than anything else.  Sorry... now I'M sounding bitter!!  It's just dealing with these family members gets to me.

Mary, I can't really add anything different from what everyone else has said.  Frankly, who wouldn't feel resentment and bitterness in your shoes?  That's a long time to be patient only to have all these difficulties thrown at you in the end.   And you have absolutely no reason to regret it.  I know what you mean about wanting to take back something you've admitted - like Helen, I'm actually not a big share-er either but I share here and sometimes it does one a world of good to just let it out.  Why should you have to carry it alone for so long???
I agree with looking into other clinics but otherwise, I thought Lisa's suggestion was a very good one; of adopting an embryo.  I'm not sure how you feel about donnor eggs in and of themselves or if it's just the fact that the baby would be partly your DHs but not yours.  I've been thinking a lot about donnor eggs because I'm starting to wonder about myself and I really don't know how I feel about them yet.  But I do keep asking myself that if it came to that, after 9 months of that egg growing inside me... wouldn't I feel just as attached and just as much that it was "mine" as if it had been my own egg??
However, I wish you all the best Mary and I hope this rest period turns out to be a really good one.

Lisa... you poor thing.  I've had conjunctivitis several times and it's so unpleasant on its OWN!  I hope you start getting better real soon!!!

Heather, great to hear you're feeling better.  I hope it just keeps improving and there's no relapses!!!

Dee... where are you?  Hope all's well with you and you're doing okay and enjoying your new heat!!

Fyrefly, just wanted to say hello as we've not met!  Best of luck tomorrow.

[empty]

Hi Guys

I am here. I have had a day of cleaning my house. Its been really hard as I am not feeling all that well from A/F's visit. I have 8 people staying over next week for 4 days (inlaws) and needed to give the place a good clean.

Mary - i pmed you and i hope i didnt rabbit on about things but i do sincerely hope that everything turns out well for you. I know it will.

Magda - you have inspired me to read the book. I did pick up KiteRunner but i found it hard to get through and also I was trying to read this during my previous stressful job so maybe now that I am relaxed I should pick it up again. Please feel free to recommend books. I totally love reading. However I must say my favourite airport reading author is Jodi Picoult.

Re sharing the TTC struggles,  I must admit before  I found this site, I couldnt understand and felt so very alone about the issues of infertility/miscarriage and loss. I remember after my first loss, I went straight back to work the next day and it just felt wrong as no one recognies and talk about issues like these. We talk about getting a cold at work and yet infertility and miscarriages are such taboo subjects. Even now I dont discuss this with any of DHs family or our friends. Only my mum, dad and sister know. I think when I have my babies though, it would be different as I would totally talk about it and be open of how hard it was.

[magda_s]

Dee... I LOVE Jodi Picoult!!!  I was travelling once and knew I would finish my book half way through the trip but I had a 3 hour lay over so I figured I'd buy something at the airport.  Sadly the first leg was delayed so had to make a mad dash to catch my connecting flight.  On the plane, I happened to be sitting next to a lady who had also just finished her book so we swapped and there was my intro to Jodi Picoult.  I've read everything of hers now and every time I go back to Canada I look to see if there's anything new by her.
Anyway, I really thought A Thousand Splendid Suns excellent but seriously, don't read it if you're feeling fragile at all.  Perhaps wait till after the in laws are long gone!!! ;-)

As for sharing, you hit the nail on the head there Dee... isn't that what this site's all about?  Personally, I don't mind talking about it and I wonder if that isn't to do with where I am... I don't know... I think people do talk about it more here.  I mean, keep in mind that in the middle east, the moment you get married everyone starts asking if you're pregnant yet.  Having children is such ... I can't say a socially accepted... more like a socially "enforced" thing.  So I have a few friends who know but they sure don't understand so I don't talk about it anymore.  
I have one "friend" who has phoned 3 times during my 2WW to tell me she was coming to see me and 3 times she hasn't shown up and she never even calls to say she can't make it.  This is the same woman who originally said she'd come round every day so I wouldn't have to get out of bed but I told her it wasn't going to be like that this time.  It is also the same woman who doesn't work because her husband won't let her and she has a maid to clean the house and another to help her with her two kids!!!!!  
Sorry... went on a vent tangent there!

[Helen72]

Thank you for your understanding!
Hosseini's books are great during 2ww since they take your mind off of everything else.  Both of his books deal with infertility, includiong the main character of the Kite Runner.  We have a huge library at home and go to bookstores many times every week.  I will be happy to send you any book from here.  

If anyone wants to avoid books having to do with kids and/or infertility, I highly recommend Ayn Rand.  Her characters never reproduce :)
Magda, I will be happy to mail you a copy of Atlas Shrugged if you haven't read it yet.

[magda_s]

Helen, I can not BELIEVE you brought up Ayn Rand... I have read Atlas Shrugged a few times... like I lost count after the 10th!  I have also read everything else she has ever written.  I bought Atlas shrugged a second time because my first copy got so worn but I keep it because I can't bring myself to get rid of it.  
Thank you for the offer but I don't go anywhere for any significant period of time without Atlas Shrugged.
hey, thanks... you brought me out of my funk a bit.
I'm absolutely losing it.  Yup... tried to take the philosophical high road but it's not working for me.  I have spent all day trying to be positive but then I feel a twinge in my belly and I KNOW AF is coming.  pLus I can't ignore the lower back pain.  But I so desperately don't want to believe it and I'm grasping at straws and now I just had a look on line and found all sorts of people saying they had AF symptoms including lower back pain and it turned out to be pregnancy symptoms and now I'm REALLY scared because I SO want to believe that that's what's happening to me but I'm so sure it isn't.
Aaaaargh... I'm making MYSELF sick with my whinging so feel free to ignore me.  

[babyalive]

An update to the b-day chart:  May 3rd Heather, May 4th Lisa, June 18th Dee, Nov 8th Jen(if she joins in here), Dec 5th Magda, March 8th Helen, March 13 Ashort(if she joins in here) and Mary March 20.

Helen, your welcome.  How are you doing? What are you reading today?  Thanks for the book recommendations.

Magda, Yes, AF symptoms are very similar to pg symptoms so it's very hard to tell.  Just try to relax and realize you've done all the work and now it's just time to wait and let your body take care of the rest.  Sound easy enough.  But, of course I know it's not!  When is your beta?  I want to know  how much time I have to work on my next bfp cheer.

Dee,  Sorry Af isn't being kind to you.  She's a tough little cookie that one.  You're certainly going to have your hands full soon.  Let me know if you want my mac & cheese recipe.  It's easy and feeds lots of people!

Fiona, I'll be thinking of you this week as your appt. approaches.

Heather, your absence tells me you've been puking again.  I'm thinking of you as well and hope this lets up soon!

Mary, I got your pm.   You're so welcome!!!

[HeathJo]

Lisa--No puking, but bad nausea and a migraine, plus sleeping as much as possible. I forgot to mention I had a migraine on top of everything this week, which they also treated at the hospital. I'm doing OK but only up for communicating for brief periods of time, and then I am down again. It's better than nothing, though!

Mary--You are way too hard on yourself about sharing your feelings. If you whined any LESS I would think you had a penis. Seriously,I do have 3 sisters but cannot stand "girl" talk. One annoying thing about being pg is EVERYONE thinks you want to discuss feminine issues and should be euphoric all the time. Well, judge me as people may, as happy as I truly am to be pregnant, being pregnant is not the end-all be-all. In fact, it SUCKS!!! I am grateful, don't get me wrong, but I wish at least one dang woman would have ponyed up and admitted how much this can really suck without glorifying the whole thing. I for one find it refreshing that you can be honest about your resentments and feelings. Too many people tthink they or their marriage must appear to be "perfect" or else something is wrong with them.

Helen--Oh dear God I am so annoyed on your behalf. Jesus-freaks are the WORST. Sorry if that offends anyone, as I am a Christian myself, but I hate it when people use God as some sort of basis to justify irrational behavior. I mean, how convenient that a MAN wants as many kids as possible. It seems like some sort of virility ego-trip to me that keeps women "in their place" more than a religious issue in my opinion. How utterly annoying for you to have that in the family.

Magda--I LOVE Jodi Picoult also. I haven't read those other books you mentioned, and now I am glad. I normally read 2-3 books a week, but lately it makes me very dizzy so I haven't. Anyway, I am sorry the wait has you so crazy right now, and I don't blame you. It's such a mind game, this waiting. I hope this is it for you sweetie.

Dee--Good God 8 people for 4 days??!!?? And in-laws to boot??!! On top of AF?? Bless you child, I'd be in prison for homicide by now.

Anyone heard from Fiona lately?

SO, as you can all see I have my sarcasm back, so I must be doing better. Back to the subject of sharing on this forum, I was so scared to admit I was having triplets and decided to reduce to twins, as I was (and still am) afraid of being judged. However, how can anyone else be helped here if I am not honest and open? I stand by my decision and challenge anyone in my shoes to try and argue to me that it is "God's" will that I engage in a pregnancy that could and would risk my life and ALL the babies' lives.  My point is, to back up Mgda, Dee, and everyone else, is that no one discusses these issues, leaving so many women feeling lost and isolated. If resenting your dh, not enjoying pregnancy, having fertility problems, or just plain not being perfect is so wrong, then most women in this world would be deemed unworthy. This is why so many of us feel that way, because no one admits these things. Kudos to as all for having the balls to be honest.

[landdwantababy]

Hi girls-
Wondering if I could join you.  I am going to start my first IVF cycle in May.  I have done 4 IUI's- I had one chemical pregnancy and the other 3 attempts did not work.  I went to the RE this past week and wants me to take this month off and start in May.  I am so anxious and nervous but excited that hopefully things will work out this time.

[Helen72]

HeathJo,
I believe that your honesty and guts are truly appreciated by all.  I was a little surprised when you posted about your decision to reduce as I was afraid that some fanatic may hurt your feelings or can make you feel uncomfortable in any way with your decision.  But you are right that it's better to share the information so that people who go through the same dilemma do not feel isolated or stigmatized.  I was very happy and relieved that response was 100% support from everyone.

Your sarcasm was thoroughly missed and I hope you are back to cheer us on and share your experiences for good.

Lisa,
right now I am reading biography of Marcel Proust.  If you never read his novel I doubt you will find it interesting since his life was kind of boring.  I am a huge Isabel Allende fan and her books are great if you are looking for an engaging and rewarding read.

Dh is going to DC tomorrow morning and I will have to do my shots by myself.  Right now I just lay on the bed, close my eyes and cover them with my hand (not sure why I do  both) while he does the injections.  I may have to call you tomorrow night when I have to do the injections on my own to hold my hand.

Dee,
sorry about AF.  How are you feeling?  I hope you recovered from the false positive.  It took a lot out of me when I had that problem.  All I can say is that I wish you O on your good side this cycle.

Miky,
how are you doing?  When is your baseline sono??  We miss you!!!!

landdwantababy,
sorry about your struggles with infertility.  We are all here in the same boat.  I hope ivf works for you.  Are you on b/c or will you be starting b/c in May?

[magda_s]

oh no-o-o-o-o-o-o... I just wrote this really long post and it's all gone!!!!  aaaaargh.  what?  What did I press?  What did I do???  Ugh!

Right... in a nutshell...

Lisa & Heather, thanks for your comments and thoughts. And Heather, you are SO right about everything you said to Mary.  Mary... she's right!! Peple who always have to portray their lives as perfect are so frustrating.
I feel for you re the pregnancy being so difficult.  I'm sure that for some it really is a bag of laughs but surely people can comprehend that that's not the case for everyone.  Personally, I fully expect to writhe through several months in a wash of hideous pain because I don't think my back will take too kindly to my being pregnant (assuming of course that I get there!).
And Heather, I sincerely hope you manage to stop worrying about being judged.  You know that your decision was really the only one you could have made.  Anything else would be in line with what the "Jesus freaks" would do and that would be REALLY scary.  Besides, if anyone on here was ever ignorant enough to try to judge you, they would meet with such a barrage of telling off they wouldn't know what hit them.

Helen, good luck with doing your shots on your own.  OMG, I couldn't do it.  I'm like you with lying down and closing my eyes till it's all over.  Can't you go to a clinic to have a nurse do it or something?  Here I can go to the pharmacy and they'll do it.  I guess that's out in the States huh?

Dee, when do the in-laws descend upon you??  I'm lucky in that regard... I don't have to deal with in-laws for the most part... we're too far away.

Mary, I hope you're doing okay and not still feeling bad about your post.  I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that everything we said was meant very sincerely.  The more I think about it the more I realise the enormity of what you've had to deal with and framnkly, I don't know how you could carry all that on your own.

Right... best get my day going as it's already 10:30am and I'm still in my pj's!

[sasparilla]

Where did the AGP thread go?  Im infiltrating this thread because I cant find the other one.

Helen, Im kinda jealous your DH gives you your shots. I mean, Id rather my DH not be able to get a handful of my icky new belly fat, but I would love it if he mixed them all and just handed me the shot.  I guess its my own fault for saying something like 'GO AWAY.. I can do this myself!"  :)  What are you in your cycle?
I had my BW done again yesterday and I go in for US in morning.. super excited!

Magda.. what part of the 2ww is it for you?  

I heard from fyrefly, and she had her transfer yesterday.. sounds like it was pretty painful (she mentioned very enlarged ovaries and having them pushed out of the way)

Good luck to all you ladies!  Im going to take my swollen, bloated  ovaries and belly to the couch to watch Juno  (I told DH he couldnt watch it with me because Ill probably cry through the whole thing).  

Sally

[magda_s]

Hi Sally... good to have a name!
I'm the total opposite to you with the shots.  I won't let Dh mix them because I like doing that bit.  But I'm not about to stick it in myself so it gets handed over once I finish playing at mixing.
I do my beta on the 23rd and if you've had a look at this thread at all, you'll see that I am totally losing the plot!  Not unusual for me really but each time it feels like I've never lost it so badly and yet, Dh will vouch for the fact that I have!!
Good luck for your u/s tomorrow.
Enjoy Juno... I loved it.  Thought the dialogue was excellent.

[babyalive]

Hi Sally,

Good luck with your u/s tomorrow.  I hope it shows loads and loads of follies!

Firefly,

Sprinkle, sprinkle baby dust!  Rest and nest and let the work begin...

Magda,

When is your beta?

Heather,

Your right, it's in sharing those details of our lives that are uncomfortable, yet important that help us grow and learn about eachother and ourselves.

Helen,

I would fly to TX tonight and give you your shots if I could!  I did them myself the same way you and dh do them.  I gather a lovely pinch full of my ample belly fat...ready...aim....close my eyes....take a deep breath in...AND....letting the deep breath out....I...POKE..quickly.  I then open my eyes and go, oh brother Lisa that was nothing, didn't feel a thing. I think it'll be the same for you.  Anticipating doing the shot is MUCH worse than actually doing it.

Dee,

I'm sure you've spent the weekend being a domestic goddess and getting your home ready for guests.  Hope everyone has a lovely time!


For me the weather has been crazy.  We had snow yesterday and last night.  They're predicting more this afternoon.  A week ago it was nearly 80 degrees and now we have snow.  Bizarre.  I'm on cd 30 today and no signs of AF yet.  I'm getting a bit anxious to start this next cycle and perhaps have my last go at ttc.  Not sure what I'll do but I must decide soon because once AF starts I'll need to act quickly.

[Helen72]

Ha-ha, I am just like you!  I love mixing the meds.  Once I figured out all of the mixing, q-caps and syringes these days I can do it with my eyes closed.  Can't deliberately inject the needle though although dh already left for DC so I will have to do that tonight by myself somehow.  

When did you start feeling your ovaries??  After 3 days of stims (tonight will be day 4) I feel absolutely nothing.  Should I worry??

Sally,
good luck with your u/s tomorrow.  I hope your ovaries are not overstimulated and you can proceed with the IUI.

[Helen72]

Update:
Miky72 -  b/c. IVF for May.
Magda_s -  2ww with 3 super embryos wanting to implant.  Blood test: 04/23 (Wednesday)
Mary (ms320) - waiting for a conference call with RE.    
fifi - RE appt 22nd April.
fyrefly: 2WW, resting after transfer.  
Heather - 13 weeks!!!  Perinatologist appt April 30th
Dee - going au naturelle while hosting in-laws.
Lisa - cd30, waiting for AF and to start the ttc game.
sasparilla: u/s Monday, IUI in a few days.
Helen: FSH injections, first bloods & u/s 4/21.

[sasparilla]

Just thought I would mention this item I saw in the news:

Woman had 2 embryos implanted during IVF.  One emb. split 3 times, she had 3 identical twin boys and one fraternal twin.. 4 baby boys.



Helen, I had some weird twinge pains on the first day I injected and then nothing until day 9 of injections.  Day 8 is when I stared doubling up.  Today is 11 and Im really feeling it.  BUT I have seriously bad ovulation pain on the day of O, so I know I still have a couple of days before I release anything.. my pains are usually "crawl into bed with a heating pad on back and feel like Im releasing an ostrich egg" kinda pain.  Oh.. the joys of tring to make babies!

Only weird thing that has me a tad concerned is my fertility monitor shows me at peak today.. i wonder if its from all the extra estrogen?  Worried about BD tonight and then asking DH to whip me up some baby makers tomorrow??? Im not supposed to O until Wed. but hopefully it will hold off until at least Tues. because I havent had my trigger yet and Im thinking now that I will have it tomorrow and I will have IUI on Tues.  I usually have 2 peak days on my monitor anyway.

Im freaking myself out..  should just trust that I know my body and that since I havent started having the bad pains yet, I still have 2 days to go.  Anyway, Tues. would be much better because,   Did I mention that DH also had a funeral to go to on Wed?  Hows that for some sperm stimulation?  "Uh honey.. I know youre going to a funeral for your friend, but can you think some sexy thoughts first?" Argghh.. nothing is ever easy for me it seems.


Sorry for my rant.. I really just want this month to work out.. y'all understand how it is.

Tonight:  Margaritas!


Sally

[magda_s]

Helen, do you feel like you're playing grown up when you're preparing the shot??  That's me... playing doctor!!!
Thanks for the latest update.
Re feeling ovaries, no, I don't think you should worry at all.  I didn't feel anything this time with 14 follies.  Only the first two times with the 30+ and really, when you think about it, nearer the end, those things are each at least 1.5 - 2cm in diameter so to have 15 of them stuffed into each ovary is NOT pleasant.  
But I really felt next to nothing this last time.  
ooooh... just realised what the date is... yo uhave your u/s tomorrow!  GOOD LUCK.  Can't wait to hear what they tell you.

Fiona, if you're checking in, good luck with your appointment too

So today I have no more AF symptoms but do I feel better?  No.  Because for a while there I started thinking OMG OMG... it wasn't AF... this is it... this time has worked... everyone's going to get to stick their tongues out at me and go na... na... na na... na...
And on the heels of that heady thought was the thought of how frigging hard I will fall if I have no more AF symptoms because she's essentially here and when I wake up tomorrow she'll be coming in and making herself at home.
He-e-e-e-eh... Only 3 more days... In fact tomorrow, I get to say "after tomorrow"!

[magda_s]

Sally, how do I get ME one of them 3-way splitting embryos???  Uh... actually 2-way would be plenty.  I wonder how many cranks have got in touch with her an doffered her money to 'donate' her eggs to them!

don't worry about ranting... rant all you like... and enjoy the margaritas.  I've got all the ingredients lined up for a pina colada in case I get bad news on the 23rd.  If it's good news then I'll just hold the rum!!!

[Helen72]

Sally,
does your fertility monitor take into account your injections?  Those can affect your O time and shift it a few days forward.

Magda,
I am glad AF symptoms are gone.  I know the next few days will be hell for you.  We are all here rooting for your BFP!!!

Lisa,
thanks for your advice.  We'll see how things work out tonight.  Perhaps AF is trying to behave and wait till the end of your semester?  What do you think?

Tomorrow is a loooong day for me.  Blood test before 7 am, then work then u/s at 4 pm.  Ugghh...

[magda_s]

Helen, that means I won't know about your u/s till the next day as 4pm your time is about midnight here.  I'll be thinking of you tomorrow night though.

Lisa, what do you mean about not being sure what you'll do??

Right, I'm off to pamper DH as he's been really patient with me the last few days and so very sweet.  Last night I broke down and told him that each time we get a BFN, I feel like my body's failed us and therefore I've failed.  He gave me a big hug and told me my body hadn't failed anyone and that he feels he's the one who's failed us because he's the one putting me through all this because of the vasectomy he had all those years ago.
I told him that I don't for a second think of it that way.  But I don't want him to feel guilty and I want him to believe that I'm not blaming him.

[ms320]

Helen:  Good luck with the b/w and u/s tomorrow.  As for giving yourself the shots.  Don't be surprised if after you do them, you are reluctant to give the job up to dh again.  I actually liked doing them myself.  It is quite a feeling of control.

Magda:  I am hoping that vanishing AF symptoms are a positive sign.  I know the waiting is difficult, but we are all here for you.  Whenever you are feeling alittle down, close your eyes and try to picture me cheering you on by shaking my pom poms. ( I have always been more the jock, and very much the anti-cheerleader.  However, I will gladly assume the role under the tutorage of Lisa.

Fiona:  Good luck with your appointment this week.  

Dee:  Hope you are surviving the onslaught of visitors.  You are a strong woman to welcome 8 people int your home.  Rock on sister

[HeathJo]

Thanks to everyone for your support. It's nice knowing you guys are behind me and will kick anyone's a s s who isn't.

Helen--Good luck tomorrow, friend. I'll be thinking about you :-) I hope the injections go OK tonight. I always did my own and preferred it that way, so maybe you will find it easier also. If not, when is dh coming home?

Magda--Hang in there honey. Maybe all the moodiness is a good sign. I know it was for me before the BFP. And of course a BFN doesn't mean you are a failure, it's just that unfortunately these things take longer than we wish they would. I personally have no patience whatsoever and do not take kindly to the waiting game either. Thus, I am not the best person to offer comfort, but I can offer understanding :-D

Lisa--Crazy weather can make one sicker, so I hope your infections are under control. In Texas we have wild weather swings sometimes as well, and it can be hard on the bod. I hope you are feeling better and continue to do so. Luv Ya!!!

Sally--Hi there! I haven't been very friendly thus far due to much puking, but wihing you all the very best :-)

About the IVF lady who ended up doubling her embros: Remember my perinatologist told me that they have seen a HUGE increase in identical twins resulting from IVF due to the transfers taking place 5 days after being fertilized instead of 3. He said they don't know exactly why, but for some reason after they increased the time period they saw the increase in identical twins. Very interesting, and good news I would think for most people undergoing IVF.

Anyway, I slept most of the day and have had moderate nausea, but no puking yet today. Oh, celebration! I have a TON of new zits though, which is fine if I stay un-nauseated. I'd rather look bad than feel bad!!!

[babyalive]

Oh Heather! Joy!  Joy!  Joy!  No puking.  I am dancing and twirling madly for you....oops, don't get dizzy thinking about my twirling and puke.  

Mary, happy to have you under tutorage!  You will be a most excellent student I'm sure.

Helen,  well it would be about time AF does something in my favor.  I do feel a little rumblings this evening that maybe she's on her way. But, this is a strange cycle for me so not sure how to read my body at the  moment.  Good luck with u/s and b/w tomorrow. You know I am dying to know the results.

Magda,  What I meant by being unsure what I'll do is that I have actually come to the end of the line for what I can finance on my own.  I've used up all my savings and maxed out my credit card thus far.  So, this last cycle was to be my last attempt.  BUT, I have some guardian angels on my side that have stepped up and offered to assist me in the financing one more cycle. However, it's difficult to accept such a generous offer because the chances of it working out are not great to say the least.  Also, there's the issue of what do I do, if I do go forward Clomid, or injectables?  I have DOR which indicates I'll need injectables.  BUT, my body responded better with Clomid.  So, the question is did I respond poorly this last cycle due to the nature of  DOR, or is Clomid truly better for me than injectables? Or should I do both together?  Also, my RE mentioned that some women respond better with higher doses, some with lower doses. You won't know until you actually go through cycles and try each how your body will respond.  I was on the medium dose this last cycle.  So, If I do go ahead with injectables I have to decide to either go higher or lower.  There a lots of unanswered questions that need to be answered once AF arrives.  So, that's what I meant but being unsure what I'll do.

[magda_s]

Heather, So glad you're feeling a bit better... at least for now!  Fingers crossed that it will stay that way!!! And thank you for understanding.

Helen, how did it go with doing your shot last night?  I believe Mary... it must make you feel so much in control and I actually imagine that if I cold ever make myself do one, I'd probably be good with it.  It's just doing that first one!!  It's not even as if I'm afraid of pain.  I mean, the needle going in barely hurts for a second!
Ah well.

Lisa,  ooof... that really is a touch one.  I forget where you are in terms of clinics and REs but would I be right in assuming that wherever you would be going is a relatively new place that hasn't gotten to know how you respond well enough to be able to advise you?  Is there no RE you can sit with and discuss in detail what you've done so that they can give you an educated guess as to which way you should go.  
That's fantastic that you have "guardian angels" willing to help you.  I know it must be touch to accept but much as it's not a sure thing, there's certainly no doubt that it's a worthwhile cause.  This might sound very silly Lisa but don't refuse on principle and then regret it one day.  I know this is very easy to say but regardless of how much or how little one has of it, in the end it really is only money.  

Mary, when do you get to do your conference call?

Lisa, Mary... sorry but it looks like your pom poms are going to sit and collect dust.  See, today looks like it's going to be a rough one as I'm pretty sure it's over.  Oof... it's hard to even say that.  I almost want to say, "well... I'm not really sure..." but I think that's just denial.  This morning I woke up terribly hot and sweaty (another sign of AF) and the mild cramping is back and I noticed some cm which is a pretty good sign of AF and to the best of my knowledge is only that and not also a sign of pregnancy.  I'm so upset but at the same time I feel totally disoriented; it's as if I know something's terribly wrong but I don't know what. I feel like there are no more straws to grasp.  
Okay maybe one... This might sound like a stupid question but I really don't know...  Both of my previous tries, I had some spotting in the first few days after the transfer and both times it didn't work out.  Is the spotting a necessary symptom of a failed cycle?  I'm guessing not but at the same time, I'm not sure... is it a matter of, if there's no spotting then they must still be in there, hence it probably IS working???
Okay, I know I'm grasping at straws with this one so it's okay to be brutaly honest... like I said, I'm guessing that no spotting doesn't mean a thing but I just thought I'd ask.

k... going to go and try to distract myself.

[magda_s]

oops... Dee... meant to say that I hope all's going well and that yoiu're not drowning in in-laws!

[timeisticking]

Okay ladies I know I dont post alot, still new to this whole TTC thing. But I thought this was a nice thread for me to post.

Well had my last surgery on Friday (d&C) to remove pylops, and today I will be going for me baseline ultrasound . After being on BCP for eight weeks my Af showed up Saturday so today makes cycle day three for me, so hopefully i can start my meds tonight.

Good luck and lots and lots of baby dust to all you ladies.

I will keep you all posted after my baseline ultrasound!!!!

[ms320]

Lisa:  Thank you for your confidence in my cheerleading ability.  You be careful with all that twirling right now.  You are still getting over your infections and your leg isn't completely healed yet.  

Magda:  Don't give up yet.  Are you taking any type of pregesterone supplement?  I found the side effects of progesterone to be a big old mixed bag.  Some made me feel like AF was coming and some made me feel that maybe I was pregnant.  I am hoping that progesterone, or some other medication you are/were on, may be playing tricks on your body.

Helen:  Hope the solo shots went well last night.  I will be sending all my positive thoughts your way for you b/w and u/s.  Grow follies grow.

Dee:  Hope you are holding up well.

Fiona:  My thoughts are with you for tomorrow.

fyrefly:  Hope you are handling the tww without too much stress.  

I will know later today when I can conference with my RE.  Hopefully, it will be this week.  I am also looking into a few other places where I can go with for a second opinion.  It is just very difficult to think about all of this right now as I am really feeling mentally exhausted by the whole thing.  I have one question for my most learned cyber sisters.   Does anyone have any info of DHEA. I have been reading a little about it and the possible benefits for women with "older ovaries."

[magda_s]

Mary, glad to hear the conference call will happen soon.  I feel for you though with having to look into other places for second opinions and that.  That can be tough when one is in the best frame of minds but it must feel like the last thing you want to have to do right now.  Is there any way you can take some time out for yourself?  even in little ways?  I know it sounds silly because it's not like you're dealing with a mild bout of work burnout or anything like that but maybe if you give yourself rewards every few days or once a week, it might give your brain a chance to relax.  It could be anything from a massage at a nice spa to even seeing a therapist.  I'm not suggesting you need help (in that sense) at all but as you've said, you have some pretty serious feelings bottled up and regardless of how much you've earned the right to feel them, it doesn't change the fact that they can drag you down terribly.  
My sister who so not into therapy or anything like that saw someone a handful of times when she was going through a really bad patch in her marriage and she admitted that it didn't fix her marriage but it made her feel amazing to be able to go to someone who was, in effect, paid to listen to her rant.  She also admitted that the therapist said a few things and taught her a couple of ways of dealing with stuff that were valuable to her.
I'm sorry... I know nothing about DHEA.

As for me, I have been on progesterone pessaries (400mg twice daily) and I could accept that they mnight contribute to feelings of AF or that those feelings might actually be a good sign.  I could even accept that the back pain and the night sweats might be lumped in with the cramping as being either a result of the progesterone or a good sign.  But I'm having difficulty with the cm I noticed today.  I haven't read anywhere that that's a good sign.  However, I have spent the entire day telling myself that if this doesn't work, it means I'll have a chance to try to lose some of this extra weight I've started carrying around and it means that when we go away (summer vacation in Italy) I'll be able to drink all the Italian wine I like and stuff like that.  I don't know if it's working or if I've just exhausted myself emotionally.

I'm thinking I may go test tomorrow morning.  Does anyone know if one day can possibly make a significant difference when it comes to a Beta?? I mean, 13 days or 14... does it REALLY matter?  

[Helen72]

Magda and Mary,
my shots went OK last night and this morning.  In fact just as Mary predicted I think it's easier to do it yourself.  I believe that these injections are less painful when I am doing them standing up.  Manopur (the painful shot) was the only one that caused some problems since it was difficult to self-administer a shot that I know is painful.  I actually poked myself twice  :(  Otherwise it was really easy and I may continue doing Lupron and Gonal-F shots myself.  I actually got a call from injections police & our head cheerleader (i.e. Lisa) to make sure I was doing OK.  Thank you Lisa!

Magda,
OMG, I hope it's not AF.  Aren't you taking some progesterone that keeps AF away?  Your beta is almost here so hang in there.  

Dee,
I hope you are surviving the invasion.

timeisticking,
good luck with your u/s.  I hope you can start your meds tonight.  Above on this thread some ladies posted very helpful information on mixing meds and injections that was very helpful to me.  Youtube videos were the best guide.    Feel free to post any questions since there are quite a few experts here.  

My u/s is tonigt and I will post as soon as I get back.

[ms320]

Just wanted to give you all a quick update.  Spoke with my REs office, and I will be conferencing with her on Thursday morning.  I will give you the details as soon as I finish up with her.  Thanks again for all of the support.

Mary

[magda_s]

Mary, that's great.  You have a firm date set for the call.  At least that's something.

Helen, good to hear you were okay with the shots.  
Yes, I'm on progesterone but does that mean that there's no way these symptoms could be AF??  I don't think so.  I think progesterone is only so effective.  
Ah well, we'll find out once and for all in a couple of days.  or tomorrow.
Best of luck tonight with the u/s  
Helen, don't know if you saw the question above... re doing the beta a day early.  You've read so much... do you have any idea how accurate it would be?  Or if I'd be stupid to not hold out the one extra day?

[brittanyc]

Hi gals:
I am new, but after I read the posts from you guys, I think I am in the right place since you guys are so resourceful.
I am planning on doing IVF next month, and currently I am on BCP. But I missed 3 pills 3 weeks ago and started spotting right away. since that day i have been taking it on time never missed. But I noticed that the spotting is getting more and the color is getting a bit brighter, is it possible my period instead of spotting.
I really need to know because i haven't started my med yet. How can i tell the difference? and what is the impact on my IVF plan, shall I cancel it? thanks!!!!!!!1
B

[sasparilla]

Hi ladies,
Had my U/S today.  Very upset.  Only 2 follicles.. 13 & 17.  I produce that much on my own.. without all these stupid injections.  Was my Menopur fake?  Am I just a loser?  Argghh.. Im pretty depressed.. all those shots for nothing.  Still doing the IUI, but w/o all the extra follicles I was hoping for.  
Im going back to bed.
Sally

[magda_s]

Oh Sally... I'm so sorry you feel this way.  But for an IUI isn't 2 pretty good??  Sorry, I've never done an IUI and perhaps I understood incorrectly but I thought that if it was 3 or more follicles then the clinic would cancel the IUI and turn it into an IVF cycle.  Have I got that wrong?
God knows I'm well aware of how depressed one can get when there isn't necessarily a reason to be... and by that I don't for a second mean to belittle how you feel... look at me, I'm a disaster and it's all I can do to stop myself from falling apart completely and yet I don't have a single shred of proof that this cycle hasn't worked.  All I'm trying to say is don't be too hard on yourself... 2 could well be enough.

[ms320]

Sally,

I certainly feel your pain as my IVF cycle was just canceled because I produced only 2 follices less than 10 each.  There have been quite a few success stories with 2 follies and IUI -- I hope to add your name to the list.  As for the Menopur, I really don't think it was fake.  Everybody, and every body responds differently to meds.  
I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Mary

[Helen72]

Magda,
since you had a pregnyl shot I believe fairly recently I am afraid that an early beta can give you a false positive.  I know that 24 hours seems like an eternity right now but an accurate result will be better than a false positive.  When I got the false positive it was much worth for my mental state than all of the BFNs I had.  So, I think you should wait or ask your doc to consider the HCG shot when interpreting your early beta results.  

Sally,
sorry about poor follie production.  But like Mary said, perhaps you will produce more follies with a different drug.  Also, two follies isn't a bad # since many REs cancel IUI if you have more than 3.  

Lisa,
is AF finally visiting you?  

Brittanyc,
I had a lot of spotting while on b/c and my doc said that it was OK.  I started my ivf meds on time.  Don't forget to tell your doc about the spotting so that he is aware.  

[fifi blue]

Hi ladies, sorry I've been busy the last few days and haven't had a chance to read the posts.  

Mary, good luck on Thursday.  I hope RE has some positive news for you.
Madga, hang in there.  Only a couple more days, feeling good about you.  Can't wait to stick out my tongue and go nah, nah, nah.

Helen, good luck with you u/s this afternoon.  I hope you have lots and lots of follies.  Congrats on the shots.  I think it's easier to do it yourself too.  My dh gave it the progestrone shots and I couldn't stand the anticipation.  I love Isabel Allende too, reading her makes me want to visit South America so badly.

Lisa, hope you're feeling better.  I'm so glad to hear your going to try again.  You're going to be an amazing Mother.  For your b'day calendar, I'm going to be gulp 40 on June 29.  I plan on staying in bed and crying all day.  How in the name of God did this happen, I can't be 40.

Dee, hope you're coping with the outlaws.  Do you know what the next step is?

Heather, so happy to hear you're feeling a bit better.  I guess like you said we always hear the happy stories of pregnancy and maybe that's all we want to hear but I'd rather hear the reality myself.  We've got your back 100 %.

Sally, all you need in one.  Two is good for IUI.  Best of luck to you.
Landdwantababy, Brittanyc, welcome.

Fiona

[sasparilla]

Hi again ladies,
Thanks for all your kind words.  I guess Im disappointed becuase I ovulate regularly by myself and based on U/S,  I ovulate with 2 eggs.  SO I feel as if the injectibles didn't do anything for me.  Even my Dr. said she thought I would have more follicles, and next time she was going to increase my dosage to 4 amp, 2x a day!  OK, thats about $500 a day worth of injectibales.So, if it doesnt work this round, Im off to IVF.  I have an appt. in mid May to talk to a new clinic.  Tired of pussyfooting around, Im bringing out the big guns.
(Stupid $3000 worth of injections for nothing... grumble grumble)


:)
Sally

[Helen72]

Only bad news on my side.  I have only 8 follicles (4 on each side) and they are all of different size, anywhere between 6 and 11.  My estradiol was high so he cut my Gonal-F.  My next u/s is on Wednesday.  I feel sooo depressed.  I could barely walk home w/o crying.  Obviously, we'll have nothing to freeze and we'll be lucky if we have anything to transfer.  I can already see a 3-day transfer (if any) because on day 5 we may have nothing.  I am just glad dh is out of town so that I can cry w/o his "helpful" advice.

[sasparilla]

Helen,
Im so sorry.. you can come over to my house and join my crying party.   I started my big ugly cry at the receptionist desk. Thank god my DH was at work today, i totally understand the "helpful advise" comment.  I called him and he stared to give me his 2cents and ya know.. I was pretty much like "oh, just shut up".. One again Im sorry..  

[HeathJo]

Helen--I'm so sorry, I don't even know what to say. I really don't know much about the meds you have been taking or understand IVF protocol, but I know if you are upset you have reason to be. I do know that the follies can grow anywhere from 2-3 mm a day, so perhaps you will still end up with a few. I'm just sorry for you hon :-(

[fifi blue]

Helen, 8 isn't so bad.  I went forward with only 2 and 1 made it to transfer.  You can still do this.  The size difference isn't extreme either.  Heather is right they grow 2-3 mm a day.  So, the smaller ones might grow 3mm per day and the larger grow 2mm per day.  They'll practically be the same size by Wednesday.  The biggest is only 11 so you've got plenty of time for the others to catch up.  Try not to worry although I know that's impossible.  You'll know a lot more by Wednesday and I bet you'll have a great surprise.

Thinking of you and praying hard.
Fiona

[fyrefly]

Helen, I am sorry to hear your upset about your follicles a lot can change between now and Wed. Please let me know how it goes.

SALLY!!!!!!!  I am so happy that you made that appointment! I really am :) you are the bomb!

ms320: a second opinion I can help you with a little... if none of you know about this web site check out www.****.org at this site you will find the sucess rates for the IVF clinics around you. The numbers and % that matter most are the cycles resulting in live births.  

Hugs to all!

[Jen7900]

ALOHA...from the beautiful island of Maui!!! I've been gone not even a week yet and there is so much to catch up on! If it's not too late, can i join the group (again??)?!?! I promise not to abandon you all for this long again! As for me, I started the Lupron injections last nite and will end b/c on Wed. I have an appt with the RE on Friday to figure out the rest of the schedule and for a u/s. In the meantime, daily pina coladas and lots of sun have been helping pass the time for this cycle. I highly recommend this sort of vacation to increase coping mechanisms and decrease stress (sorry - that is the psychologist in me)! Going home tomorrow nite, so I will be back to reality on Wed and ready to man up for the next weeks.

Heather - THANK GOODNESS you are back and feeling better!! I've missed you and your amazing energy!

Lisa - thank you for letting me know about the post. I LOVE the inner cheerleader in you! I'm hoping that you get better asap!

Magda - still have my fingers crossed girlfriend. It aint over til its over.

Helen - Oh, girlfriend. I'm so sorry for your news. Instead of focusing on how many you may/may not be able to freeze, lets just focus on having a couple for THIS cycle. Although 8 is not necessarily a high number of follies, if they are mature and gorgeous enough (duh - look at their mom!), they will still do the job. They've got a little more time to grow, and who knows...maybe a couple more will even pop up! I had a friend who did IVF with 8 follies, they implanted 5 of them and she had a daughter 10 months later! Hang in there friend.

IandD - I hope your still checking the thread! Glad you found the group. From our own exchanges, i think you will fit in perfectly with the group and get lots of support...and of course, you always have me as a friend!

Sally - yes, 2 follies makes you a total loser...KIDDING!! Oh, don't cry sister...you only need ONE good one for a successful IUI! I think it was Kindergal who posted that she got prego with only 1 follie at IUI (even tho she's prego with twins now - guess another follie popped up at the last minute). It's important to stay hopeful...for you, DH and the follies. Go watch Juno (great movie by the way) - it will warm your heart and hopefully make you smile - the writing was excellent - even DH liked it!

BTW - Kite Runner is my fave book in the entire world!! Eat, Pray, Love is next in my queue, but first i gotta study study study for my last Board exam on May 2nd (probably something i should be doing right now!).

Something funny happened last week. For the past 6 months I've have been waiting for jobs to open up in geriatric psychology (a very specific area of practice) in the LA area. And, of course with this horrible economy, none have come up. Then, I sign the paperwork and put the down payment on the IVF project and the next day, 3 job postings come out in my area of practice and i have 2 scheduled interviews now! Timing, sometimes it's such a B*I*T*C*H, huh? I just think it's funny how G-D works in mysterious ways sometimes.

I know i've missed some of you ~ and if we haven't met yet, welcome to the group! Will check in later, but in the meantime, ALOHA!!

Jen

[ms320]

Helen:  I am sorry that you are disappointed with your u/s results.  To echo what Fiona said, 8 isn't a bad number and the size differential isn't dramatic.  You could end up with a nice bunch.  A friend of mine had a similar reading during her first post-stimming u/s.  They saw 3 on one side and 4 on the other.  One follice was either 11 or 12, and the others were all less than 10 (her clinic didn't actually measure if they are less than 10)
Come ER day, they found two other follicles hiding directly behind others.  They retrieved 9, 4 fertilized, and her son is due at the end of next week.
I pray that the end result is the same for you as nobody deserves to be a mom more than you do.

Fyrefly:  Thanks for the information - although the web address didn't post, I have looked at the site before.  My problem lies in the fact that I am over 40 and have elevated FSH.  As such, many clinics will deny me outright.  I'm hoping to havae more information after speaking with my RE on Thursday.

[fyrefly]

The website wouldn't come up? I am sorry. I wonder if I posted it incorrectly. I am sorry.
What can be done to lower FSH? I have no idea what that is about. Please inform me.

[Helen72]

Thank you guys so much for your support.  I just talked to dh and he actually made me feel better.  I did the math based on what Heather and Fiona posted and I guess my follies are not that far apart in size.  That made me feel better so thanks a lot!  Also if my math is correct it looks like my retrieval may be sooner than 30th.  

I know that I should feel grateful for 8 follies and hope that they are all plump and mature by the time of the retrieval.  I also know that fewer is better in terms of quality.  However, we are paying out of pocket for everything.  To afford this cycle I already took an extra job and a summer semester to teach.  I was really hoping that we'll have something to freeze.  On average people achieve a BFP in 3 ivf cycles so having FET would have really helped us to finance our ttc journey.  

Mary,
thanks so much for the encouraging story.  I'll try to keep everything in perspective.

Fiona,
best of luck tomorrow.  We are all rooting for you.  I hope your new RE gives you hope.

Update:
Miky72 -  b/c. IVF for May.
Magda_s -  2ww with 3 super embryos wanting to implant.  Blood test: 04/23 (Wednesday)
Mary (ms320) - waiting for a conference call with RE on Thursday.    
fifi - RE appt 22nd April.
fyrefly: 2WW, resting after transfer.  
Heather - 13 weeks!!!  Perinatologist appt April 30th
Dee - going au naturelle while hosting in-laws.
Lisa - cd30+, waiting for AF and to start the ttc game.
sasparilla: IUI in a few days w/ 2 follies; appt at new clinic in mid-May.
Helen: FSH injections, 2nd bloods & u/s 4/23.
Jen: Lupron injections+b/c, RE appt Friday
timeisticking: FSH injections

[HeathJo]

Jen--I am glad you are enjoying your much-deserved vacation. Sounds like you will need it after all the job interviews coming up. Good luck with juggling everything--I know you can do it.

Helen--I really do hope you are feeling a bit more hopeful, although no one here blames you for wanting more. We all want the maximum potential for having babies, and after fighting so hard it can be disappointing to not get the optimal result. Usually,hard work equals the best results, but in TTC effort doesn't always equal results. For us goal-oriented personalities, that can be frustrating and cause you to feel even more helpless. Keep acknowledging those feelings while balancing them with the obvious positives: you did produce several follicles, and they are still growing. Until the next step that is a good place to be :-)

Remember, my dh missed the cup and we only had 1 million sperm to work with and look at me now!!!!!!

[babyalive]

Magda,  I've sent my strongest forces to guard your fortress from AF.  They'll hold her off as long as they can. 9 months if necessary.  I'm hoping to have her reverted to my unit. Regarding the beta, I would say go ahead at 13 dys.  I agree with Helen that you'll get a better result at 14 dys, but if you get a light bfp on 13 days, then retest at 14.  If it's even darker then, you'll know for sure it's hcg growing, not fading.  

Fiona,  It's so good to hear from you. Thank you for the nice compliment!  I'm thinking of you and hope this new RE has very good things waiting for you.

Mary,  You are doing such a fine job as a cheerleader!  I hope all good things are waitiing for you when you have your conference call this Thurs.

Sasparilla,  I'm sorry about how you're feeling with the 2 follies.  But remember most people walking on this planet got here from just one follie.  There is still a very real possability it could happen for you.  

Helen,  Well, it's all been said so I won't repeat everything.  But, 8 follies is very doable!  It can and WILL be done.  I command it, so it must be so.   Regarding the Gonal F reduction.  This may be a good thingl.  It could give the littler guys a chance to catch up with the bigger one(s).  Making all follies equal.  I'm sorry you had reason to cry, but happy you were free of dh so you could release uninterrupted.  

Jen,  Lupron Pina Coloda cocktail.  Sounds yummy.  Enjoy your time in Maui!

Heather, whenever I see you post I start doing cartwheels, squeeling and jumping for joy.  I am just happy and think it means you've had a day, or a period of time without vomiting.  So, I'll be back in a minute. I've got a few cartwheels to do.....................
.......................................................................................................................
......................................................................................................................

Whew.  That felt great!

Firefly,  FSH is your follicle stimulating hormone.  The higher the level the more difficult it is to become and sustain pregnancy. Anything over 10 makes it more difficult.  Basically, the higher the level is the harder your body is working to produce follicles.  It's sort of like a barometer for how many follies you have left and the quality of those follicles.  

My dr. phoned me at work today. At first my heart jumped and I thought, Oh, they've discovered I'm pregnant after all.  They did urine and b/w on Thursday and I thought they must of gotten results back and are calling to congratulate me.  Well, of course that wasn't the case. It seems they got some more lab results regarding my UTI and found a larger variety of bacteria than they originally thought were there and now want me to take yet another antioboitic.  Fun, fun.  3 antiobiotics in one week.  No doubt I'll get another yeast infection to cap it all off.  Well, here's to my good ole buddy, ole pal AF.  She's long overdo and just can't wait for her arrival.  

[Jen7900]

OMG Lisa, I'm so sorry girlfriend. Take care of yourself...you'll need a "friendly" and welcoming environment for Special Agent BFP when it is time!! In the meantime, I love the cheerleading. I swear I would not be able to get through this without you. Honestly, you win the cheerleader of the year award, with all those cartwheels and flips...it's in the bag for you!

[magda_s]

Helen, it has indeed all been said but I just wanted to agree with everyone... ;-)  It really, really isn't so bad.  Re some being smaller than others, that was very much my case for my first u/s of my first 2 IVFs and I was very surprised at how they seem to catch up to each other.  Now mine apparently don't fertilise so well for whatever reason... lab problem or whatever but LvnEmbryo said at some point that a normal fertilisation rate is 70 - 80 % which means you could even end up with something to freeze.  Okay, maybe that's a stretch but the posibility is there.  
I do understand the concern about having some to freeze. I was quite surprised and not just a little bit disappointed that I had nothing to freeze with this cycle.

Lisa, you poor thing!!  Is the conjunctivitis gone at least??  Your post cracke dme up by the way... didn't think anything could today.  I'm sitting here lookingover at an hpt that's sitting on the table still wrapped up in its wrapper and it feels like we're trying to outstare each other and see who wins..  I've almost gotten up 3 times to put it away but haven't quite made it out of my seat yet!

Don't mean to ignore anyone but keeping this short... I hope everyone's doing okay.

[Helen72]

Magda,

it's early morning here in TX but I had to check on you the first thing in the morning!  I guess you decided to wait with your beta which is probably the right thing to do.  You have one day left to wait and you must be going out of your mind.  I wish I could suggest something to take your mind off of things but nothing comes to mind besides reading Lisa's posts.  Her last one really made me laugh  :)   Like you said, she is the best cheerleader.

Lisa,
I hope your new antibiotic will do the trick and you finally feel better.  That way you can concentrate on your new cycle without other distractions from your body.  I want to echo Magda's sentiment that when we all feel down your optimism and sense of humor always help to keep our balance.  I know it's been said already but I so appreciate your friendship and support!

On my side, I am feeling better today and looking forward to my Wednesday u/s.

[magda_s]

Thanks Helen.
As it is turns out, I didn't have it in me to wait that one last day and... well, the pom poms can be put away and no-one gets to stick their tongue out... at least, not for now and not at me.
Granted, I’ve known for a few days… but still, I couldn’t help hoping with all my heart that I was wrong.  I couldn’t help hoping I’d do the test and then I’d look back and think, “Well so much for MY intuition.”  I mean, isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?  When you least expect it and all that?  But it seems my intuition is apparently functioning just fine.
It’s funny though, this time.  I feel numb.  Miserable but numb nonetheless.  I haven’t cried.  In fact I went out and got a pedicure and then I went and got my hair done and then I did some groceries to cook us a decent meal tonight as I haven’t cooked in two weeks.  And I found a Sara Lee cheese cake!  I’ve never seen Sara Lee cheesecake in Syria but there it was so I grabbed one at US$12.  Shocking isn’t it?  
And I came home and had some lunch and here I am with this thought in the back of my mind.  It’s been there a few days already… along with all the others… the what if… what if… what if... what if it’s just not going to work for us?  I thought it was going to be so easy because the doctors said we had a 70 – 80% chance of success.  So now I’m thinking, what if there’s something else?  What if they’re wrong?  What if we don’t get to have a baby?  And I think that’s why I’m a bit numb… because if I wasn’t then I’d have to feel the full weight of that “what if” and I just don’t think I could carry it.
I feel it press down on me every now and then and for a second I can't catch my breath but then it's gone just as quickly and I'm left wondering if all I'm doing is a sign that I'm not letting this get me down and I'm moving on or if I'm dangerously in denial.
Do you know... I actually don't know if I'm making sense.  I'm not trying to be stupid here... it's just that I feel almost stoned!
Okay... I'd best stop prattling on.

[Helen72]

Did you do the blood test or just HPT?
OMG I am just crying for you.  I can't believe this can be happening to you again!  I wish I could give you a real hug  :(

[babyalive]

Oh Magda....I'm off to work so can't post much but wanted to say I've shelved my poms poms for the time being.  They're encased in glass with sort of a Magda shrine.  Just waiting for the next time when I can gather them in my palms and shake my booty with my tongue sticking out doing my na na na cheer.  Rest assured the day will come. Meantime, eat up buttercup. Nothing heals a broken heart like cheesecake.

[magda_s]

I did an hpt this morning and it couldn't be more negative so then I rang the clinic and explained and asked if I should bother with a beta.  They said yes so I asked if it was okay to do it today rather than tomorrow and they said it was fine as the last HCG was 10 days ago.  So did that and the nurse said she'd ring with the result at 3pm then she corrected herself and siad it might be 4 or 4:30pm.  She explained that if it was positive, they would have to do it a second time so it takes longer.  So I laughed and assured her it wouldn't be positive and she tried to say that one never knows but I insisted and then said I'd expect her call at 3pm.  
So, at 4:20pm when she still hadn't called I was beside myself thinking OMG what if I was wrong... what if HPTs can expire?  ... what if... what if... what if... what if she wrote my number down wrong???
So I rang her and she said it was less than 1.  She apologised for having forgotten to call.
For a second I thought I was actually too miserable to bother saying anything and I thought I would just let her get away with it but then I thought of the hour I'd spent thinking, hoping, praying that I was wrong and right this minute they're still doing the re-test and I let her have it.
Little comfort but there you have it.  I don't think anyone deserves to get away with being that inconsiderate.

[magda_s]

Lisa, thanks... I didn't see your post before I wrote mine.
My mum rang literally seconds after I spoke to the stupid cow at the lab and I caved.  Worst time to do it because my poor mum's already so lonely with both my sister and I gone and ever since DH and I have been ivf-ing she feels even worse because she's not here to help me and support me and all that.  That last thing she needed was me blubbering on the phone to her poor thing.
However, I think I managed to convince her that I really am okay and that it was just the stupid woman from the clinic who'd gotten to me.
Hopefully I'll be able to keep it together when DH gets home.
I wonder if this is it?  I wonder if I'm actually okay and there won't be any major breakdown.  I think I might be.  More than anything, I just want someone to tell me that 3 failed IVF attempts is not necessarily a big deal and that it means nothing worse than that it's taking us a few more tries than some. I think that's all I'm really worried about.  I think I really am okay that it didn't work.  I'm just really scared that 3 times means there must be something wrong somewhere.  I posted a message to LvnEmbryos and I'll be calling my doctor this evening (clinic's closed now) and either speaking to him on the phone or making an appointment.
But if anyone here has any ideas, I sure wouldn't mind hearing them.
I mean, does anyone know of what could possibly be wrong.
We were only doing this because of DH's vasectomy reversal not working.  Apparently his sperm is fine.  And to the best of my knwledge, I've never had anything wrong with me that might prevent me from conceiving... and at the very least, nothing's shown up in the many u/s I've done.  And, the embryos all three times were Grade A, 8-cell embryos.
Any thoughts??

[Helen72]

I just feel terrible.  I know that after 3 failed ivf attempts it's natural to wonder what went wrong.  however, the median number of failed attempts before the first BFP is 3.  So, it's not that uncommon.  It would not hurt to check yourself out before embarking on another cycle.  Shishka after 3 failed attempts had her uterus checked out and they found that she needed a laparotomy to correct for something.  Perhaps an u/s or x-ray of the uterus may rule out other explanations for bfn (I mean other than bad luck).  I am sure your RE will have some constructive suggestions.
Please let us know what your RE thinks.

[fifi blue]

Madga, I'm really so very sorry.  I was sure this was your time.  Can't believe that woman didn't call you back.  They really are oblivious to the pain and suffering we go through.   Sure seemed to me like you had perfect embryos so I don't know how this didn't work.  Hopefully LvnEmbryos can help you.  

Sending prayers and hugs.
Fiona

[magda_s]

You know what the hardest part is?  The hardest part is that at one point I really was being very positive and I really did think this time was working and I was lying on the couch one day thinking... OMG, we are creating another human being... it wasn't even that which got to me it was more this thought that something from my Dh was growing inside of me and that... that was really something.  In fact that was pretty wild.  And if However... thanks Helen for saying about the median number of failed attempts.  That helps.  I sure hope my doctor confirms that.  I will ask about getting myself checked out and see what he says.
Now just waiting for DH to come home so I can tell him how much I love him.
You know... I did get something out of all this.  I will admit that it's not the most admirable thing to say but when we first started ttc I honestly wondered if I really wanted a child.  I wasn't sure if I was doing it because I really wanted it or if I was led to believe, by my upbringing, that of course I wanted it.  Now I know.  And there will most definitely be a next try.

[magda_s]

Fiona, thank you so much.  sorry... again, I posted before seeing your post.
Thank you all for understanding and for your support.
I just spoke to my doctor who said he was actually really very nice... he said how sorry he was that it hadn't worked and he really sounded it!  He also said he was actually very surprised that this hadn't worked and said he doesn't think anything is wrong with me and that yes, sometimes it just does take more than 3 tries.  But he said he wants me to go see him in a couple of weeks and he'll check me out and at that point he'll see if there's any need for me to do any tests.

[Helen72]

Magda,
glad your RE is going to check you out.  Sometimes it can be as simple as fibroids in the uterus that can prevent implantation.  
I am so glad you are not giving up.  You are such an amazing person!

[magda_s]

Oops... clearly my doctor didn't say that he was actually really very nice.  He just *was* really very nice.  Sorry, not quite all there.
Helen, thank you.  Thank you all.
But you know... I'm confused... I don't understand why someone would need a laparotomy after 3 attempts at IVF nor how it can be something like fibroids in the uterus?  Wouldn't they have seen Shishka's problem or see something like fibroids in the umpteen u/s we do leading up to the transfer??

[Helen72]

When they did my HSG they also did X-rays of the uterus.  Apparently those x-rays (according to my doc) show that everything is OK down there.  That was after my initial u/s.  Actually, u/s does not show very much.  For example, both of my ovaries were covered with scar tissue but u/s did not show any problem.  I needed a surgery to diagnose scar tissue or endometriosis.  
Shishka had a strange problem, like a uterus that was too small for stuff to implant.  So, during laparotomy they put some sort of baloon down there to solve the problem.  This is my very vague recollection of what the problem was.  I do know that her very next FET was a success.  These problems are very rare and more likely than not you don't have anything to worry about.  But for your own piece of mind I think you should do some simple tests before moving forward.  
Let me know when you will be talking to your RE next.  For now, try to rest and recover from this last cycle.  

[magda_s]

Thank for the quick answer Helen... I will be seeing my doctor in 2 weeks so I'll talk to him then... for now, I'm just going to lick my wounds and be extra nice to myself.  I made a lovely pasta with smoked salmon for dinner and DH is making a salad with his special dressing and it's a beautiful night out so we've set up the table on the terrace with candles going and the WINE is already sitting on ice.

[ms320]

Magda:  What can I possibly say to make you feel better?  I was truly hoping that all of your intuitions were wrong.  This whole process is maddening.  I hope the your RE will have some ideas and be able to find some answers for you.  
You're internal dialogue of "what ifs" seems to be very common.  Take some time and draw on your strength.  I think you are an amazing person, and deserve so much more than all of this.

You'll remain in my thoughts

Mary

[magda_s]

Mary, thank you... you've all been so great... as I knew you would... but that doesn't make it any less appreciated.
I love you all for being so supportive and I am truly thankful that I found not only this particular website but this particular group of women.

[sasparilla]

Magda,
Im so sorry to read your post.  I really don't know what to say, except I feel for you.  I think all of us here really do understand  even a little.. which is more than most women.  You seem like such a strong, charismatic spirit.. please don't let think keep you down for long.
Interesting that you ladies are posting about surgeries:  I just signed up with a new RE and as I was speaking to the IVF nurse on the phone.. she mentioned the RE REQUIRES a surgery before an attempting an actual cycle.  If I am remembering correctly, she said an HSG was required as well as a Lap.  They also do a mock implantation.  The RE wants to make sure there is NOTHING in there that shouldnt be (scar tissue, fibroids, etc..) Guess it's to cover all the bases.  
BUT.. I had a HUGE fibroid that the HSG never picked up.. it was outside my uterus and about the size of a large grapefruit.. it was obvious to me and my DH, but since it didnt interfere with my fallopian tubes, my Dr. didnt pick up on it until it actually pushed my uterus over to my hip (let's talk pain, ladies!).  Needless to say, its now gone.. through a full c-section myomectomy and yes, I named it Phyllis my Fibroid and I even have a photo (I wanted to see what was growing in me, and it ain't pretty).


So.. my long winded post is really about that maybe a lap might be a good idea.. or a D&C.. I have had both  becuase of my scar tissue (from my dear Phyllis).  So maybe he might want to go in and have a little "look see"

Just a thought.
And I totally agree with Lisa.. everyone knows Im a porker for the cheesecake.. drown yourself in it, my dear.. oh.. and add some Grand Mariner  :)

Sally

[magda_s]

Thanks Sally, for the support and for all the info... OMG... I think I'll print the last few posts from here out and take them with me when I go see my doctor and say, "what about all THIS???"

For now... it's almost 11pm and I've had silly amounts of cheese cake and I've just finished my third glass of wine after not a drop in 3 weeks (decided to save the Pina Colada for tomorrow when I'm not so fuzzy in the head and can enjoy it properly) and am feeling rather light headed... so it's off to bed with me just now.

Thank you all... so much.  I could never be so open about needing support with anyone else.  I guess that's why it matters so much to us that everyone else here truly understands... makes you feel that it's okay to stick up your hand and say "help" and have everyone rally round.  Thank you.  I hope I have been even half as much support to you as you have been to me.

[Helen72]

Fiona,
I was just wondering how was your appointment with the new RE.  I hope you like the new clinic.

Lisa,
are you feeling better?  Is the new antibiotic working out for you?  

Sally,
when is your IUI?  I bet your two eggs are dying for some company  :)

HeathJo,
I hope you had a nausea-free day and feeling better.

[sasparilla]

Hi Ladies,
   My 2 little follies are getting bigger, as of my U/S today they are 17 and 19.  My DH has been trying extra hard to "knock me up" (his words) because he wants to save money..LOL.. Seems as if the expense of IVF has driven him into a sexual frenzy.. who knew, right?  So.. Ive been lucky enough to have his undivided attention every night for awhile now.. and then 2 days off till the IUI.
If not.. bring on the IVF!!!!!!! Im ready!

[HeathJo]

Magda--The disappointments you have faced with such grace and humanity. You are such a results-oriented person, and so smart. A meeting with the RE to go over all the issues, statistics, possible obstacles, and so forth makes absolute sense. As of now there is no known barrier to your becoming pregnant. As I said to Helen, it just takes it's own time, and the ratio of effort to results is not what it would be if we had control over this.I have seen you come full circle within the last 12-24 hours from problem to seeking resolution, and as long as you continue to do so, I don't see how you can lose. Plus, you learned how truly you feel about this. I believe if you want a child, you will be a parent. The hows and whys of it could change, but if you want to raise a child with your DH I know you can achieve that goal. Have faith, woman, you have faced harder obstacles than this.

Helen--I am glad you are eager for tomorrow's appointment. I'm sure you're also a bit anxious, but let's just see what happens and go from there. We will all be with you in spirit.

Lisa--Be careful taking so many antibiotics. I had both pneumonia and a sinus infection for 3 months once and had to take 3 rounds of 2 different antibiotics and ended up with a condition called C-DIF. IT basically is a condition whereby all of the good bacteria in your digestinal tract is killed, and you vomit and have the runs endlessly to a dangerous degree. I would pick up some Probiotics and yogurt with live active cultures, maybe even an Acidophilus supplement right now. OK, girl?

Sally--Those follies look GREAT!!! Keep BDing the day of the IUI, after they do the IUI. It was this that sealed the deal for us. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

Yes, another puke-free day, and my DH and I actually got to BD for like the first time in 2 months! He is so happy. Maybe later this week I can actually leave the house and get my hair highlighted and cut, and get a pedicure. It has been over 3 1/2 months since I have had either. Oh, and my eyebrows waxed--I look like a neanderthal. I haven't even shaved my legs in so long I look like a man. OK, a man with blonde peach fuzz on his legs, but still, hairier than I have ever been. I should just move back to Berkely!!!

[empty]

oh blood hell magda - i had all my fingers crossed for you. I was so so very sure this was your time. this sucks. I am so so very sorry hon. the docs tell you all these percentages and its so hard not to get your hope up. surely at some stage its own damn turn to be that percentage thats the success. UGH UGH UGH!!!

totally annoyed on your behalf as you can tell but remember it will be our turn soon ...its just god making it perfect in the meantime.

dee
1.25pm - Wed

[empty]

Helen -  i am so sorry that your follies are not coming to the party. i hope you are ok and your appt will go okay on Wed. i will have you in my prayers.

Lisa - you poor love. knowing you though youre probably so worried about work that youre overdoing it and not resting. i hope the meds arent knocking you around too much.

Heather - oh you must be better to BD. Did it feel like old times ( ok dont answer that question!)


Mary - good luck with the teleconference.

FiFi - you know Tyra loves you.

Nothing exciting on my end except for family, work and bloody AF is still around. very hormonal and skulling a 600ml bottle of Coke.

Dee
1.39pm Wed

[babyalive]

I've been working 13 hr days the last two days and I not only was at work for that long today, but brought work home.  So, I'm not going to make a long post.  But, I just wanted to share something with you that might give you a smile, or a laugh.  I know we ALL need that right now.  

When I was out sick last week my students made me get well cards.  I am sitting here reading them now and one just made me laugh and cry at the same time. Just so cute and sweet.  

"Ms. G. you are cind and nice and you have buoodful cloce and we miss you realy bad but you will *** back."    

It just made me crack up.  This little guy is really the sweetest little boy on the planet who talks with a lisp and always says "Thank you Ms. G" (with his lisp) when he's been in trouble.  He actually thanks me for correcting him.  Very sweet AND he thinks I have beautiful clothes.  He does miss me, but of course he knows I'll be back eventually.  Oh my so sweet.  

[babyalive]

Oh, another cute one....  "we love you so muts."
Are they calling me a dog?  (-:

[empty]

well it could be worse - they could be calling you 'dawg'

[magda_s]

k... a new day... a new outlook!
I still feel mildly in shock or... more like I'm missing something... which I guess I am really!!! However, I have left over cheesecake for breakfast and tomorrow I start trying to lose the extra weight I've gained from all this.  If I'm really lucky, I'll lose a bit more to make up for the weight I will gain next time!!!  That's the plan, anyway.

Helen, thank you for your note... it's been so long since I've read it that for  mili-second I thought, "Who on earth is Dagny? I *know* that name... "  
I never ended up reading Atlas Shrugged again like I said I would.  I got distracted by a little book I found on my shelf called "A Long Way Down" by Nick Hornby.  An excellent little book that helped get me through yesterday.
So, is it your next u/s tomorrow??  Perhaps today now... Good luck.  I hope those follies are getting themselves in order!

Sally, thanks for making me laugh... you got me at, '...the expense of IVF [driving DH] into a sexual frenzy'!

Heather, thank you... I'm not so sure how much grace I've handled this with what with my constant whinging but, even if I say so myself, I'm amazed, once I knew for sure, how I've managed to handle it.  In fact, I will even say that yes, I handled it with grace once I knew.  Don't think there was that much grace involved in the lead up!  
However, I have prayed and prayed that if this cycle didn't work, that I would have the stength to accept it and the courage to try again and it looks like someone was listening.  Although, really, I don't think the 'courage' bit was all that necessary... I think it's more a matter of bloody-mindedness!!!!!!
Anyway, enjoy your "beauty-treatment" day... you deserve it in a huge way.  You should go get everything done at a nice spa somewhere.  Go spend a day there.  There's a great one about an hour from where my mum lives and every time my sister and I are back there together, we go and spend the day.  As soon as you're in your bathrobe and they hand you your glass of champagne, you feel transported!

Dee!  I've missed you!  Hope you're doing okay despite being surrounded by in-laws while feeling all hormonal and dealing with AF to boot!
Thank you for your support.  I wonder if I learned from you in dealing with this BFN!

Mary, when is your teleconferencing call?? It's today or tomorrow, right?  Well, anyway, good luck... I hope you get something good out of it.

Fiona, where are you at?
Helen?  Dee?  Maybe we could do with another update??  I'm officially on sabatical.  Lisa?  How would you put it?  I've joined you in the bunker to work on strategical tactics?

Lisa, the cards were TOO cute.  But I'm very curious to know what the little boy said that got blanked out!!!  "...but you will *** back"???  Maybe I'm slow but I don't see what it could be!  Dying of curiosity.

k... off to start my day.  Have a good one yourselves ladies.

[babyalive]

Fiona,  I forgot to address your comment earlier about aging.  Let me just say I KNOW!  I felt and feel the very same way.  Turning 40 was like an awakening of OMG the time just flies!  What happened to it?  Why didn't I think about marriage(in my case) and babies a decade ago.  When you're younger you just sort of think that day of being 40 somehow never really comes.  But, boy does it come!  Now I'm looking ahead and thinking I'll be 62 before I know it and where will the time of gone?  Will I still be single and childless.  Oh I hope life changes for me drastically in the next 20 years!   I will update the b-day chart and I'll start twirling and shaking my pom poms for Fiona's bfp at 40.

Magda,  I'm glad your slowly coming out of the funk that bfn delivers.  It really does seem that nothing is standing in your way of bfp.  So, it HAS to work soon for you.  It just HAS to!  They *** out the word come, but the little boy spelled it differently.  I didn't think about the fact that medhelp would *** it.

Well, I'm still optimistic and cheering for us all.  But, feel a bit like I have a double whammy this week.  Because as you all know, I am missing a dh in my life and so would like to have one as well as a baby.  Well we had a staff meeting at work yesterday and we had an announcement of 2 engagements.  2 teachers I've been working with for 3 years each, they've each been single most of the 3 years but recentely met their now fiances. Well BOTH of them got engaged over the weekend.  They are also both almost 20 years younger than I.  It feels for a me bit the same way it feels when we get our bfn's on the same day that 2 coworkers or friends(excluding friends here of course!) tell us they got a bfp.  I am good friends with one of them and am VERY, VERY happy for her.  I'm having her over to my house tonight for a celebratory dinner, dessert and wine.  But, there is a part of me that is just heartbroken for myself.   Just needed to share that with someone.  

Okay.  Back to living life to the fullest.  Off to walk dear Sparky and get ready for work.  
Lisa

[magda_s]

They *** the word "come"???  Oh that's ridiculous!  Oooh... okay... a bit slow on the uptake.  Yes, I can see why with the different spelling they might have *** it.  Although still.  

And Lisa, I fully understand missing a DH and feeling the weight of it when you get a double announcement like that.  I think about you a lot in fact and admire you immeasurably for doing this on your own... we all complain and b i t c h  and all that but we have someone we're doing this WITH.  Even if we don't often feel they have a friggin clue!!  I really do admire you for it Lisa.  don't sell yourself short though... talking about not having thought about it 10 years ago or whatever... I'm sure that if you'd met someone wrothwhile then you'd have married them.  But you didn't.  Look at it this way, aren't you wa-a-ay better off being on your own than being married to someone you never should have been with in the first place??
Sure you're going to have your moments of feeling a bit down about but really, we've all got moments like that.  I love my DH with all my heart but it scares me that there's a 20 year age difference.  This will sound very calculated but... assuming that we live full lives, I'm going to have to be without him for a long long time.  And yes, sometimes I wonder if I wonder if I wouldn't have been better off with someone younger but the fact is I didn't fall in love with someone younger!
Chin up Lisa, you're a wonderful person... you just have to find someone deserving of you.

Well, AF must really have been banging on the door because she showed up this morning after skipping only one dose of progesterone!!!  Basically, as soon as the door opened a crack, she slipped in!

[ms320]

Helen -Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and your u/s today.  Hope the results are positive.

Lisa:  Sorry to hear you are a bit down.  It is very hard when you see the people around you getting from life the thing(s) you really desire.  When it happens to me I often wonder why others are so blessed while I am consistently cursed.  I often wonder if I committed some dreadful sin at some time in my life and I am now being punished.  If you can do something to pamper yourself, maybe that will make you feel better.  By the way, what a testament to your character that you have invited one of the newly engaged women for a celebratory dinner.  You are a much better and much stronger person than I am.

Fiona:  Just wondering how things went with your new RE.  

Heather: So glad to see you posting and feeling better.  I think the day of beauty thing is a great idea.  You soooo deserve it.  

[sasparilla]

Hi Ladies,
Magda.. glad youre feelin more upbeat, and so happy to hear I could make ya laugh.

Lisa.. Since Im pretty new here.. just wondering if youre doing donor? I know I would, in a hippity happity heartbeat.  ( Maybe thats another reason why good old DH is workin so hard)

Hi Dee.. I dont really think we've met, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE Australia.. went there about 10 years ago for 2 months.. almost moved to Coffs Harbour.

Helen.. How are those follies growin, girl?

And to everyone else.. Waddup???

I really dont know why Im bein silly today.. must be the weather.. or maybe since I had a dream about getting pregnant last night it put me in good spirits.  Its my first "Im pregnant" dream ever.. in my entire life!  There was tiny little sprite of a girl that was soo cute and she told me that the eggs Im making right now will make me pregnant.  What a happy dream!

Besides that I pretty much feel like projectile vomiting because of the ovulation pains that are starting.  Sheesh.. What I wouldnt give to ovulate and not feel it.  But, to count my blessings, Im glad I do ovulate every month, like clockwork (albeit, painful clockwork).  
DH had a funeral to go to today and then to work, so yes, I gave myself my HCG trigger in the butt.  Giant needle, huge shot... shakin the whole time.. thinking, damn this really isnt nearly as easy as the belly shots.  Luckily I had a HUGE target to aim at.. can't really miss a size 12 white as the moon a*s*s*  can you? Hey.. thats one good thing about gaining 30 lbs.. my butt is so big the shot was much easier  :0
Just got to grin and bear it  :)

Hope everyone is having a great day!!!!!  Me and my giant a*s*s* are wishing you all baby dustings and happy thoughts for today!

[fifi blue]

Hi Ladies, a quick update from me.  I'm absolutely slammed at work and only have a few minutes.

I saw my new RE yesterday.  Going to Brigham & Women's in Boston.  It's a huge medical facility and in actual fact more like a zoo.  My RE was really nice but he rushed us out of there so fast that my head was spinning.  I didn't get to ask a whole lot of questions and it was only on the way home that DH and I thought of questions we should have asked.  He pretty much confirmed what I already know, diminished ovarian reserve.  He said my prognosis was guarded and I have a success rate less than the average for my age which is 19% so I figure maybe 15%?  Even though my hormone levels are very good for my age the fact that I'm producing so little follicles is indicative of DOR.  He's going to put me on their most aggressive protocol which is estrogen patch, 600 gonal f, reponex, ganerilix.  He said if I don't produce on this cycle I probably shouldn't continue and recommended donor eggs.  He took a blood sample from me and is doing genetic testing.  He also wanted another semen sample from DH because of low morphology on the previous test, this was news to both of us.  So, waiting for test results and insurance issues to clear.  I'm really not sure when I begin again.  I'm really very confused about the next step.  Anyway, I decided to go home for my Dad's anniversay mass and am flying home to Ireland tomorrow night.  I'll be checking in before I leave and of course I hope to hear some happy news from you all when I get back which will be May 3.

Madga, sounds like you're in a great place right now.  I have no doubt that this is going to work for you.

Helen, good luck today with u/s.  

Lisa, your day will come soon I know it.

Heather, thank God you feel better.  I'm so happy for you.

Dee, when are the outlaws leaving?

Fiona

[kp1212]

Hi girls.
So I have been looking for a new thread for a few days, and was beginning to think that the last thread was just a figment of my over-active imagination, but Sally led me back to the fold.  Thanks Sally!

Anyway, still reading all that I have missed.  Although I am new to the group, I have missed the stories over the last few days.

Latest update on moi`:  STILL waiting on AF (day 37, and about 2 1/2 weeks since my cycle was cancelled due to low response).  Went in today for BW and US, and they found a big cyst on my right ovary.  No wonder my right side was painful.  So, what in the world does this mean?  I am waiting for the RN to call with BW results and tell me what needs to be done.

Helen, was it you who recently had a cyst?  Any ideas?

Glad to find you all again...

kp (Krista)

[kp1212]

Jeez!  I just got a call from the RN.  The cyst is 42 mm in size.  That sounds huge and scary (is that a big cyst or pretty typical?), but as usual I have to wait to talk to the RE until monday.  Please please please if anyone can shed some light on this I would be so grateful.  All I can think about is that something is really wrong, I have PCOS, etc etc etc.  
Infertility sucks.
Krista

[Helen72]

So, here's the latest from "down there": same 8 follies between 8-15; unfortunately the larger follie grows faster than the little once  :(  My next u/s is on Saturday and then trigger Saturday or Sunday with retrieval on Monday or Tuesday.  I guess I just have to accept the 8 that I got and live with that.  

Fiona,
sounds like your visit was very unsatisfying.  I am surprised he did s/a since you had very high fertilization rate on your last ivf cycle, basically 100%.  I hope the super-aggressive protocol he suggested works for you.  Can he replace Gonal-F with Follistim?  If I recall correctly you pay for meds out of pocket and that much Gonal-F can ruin anyone financially.  

Everyone,
thank you so much for your support and cheerleading.  It means more than you know.  

[kele1129]

Hey IVF ladies.  My cycle finally started back up and we are looking at having my baseline done May12th-ish...While I am happy to get back going with IVF, I am also terrified.

[kp1212]

Helen,
Good luck with the rest of this cycle.  Don't be discouraged--remember, it only takes one!!!

Fiona,
My RE recommended a similar protocol (using gonalf 300 units twice per day, ganerilex 125 mcg once per day and estrace tablet daily)  Also, if you are paying for Gonal-F out of pocket, Freedom Pharmacy sells it cheaper than anywhere else I have seen.  I have purchased a few of the gonal pens---they are sooooo expensive!

Best to you,

Krista

[Helen72]

Lisa,

I am so sorry you are feeling blue about not having a man in your life.  But I hope you do not feel unfulfilled.  You have a great job, close friends and students who adore you.  

On the other hand I don't understand why would any man not date you: you are easy going, caring, have a great job, hot, blonde...  What is wrong with men???

I know that it’s difficult to be single when the whole world around you is married or engaged.  I hope you will find that perfect someone (and by perfect I mean smart, caring, funny and with ivf insurance coverage) in the near future.  Mature mommy’s bfp @ 46 gives us all hope.

Mary,
I hope you have a productive conference call tomorrow.  Make sure you have all questions prepared.

Update:
Miky72 -  b/c. IVF for May.
Magda_s -  AF  :(  Waiting to discuss next step with RE in 2 weeks
Mary (ms320) - waiting for a conference call with RE on Thursday.    
fifi - is in Ireland: have a safe journey!!
fyrefly: 2WW, resting after transfer.  
Heather - 13 weeks!!!  Perinatologist appt April 30th
Dee - going au naturelle while hosting in-laws.
Lisa - cd30+, waiting for AF and to start the ttc game.
sasparilla: IUI in a few days w/ 2 follies; appt at new clinic in mid-May.
Helen: FSH injections, 3rd bloods & u/s 4/26.
Jen: Lupron injections+b/c, RE appt Friday
timeisticking: FSH injections
kele1129: b/c, baseline sono May12

[empty]

lisa the offer still stands- if i were a bloke i would marry you!

magda - i am pming you in a minnie

[babyalive]

Oh Helen and Dee you made me laugh and cry.  You are so sweet!!!  

Thank you everyone, Magda, Mary, Fiona, and everyone for your support and love (I do feel that you are loving friends!).  

I'm not feeling "empty" because I'm without a dh.  I do LOVE many aspects of my life and feel very lucky and blessed in so many ways.  But, defintely feel an emptiness in one area of my life and want so badly to share that part with someone.

I am very, very tired tonight. Lots going on at work. So, I'm sorry I can't address each of you tonight.  But, I've read your posts and have all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

[magda_s]

Fiona, I'm not going to say I'm sorry... they haven't told you that there's no point trying and there is still a chance and that's all you need.  so instead I'll just hope and pray that you get really lucky.
I hope the trip home does you good and wish you the very best of luck.

Helen, I wish the follies were being more cooperative but you know, sometimes, when everything seems to be going wrong, it turns out just right.  And who knows, the worst case scenario for you may easily be that you don't get to freeze.  I know that's disappointing.  It was for me last try and if I'd had some to freeze, I wouldn't have to go through it all again next time but such is life.
Hopefully you won't NEED any frozen embryos!!!

Dee, thanks for the pm.... sorry my reply was so long!!!

Lisa, hope that by the time you read this you're feeling a bit more energised.  I think we can all understand what you're saying about feeling an emptiness in that one area of your life.  I hope with all my heart that when that changes you will be truly fulfilled because he will be such a wonderful person.

Mary, I hope your call goes really well today...

[sasparilla]

Hi Ladies,
  On my way to IUI... Im nervous!  

[babyalive]

Good luck Sally!  Throwing lots of sticky baby dust your way!!!!

[ms320]

Sally:  Good luck with the IUI.  I am throwing a fastball of SSBD your way.

Fiona:  Sorry that your appointment wasn't what you had hoped.  soemtimes the "best" places do seem a little rushed and sometimes it is difficult to get your questions answered.  One thing I have learned is that with the big hospitals, most of the MDs hade their emails listed on the hospital website.  If you can compile a list of questions that you want answered, perhaps you can email them to the RE.  I have actually done that (prior to that, I would fax a letter).  While my RE doesn't resply via email, she usually calls me within 1-2 days and will address anything I ask.  I hope you have a safe trip.  Although the reason for the trip is solemn, I hope you will be able to enjoy being home.

Helen:  I am glad you are able to accept your 8 follies.  As has been said a million times on this forum, it only takes one.  Did they give you any idea at what size they will have you trigger.  The variation from clinic to clinic is pretty amazing.  

I am just killing some time now waiting for my call.  Helen, in her infinate wisdom advised me to have my questions prepared.  You will all be happy to know that my anal retentive self has had a list prepared since the day I scheduled the appointment.  It is all typed up with adequate space for notes depending on my REs reply.  I will fill you in later

[magda_s]

oooh... Good luck Sally.  Fingers and toes crossed!

[fifi blue]

Sally, best of luck with IUI.  

Helen, they're doing s/a because RE was concerned about morphology.  I wish I had 100% fertilisation rate but it was only 50%.  Had 2 and only 1 fertilised, it was only a 3B.  I'm praying and crossing finger & toes for you.  IVF procedure is not bad at all, I actually though IUI was worse.  

Madga, thanks for you kind words.  I can't believe I actually feel really good about everything.  I've accepted the fact it may be donor eggs and can definitely live with it.  I just want all this **** to be over with.  

Mary, good luck with your conference call today.  I'm thinking of you.

Krista, thanks for the info.  I've spent a forture already on gonal f, what's another 6K!!

Lisa, thanks for all your support.  It means a lot.

Heather, good luck with you appt on the 30th.  Thinking of you.

Dee, hope your keeping sane while the inlaws are visiting.

Right, I'm off.  Probably won't get to check in until May 3.  I hope to read about lots and lots of BFP on my return.  I'm going to miss you all, I feel such a connection to all you ladies. Don't know how I would have done this with you.

God Bless
Fiona

[magda_s]

Tee hee... Mary, you sound as anal as me... Good to know I'm not alone!!
I'll be pryaing that you get some positive info and come out of this call with a good plan.

[ms320]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to thank you all for your well wishes for a successful phone consult.  Although my RE wasn't "doing cartwheels" optimistic, she was very informative and willing to hear me out.  She basically has given me two possibilities for my next cycle.  The first option would be using Clomid and injectibles, and the second would be a Natural Cycle.  Basically, I need to go in on day two of my cycle for b/w. If my FSH is already elevated, we'll go Natural.  If it is not too high, we can do a medicated cycle.  I also asked her about trying a low stim protocol as opposed to the high stim protocols I have been on.  She doesn't really think it will work, but is willing to give it a try if I really want to.

She told me that she feels my chances of conceiving with my own eggs are about 10%, and she did mention donor eggs, but didn't push the idea when I told her I wasn't ready to go there yet.

I also asked her about DHEA, as I had heard that a study showed it increased follicle production in women with DOR who took it for 4 months.  She was not impressed by the study, and added that anecdotally some REs have found that it actually makes the response worse.  I don't think I want to take the chance.

[Helen72]

Glad you had an informative call.  Clomid with injectables sounds like a good idea since many people (like Lisa) respond better to clomid than injectables.  I am not sure what natural cycle in ivf context means.  Can you explain this part???  10% success rate isn't very high but I am glad she is willing to give your eggs their best shot.  

So, you are just waiting for AF and will start a new cycle on cd2.  Am I right?  And you will not be using lupron which hopefully will help.   I am getting excited for your next try and having you back as a contestant for the top follie model.  

[magda_s]

Mary, it's good to hear you sounding quite positive about it.  It would have been nicer to hear a more optimistic guess at your success rate with your own eggs but yes, it is good that she's not dismissing the idea.  She sounds like she's really listening to you as well which is nice when so many don't.
I truly hope this works for you.
I also haven't heard of a "natural cycle"... what does it mean?

[ms320]

Helen:  I am actually giving myself 1-2 months off as I have been on meds for two staight cycles and I feel I need to take a break.  If my FSH is elevated on day 2, my RE feels that a medicated cycle will not work because the FSH will interfere with the meds.  That is one of the reasons for supression beforehand.  In a natural cycle, there are no stim meds - only Ganirelix to hold off ovulation.  I will be monitored to see how my one naturally occurring follie grows, and they will then retrieve that one follie.  If everything goes well, it will fertilize and be transferred back into me.  Just like a regular IVF except they are only trying to maximize the one follicle.

10 percent is a lousy number, but it doesn't come as too much of a surprise.  Just think how happy I will be to be a statistical outlier if I get pregnant.

Thanks again for all of the support.  I am sending all kinds of positive thoughts your way for your b/w and u/s on Saturday.

[Helen72]

Mary,
I guess a natural cycle makes sense.  Since ivf meds are basically FSH injections, they cannot possibly help your FSH.  
I hope you can get your strength back to tackle another ivf cycle.  

Sally,
I hope your IUI went smoothly.  I am really hoping for a BFP for you this cycle.  Sending lots of SSBD your way!!!!!!  Can you hear me cheering?  
BFP! BFP! BFP! BFP! BFP! BFP! BFP! BFP! BFP! BFP! BFP! BFP!

HeathJo,
are you back to your normal groomed self?  I just wish I lived closer so that I could go with you and have my nails done while having a quality girlfriend time  :)

[HeathJo]

Helen--I am still un-groomed and disgusting! My toenails are half-polished from a pedi in January, my hair needs highlights, and I need a haircut as well. I wish you lived here as well! It's either go it alone or with my mother. Think I'll go alone.

Mary--Good that you have a plan, friend. Statistics don' always apply: I was told I only had a 30% chance of having twins, and only another 30% chance out of THAT to have triplets. DOn't know the math on that, but here I am. . .

Lisa--I understand going it alone and how hard it is. Some say when you least expect it, you find The One. This was true for me, and I hope it is for you :-)

Fiona--Thanks for your thoughts, and have a safe trip :-)

Helen (again)--Maybe I am just uneducated, but 8 follies doesn't sound too bad to me. If you trigger Saturday, I'd say you have a good chance of having at least half those working out, if not more. I'm praying and SSBD.

Sorry if I left anyone out--scrolling up and down the page makes me more nauseated :-( Gotta go lay down.

[kele1129]

Just got off the phone with the IVF nurse and the baseline will be on the 20th and I start my Lupron on the 12th.  no birth control however due to my migraine history. Fortunately my natural cycle works with the clinics schedule. ^_^

I am trying to read all these other posts to catch up...

[Helen72]

Congrats on starting new ivf cycle!

HeathJo started a new thread.  Hope to see you there.

Helen