What to with emotions of failed IVF

[LuvtheGoldenGirls]

We just finished out first ivf cycle. Beta is monday (6/14) but i passed a blood clot today (saturday 6/12)) and i think thats because im about to start my period ( i can feel it too). i took an hpt today and BFN. =( i didnt know ivf was so psychologically tormenting I didnt feel THIS bad after failing to to conceive naturally. We did 3dt with 2 embryos with none to freeze. so you can imagine from the get go i did not feel good about the situation. When i took the test tonight after passing the blood clot and saw the BFN i just cried and cried. i dont know if i can mentally go through a second ivf. Though if DH and I do decide to go ahead for one more try i would ONLY do 5dt since this last time it seems none even made it to blast.

so what do you do with these feelings? does anyone know any coping mechanisms? I'm only 27 with pcos and i feel like a failure to DH because i cant concieve.

[kahlua141]

My first failed with a chemical miscarriage and we had nothing to freeze..i we were bummed but now I am in the 2ww of my 2nd..it was much easier and just hopng for the best! Hang in their..

[LuvtheGoldenGirls]

thanks to everyone's comments! i started bleeding light today and last night. its only when i wipe (sorry tmi) my hubby and i came to terms with it that we may need to do this again and you are right flaquitta, i feel the 2nd time around will be a little easier bc i will know what is going on and what to expect. we got a kitten today and that has also helped, everyone on here is so nice. i used to post on yahoo answers but i found out that is not really a support forum. i had some mean people but this is a really nice play to talk to people. thanks all!

[Marceyb]

Hi there
I really feel for you it must be hard but you really need to give yourself a break ivf has success and losses it's hard to see light but it's there keep going!! I had a mc and I have to start ivf hopfully soon it's really hard when you know what's going to happen with meds and egg retrieval but the end goal is a baby! I am medically sound my dh had to have a testicular biopsy and he felt so low after the mc he didn't think I should be putting myself through all of ivf just because of him !! I slapped him of course cause he was talking shite!!  I just want to to know that it doesn't matter which one of you has fertility issues as your a team snd you can't get what you Wang without exch other !! I will pray for you ANC your hubby please god the next ivf will bring 9 lb babies our way best of luck xx

[seattleview]

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I don't understand why you were feeling bad about the situation from the beginning, though.  I also transferred two embryos on day 3 and none of my others made it to blast for freezing, and my RE gave me nothing but a positive prognosis.  The ones that don't make it to blast just weren't meant to be - they say it's highly likely eggs fertilize in us naturally quite often and we never know it because they just don't make it.  I don't think there's any reason to ONLY do a day 5 blast transfer next time...like Kricket said, oftentimes the RE wants to get the embryos back into their natural environment sooner since that's what's best for them. Many, many people have had success with day 3 transfers with nothing to freeze, including myself.  I also don't know if you should be quite so sure it didn't work yet.  My RE tells people to get the beta even if you think you start your period because it's pretty common for people to bleed in early pregnancy and also that PMS symptoms are quite similar to early pregnancy symptoms. So don't give up hope just yet!

[flaquita77]

Don't be sad, I know how you feel, it's hard. But it's common not to have success in the first IVF, we have to be patient. I did 2 cycles and I never had embryos to freeze, now I am pregnant from my second cycle of 8 weeks. And the second try was easier, my body adapted better to the medications and I was less scare, and it was faster than the first one.
So don't worry, you will feel better in the second intent, don't stop trying cause it's worth it !!!
All the best for you and good luck also for Kricket212 !!

[Kricket212]

Hang in there.  It sure is difficult especially when there are no embies to freeze.  This was my situation also.    I would not push for 5 day though until Dr recommends it.  Sometimes embryos don't make it to 5 day & then you risk having nothing.  When doing 3 day Dr's feel the embryos will do better in there natural habitat.
I am on 3rd IVF.  The first was m/c, 2nd one didnt take....3rd one I am in 2WW.
I am praying this cycle is it for me, but just don't know.

Good Luck to you!!
  

[ehope]

Aww try not to think about it as much. I had two failed IVF cycles and the third one work. When I had one that didn;t take at all and the other ended in a miscarraige. It is normal to be sad but just try to keep your self busy. This might not work for you but me and DH just acted as if we never did it, You'll get your time and when it comes you'll know that it was better timing then the others. let me know if you need to talk, I understand what your gowing through.