Why do docs casually suggest donor eggs

[rene67]

OK, bear with me, this is sort of venting....my RE is somewhat confident I can have a successful pregnancy using my own eggs, even with FSH 14 (not so good), 3 m/c and age 40.

So why is it that everytime I ask another doc for an opinion they always say use donor eggs. Like its just another option.  Deciding to use donor eggs is a BIG decision...it means you are willing to give birth to a non-biological child.  Don't get me wrong...I think this is a totally OK and of course you will love that child no matter what.  But it is not just another alternative to using your own eggs. To me, it is the last resort to birthing a child that still carries father's genes...but after all alternatives have been tried.  

Really, I do not have a problem with other using donor eggs, just tired of hearing doctors bring that up when I still have some chance.  I did have 3 m/c but do not have other fertility problems, and as of yet, am still able to conceive without assisted technologies.  

Has anyone on this forum had successful pregnancies at 40 using their own eggs?  I think I need to hear there is still hope.

[LvnEmbryos]

Try and stay positive.  I agree that donor eggs should be a last resort after TTC with your own eggs...it seems too early to give up!  And I agree that a lot of RE's forget about adoption as another option, but it too unfortunately can be very expensive...if only we could solve the billion dollar question and end all the infertilty issues...wish we could be so lucky!

[rene67]

Thanks for your story, it was really motivating.  Like the part about Barbies!

I am not totally against donor eggs, just I feel I need to exhaust the other options.  My RE is hopeful I can still get pregnant naturally with my own eggs, just maybe help the process along with Clomid and IUI.  So I plan to TTC as usual for the next year, but if no go, will move on to the next step which could be donor or adoption (or maybe even no children if that's the way it has to be).

This whole TTC thing has consumed so much of my energy for the last 2 1/2 year, I'm just hoping for a good outcome eventually.

[andykk]

Totally understand your venting... I have been in the same situation. After 2 failed IVF attempts (both w/ the same results..showing my eggs to be bad, but I had already had a child on my own...apparently through some miracle!) the docs were quick to suggest donor eggs. I really agree w/ what has been said...it isn't a matter of them making more money (we should hope that we are going to doctors who really do want to help us, don't you think, not out for the $$...) and what their goal is is what we are there for...to have a baby (not just get pg, but actually have a successful pg w/ a healthy baby). So I truly think that they suggest (or push, I guess however you feel they are doing it) donor eggs, is they feel that that is the way it can be successful.And they see how heartrenching it is for us to go through all of this time and time again...takes a toll on everything, body, emotions, relationships...so if we can be successful and cut out all of that as early as possible...that is they way they want us to proceed...I really think they do have our best interest in mind.  It is A LOT to take in...sitting in the office, being told that nothing is wrong w/ dh and that it is you that isn't completing the equation w/ having a baby...ugh...nothing I EVER imagined I would encounter( my barbies didn't ever go to the fertility clinic w/ Ken to have a baby!)...but  I did...so after much discussion w/ docs, dh, and myself (that being the most important, could I deal w/ this decision?) donor eggs was what the answer would be...if I wanted to have a successful pg w/ a healthy baby. Donor eggs are the way to achieve this goal if  eggs are not being successful. Much is done to try to ensure success by going this route, I think that is why they "push" it. Unfortunately the older we get...you know the story! So...we ended up w/ the most beautiful, wonderful ( i could go on and on) son by using this option that was given us. Our donor gave us the "framework" for our baby, and I truly believe we put all that we could into it to make it the child he is. Truly, we couldn't have the child we do (regardless of not having my dna) w/ out using the donor eggs. I know this is hard to take in for anyone, and not for everyone, but it is great that w/ science today we are given this as an option. So don't rule it out totally. Since I have used donor, I have had three great friends do the same...all w/ beautiful babies!
Oh, I hope that you get the answers you need and the outcome that you deserve! It is such a hard road, but one that you will look back on and know that you are a stronger person (ugh...sounds so "hallmarkey") but true. Follow your instincts, use the doctors as a guide, and you will be successful! In the end...we all just want that little one to watch sleeping at nite!
Good luck to you! Sorry I rambled on and on and on...I just want all of us to be happy and have as many beautiful babies as our hearts desire!!!

[rene67]

This question seems to have touched a nerve!

LVNEmbryos -- I had D&C with all 3 m/c but they only tested last one AND couldn't get tissue to grow (lab said it was probably too late past fetal demise).  I was 38 & 39 with the first 2.  I wish that it would have worked, may have answered some questions.

Jackson-Angel -- thanks for the support, fortunately its not my RE that's pushing donor eggs, just what I seem to hear from others (including those docs in MedHelp).

Julie1615 -- thanks for sharing your story, like it said, my RE is OK.  Its too bad your RE was not forthcoming during the process, it may have saved you some grief (and $).  I hope you are doing better with the new RE.

40sMama -- I'm very glad for you. You will soon be a Mom, how great!  Thanks for the stories about 40+ers, I knew there had to be a few.  I also agree that docs don't push for financial reasons, although I'm sure there are a few out there that do it to increase their clinic success rate, which drives more business.

[40smama]

I totally disagree w/Jackson Angel & I think that assumption is ridiculous.  I don't believe that re's "push" donor eggs for financial reasons.  That makes no sense.  I believe the reason they suggest donor eggs is because there's a much, much greater chance of pregnancy w/younger eggs & if that's the goal of the patient, then that's what the re is going to recommend.

I know of two women who got pg naturally w/their own eggs recently:  my sister (last year) at age 40 almost 41 (she wasn't even trying - lucky girl) and my own re who had a baby 6 years ago at 43 conceived naturally so it's definitely possible!!  My own grandmother had a child at 40 and then another at 43 and that was back in the '40's & she couldn't even afford good prenatal care.

I myself tried IVF w/my own eggs at 43 and was unsuccessful so we took my re's suggestion and did donor eggs and am almost ready to deliver.  I don't recommend doing donor eggs; however, if you are having any ambivalent feelings at all about doing so.  Good luck and much SSBD to you!

[Julie1615]

Hi Rene,

I'm not shocked to hear that your RE casually suggested Donor Eggs as another option to consider. I'm 30, with 3 failed IUIs and 1 failed IVF under my belt. My problem unfortunately is a spuriously low FSH 6 masked by a high E2 level -89 :( My highest FSH level was 9, E2 71.

Until the consultation post the failed IVf cycle, my RE never told us that the high E2 levels was a real problem. And then suddenly one day, hey your eggs are all poor, the possibility of you conceiving with your own eggs is extremely low... blah blah.. and Donor eggs is the next option to consider. ALL in one breath. I wonder why he also didn't mention Donor Embryo (we have male factor too) and Adoption too:( Hubby and I were shell shocked and utterly devastated. And for weeks we were in denial on hearing such news.

And would you believe it? Even during my first IVF when I went in for a progress check-up during the 2WW, the attending RE who did my ultrasound was asking me how I was feeling. I thought she really meant to care for my feelings and I said I'm scared that this is going to be a failure because I only had 1 embryo of grade 6B- transferred back in. And to my horror, she said, oh you might have premature ovarian failure, so you should definitely consider donor eggs. I couldn't go back to work that day, I was crying my lungs out.

I have since changed REs and right now preparing to do my second ivf cycle. I apologise for having rambled on with my long sob story, but just felt like sharing my story too. I also agree with you that donor eggs can be a blessing indeed, but it's such a heart-rending decision at the same time.

Wishing you good luck with your treatment, keeping you in my thoughts and prayers:))

best,
Julie

[Jackson_Angel]

WHY DO THEY PUSH THE EGGS...????....WHY NOT..~~~????~~IT GENERATES MORE INCOME FOR THEM!

I have been having the SAME problem for a LONG time ~ you have to step up to the plate and just tell them it isn't an option with you (if that's how you feel) ~ that's what I did ~ and ~ you really have to be your own medical watchdog ~ I've learned ALOT from this site and the girls on it ~ they are VERY supportive, and will give you the extra push in the kyuntz that you need to talk to the RE correctly to push them into the mode of MOVE IT OR LOSE IT ~ literally ~ found the right site dear ~ keep on pluggin' away!!!!

[LvnEmbryos]

I agree that a lot of RE's are very casual with donor eggs, and it is a big decision and it is very expensive.  I think if you are still getting pregnany without any fertility treatment, IVF with PGD would be a great option for you.  Have you had a D&C done on any of your miscarriages?  This is another good option because they can tell you if the miscarriage was due to a chromosomal abnormality which is the case a lot of the time after the age of 40.  Good luck!!!

[rene67]

Thanks for the info.  I think it makes sense after first IVF considering the expense.  My insurance doesn't pay anything for IVF, so if I get to that point I may consider donor eggs. But as I mentioned, my RE doesn't think straight IVF would be helpful at this point.

I'm very glad to hear the 3rd attempt worked and you are pregnant!  Congrats!  

You are right that docs look at stats, not emotions.  I guess they need to know your history first.  My RE did not even suggest IVF w/donor eggs, only brought it up as an option when I asked about it.  

[sarge1]

I know my RE suggested it to us after our first IVF attempt failed. He did so because our insurance would only pay for so many IVF attempts, and he wanted to discuss it with us in case we wanted to save one of our attempts for donor eggs. He just wanted us to have success, and, statistically speaking, at age 40 your chance of IVF success with donor eggs is much greater. Fortunately for us, our 2nd IVF was a "success" of sorts (ended in miscarriage), and our 3rd attempt was a success (9 weeks 3 days so far), all using our own eggs and sperm. I'll be 40 in 2 weeks.
I guess what I'm saying is, since the doctor's are looking at it from a purely statistically successful point of view, that may be why they go straight to "donor eggs".  They aren't looking at the emotional side.

[rene67]

Thanks for the comment.  I'm glad to hear you know of those over 40 w/natural pregnancies (there probably wasn't much IVF going on then either).  My grandmother also had had a child at 40 and back in the late 1950s.  Plus I have friends that had children at 40+ with no problems.

Yes, IVF for PGD may be a good option if others don't work.  For now I expect to at least try Clomid with IUI once and see what happens.  Then move on from there.  My doc didn't feel straight IVF would help at this point and that donor eggs was something I may need to consider, but not yet.  One day at a time.

[Amaterasu]

My aunt had successful pregnancies at 40 and 45, though I don't know all the details because I was very young at the time, I do know she used her own eggs.  14 is borderline from what I've read and 25 is the breaking point for high (with 10 being the point between normal and borderline).  I think you have to do what is right for you.  If you don't like the idea of using donor eggs, keep trying naturally until that becomes the only option.  Alternately, if the doctor thinks the m/c are due to genetic problems, would it be possible to do IVF with your own eggs for the purposes of PGD so they can make sure you have good embryos to implant?