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getting no support from my husband

I am feeling like I am getting no support from my husband and I am getting really frustrated!  To make a long story short(er) the reason we can not conceive is because of my husbands sperm morphology.  The doctor really suggested that he try to quit chewing and take vit E and C and Fertility Blend for men.  He only did this if I handed them to him and he whined about it.  He never made any attempt to quit chewing. (I quit 3 yrs ago right before we started ttc) We ended up doing IVF-had 2 embryos transferred on Mothers day.  
I have also been doing accupunture which was highly recommended, and I am down to one pop a day-which is HUGE for me.  Plus you all know about all the shots, patches, vitamins we all have to take.  All my husband has to do is give me my Progesterone shot once a night and he is now getting out of that!  
Don't get me wrong, I know he really wants to have children.  The problem (I think) is that he drinks too much.  He gets off work at 5pm (he runs his own business) and I changed the time of my shot to 7pm because he never comes home right after work.  He has been getting home later now and the other night I had to do my own shot.  Today is the 3rd time day in a row he has come home drunk and it is getting to be 7pm and he is passed out.  
He was absolutely great the day of transfer-we live 2 hrs away from the clinic-but when we got home-an hour later he left and went to the bar and came home drunk.  This was when I was supposed to be taking it easy and not be up doing anything,  I just thought that was so selfish.  I am just feeling really alone and feel like I am the only one that cares if this happens or not.  I go back to the doctor friday to find out if I'm pregnant or not.  Hubby has not made any mention about if he'll go or not.  Anyone else feel no support from thier husbands???  I did for awhile and now nothing!
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Avatar universal
wow-thanks so much.  Very good article.  Things have been better the past few days.  I am really starting to look forward to my tests on friday too!  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
another link for a correlating post cnn has is here.

http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/living/2011/05/16/orig.babymaking.fails.sedaka.cnn.html

i have not watched it but thought of you.

blessings,
~tm
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
dear sumo,

good morning, glad that you have already thought that through. and yes things generally are better in the morning. ;) furthermore, it is well that you both would be able to separate the marital side of things from the child. i am sorry about

just this morning i happened upon an article from cnn and i thought of you.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/05/17/sedaka.infertility.husbands/index.html?hpt=C2

kind regards and hugs,
maretree
Helpful - 0
372900 tn?1315512302
If he's getting drunk all the time he may want to seek help.  That can be a reason his morphology is messed up.  I personally wouldn't want to bring a child into an environment where the dad refuses to take care of himself.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for all your input.  I do not think that the IVF is making him drink.  It seems like he just goes in cycles with that.  Also this month is the 3rd anniversary of his (only) brothers death so I think that could be part of it.  As far as having beer at home-we do have beer at home but he does not drink at home, he never has-its a social thing for him.  He only drinks at home when we have friends over.  
I am feeling better about things today, things always look better in the morning.  I did have to give myself my own shot last night and it went really well.  (it actually hurt less than when he does it ) Then I just went out and went for a nice long drive to have a good cry and clear my head,  Came back and took a long bubble bath.  
Maretree-I know that a child never solves marital problems so that is not my goal here.  I know we will be good parents and I know not to drag a child into adult issues so I think we will be okay there.  But I do know what you are trying to say and I have done a lot of thinking about that.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hello friend,

i think prayin4miracle is on to something about being confused about the whole ivf process. however, i think it maybe a bit more than this.... not knowing what happens pre ttc given the fact that we were put here on the earth to multiply this not being able to conceive could really be a big emotional trauma in addition to any other additional stress factors. i cannot say i agree in continuing on with out the support of the husband. only adding a child could multiply your sorrows. especially as the child grows... what will he/she learn of these habits? you will be in mommy heaven and he will be doing his own thing it could cause even more distance. i don't know that i have ever heard having a baby "fixes" problems. except for once... a korean friend married a girl from hawaii, his parents were very upset about the whole thing. got a honeymoon baby and that seemed to lessen the tension between her and the in-laws.

i will pray for you that he can see he is wasting, time, money, brain, effort into those things that steal so much of the reality of life!
Helpful - 0
1667717 tn?1331160810
I agree with beleitheil to buy the beer and have it home..... but i don't think it's the IVF process making him drink b/c you said yourself he has been doing this for a while......  BUT I would NOT let this stop you from having a child.... I am 34 pushing 35 and I really wish we had done this years ago.... but if you have a chance to have a child now, do it... don't wait... and if he is going to be a full or part time dad..... do it either way other wise you will regret it...

And if you have to resort to donor.... then that's what you have to do ;)
Helpful - 0
1666978 tn?1311943599
Hello!
i am not a shrink but it sounds like your husband is having a difficult time processing the whole ivf  process. everyone handles stress in thier own way . if we could all be drinking during this process, i am sure we would be to relieve the stress but its bad for the baby.
so he is drinking for both of you... maybe buy the beer and have him home drinking . maybe he has another source of stress that you could talk to him about? work?
my thoughts on this might not help , but thats what these forums are for, so we can help each other..
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I do think he has a drinking problem.  We have been together for about 13 yrs and married for 4 1/2 and we have had our ups and downs with his drinking.  I am 32 and he is 35 and I just don't want to wait any longer to start a family.  And that is probably selfish of me so I have mixed feelings about that too.  I'm also thinking that if I dont get pregnant then maybe that is a sign.  I'm scared to death of never having kids but am also scared that I will be raising them with a part time dad who is too busy drinking.  Maybe it's the hormones talking but I am just really emotional today and things are really weighing on my mind.  Thanks for listening.
Helpful - 0
1667717 tn?1331160810
Sweetie I hope things get better b/c I think the big problem is that is at a bar getting drunk every night..... he can't be ready to be a dad if he has a drinking problem...and yes he is being extremely selfish, I am sorry you have to have deal with that while ttc :(
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
By the way-I quit smoking not chewing-lol
Helpful - 0
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