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New Member - Fibromyalgia and Dependency
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New Member - Fibromyalgia and Dependency

Good afternoon.  I am new to the group and am a full time working mother of 3 girls, married to a military man whom I've been with for over 18 years who is deploying to the middle east.  We have recently movged to Southern Maryland andI am having a tough time ... feeling isolated....and scared with the limited resources around here.  I was diagnosed 15 months ago when my youngest was born via c-section and was given Oxycodone for the pain, became dependent on them and had to go to a facility to get help to stop them (my choice)...I didn't want to be chained to meds the rest of my life but the pain is just unbearable.  I am very depressed and anxious right now with all of the moves, being separated, still trying to accept my diseases and limitations, etc. and with the stress in my life right now...my pain is exacerbated.  I am looking for support and encouragment/advice.  I hope to get to know all you very well.  Take care.
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It must be very hard for you right now.I am not sure i could handle it either.We are here for you and yes it is hard to handle the pain.to be honest i tried going without the darvocet and i managed a month without before i finally realized i couldn't take the pain anymore.i do understand the not wanting to take any pain medications and that is everyones right not to take them.Have you talked to your doctor about other options,like Lyrica or Ultram?
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I wish I could take narcotic meds but I cannot control my usange and they are the only thing that allow me to live a normal life, work, take care of the kids, etc.  I wish I could have a way to take them without them being under my control.  My husband is AGAINST meds of any kind...he doesn't even take aspirin and after experiencing my withdrawals from the Oxycodone...he never wants to see me go through that again and frankly...I can't handle a withdrawal like that again...I have a very sensitive system and my withdrawals from most meds are horrendous.  I am currently taking Ultram and it barely touches the pain...I take 3 times the dosage 3 times more than I'm supposed to just to get relief....this can't be good for me but I can't function with my level of pain and no-one understands in my family...all they see is the addiction...which I am not even sure was an actual addiction...I didn't do it to get high but I did it to take the pain and stress away of the disease and having to live up to everyone's expectatiosn and disbelief in my condition.  Lyrica didn't work for me.  I also take muscle relaxers and benzos which I am now dependent on....I was on Suboxone and I quit EVERYTHING one day when I was having a panic attack and went into severe withdrawal so that is all my hubby sees which is unfortunate.  I am in such a unique situation that no-one else can understand unless they are in my position.  I don't think they fully understand or appreciate the magnitude of my pain and mistake my good days for being "cured"...lol.  I am trying to put a new team of doctors in place here on the east coast and I want to get off of everything in a rehab facility so I can figure out what pain is real and what is rebound pain.  Easier said than done though...when you are in the middle of a panic attack, or it takes two hours just to get out of bed because of the flu like fatigue and pain...its SO HARD not to take something to make the pain stop...its mentally draining and you feel like you're dying but my husband doesn't understand and never will.  He believes me now but I don't think he fully comprehends the level of pain, defeat, anxiety, panic, depression, emptyness, fear that I feel everyday.  Not his fault..and he helps as much as he can but its just not enough for me.  I feel so lost as to where to begin treatment that all I can do is cry and pop a pill to make the symptoms a little more tolerable.  I took vicodin for a pulled tooth for one day and felt terrible...I don't even crave the narcotics but I can't stand this pain anymore and I feel I am at my breaking point.  I have babies that need me and I am only 31 and should be hobbling around like an 80 year old woman you know.  
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Girls I feel your pain and know what you are going through.  I have FM 15 years now.  I have been through every struggle you both detailed in your messages.  

I'm an addict/alcoholic in recovery 13 years yet, I need to take meds for pain.  Acceptance of my illness was the key for me.  I need medicine to get me through the day.  I take soma a muscle relaxer 350mg. 1/2 a tablet and zydone7.5 with tylenol400mg. 1/2 a tablet as late in the day as I can.  When I say late I mean I wake up lately with a headache that would put anyone without FM down for the count.  I take a hot shower and stretch the most I can in the shower and that helps with it.  I go as long as I can. I drive where I have to go.  When I am home for the rest of the day and my head still kills and the other symptoms are still there, I start with half my prescribed dose of those meds.  I do get relief, not a lot but some.  I can find that my energy increases because my body is not as burdened.

I'm watched by my spouse also.  He is in recovery also and protective of mine.  What we do is talk in the morning about what my symptoms are that day so far. Emotional, and physical. I tell him what and when I plan on taking which meds.  Later he always asks me how I feel.  Sometimes I still feel awful after the meds and I tell him I will be taking more.  I take these meds with ice tea, the caffiene helps with staying not tired.  

Keeping our husbands a part of what we deal with helps them understand.  Announcing a good day with glee, helps also.  Seizeing that day and letting them know what your doing, which is making the best of a good day because it may not last, is important.

My husband understands because he came to the Dr. with me and she explained what I experience with just having a head cold.  She told him, it was like him having the flu and the symptoms can come on and hang on for months because of the immune system being out of wack.

The Fibromyalgia Network has many journals/issues that focus on the family and helping them understand the illness, meds needed and the difficulties we face.

Don't complicate you suffering by allowing guilt to cloud how you take care of yourself.  No one else is walking in your shoes, how can they tell you how to confront your pain.

Give people permission to not understand.  It will ease your stress.  

Describe your pain to your men.  Use objects that they would know how they felt.  Heat from the BBQ, knives sticking in you or out from inside of you.  skin made of needles.  Feelings like someone put a stick in a muscle and turned it.  Not tired, 10 quarts low on energy.  running on reserve, or car talk, running on fumes.  Straining the engiene.  Tires are low and going up a hill of deep sand.  

Tell them you know it hurts them to see you hurting.  Tell them you love them for that

Write me back here or private message, I'm here to help. I ran a FM support group for women for 10 months until I handed it over, so I have lots of info, including new meds on the horizon.

Hugs girls
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You and your family are in my thoughts during this terrible time.  I hope your husband's deployment goes well and that he is not gone for long.  I don't have much advice as far as your meds...the only thing that seems to work for me at all are opoid pain killers.  I just wanted to drop a line to say how much I appreciate what your husband, you and for family sacrifice for our way of life.
(BIG HUG)
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Avatar_f_tn
My heart hurts for you and my spirit prays for you.  You have a hugh platefull and I honestly cannot identify with you, but I can certainly say you have found a place for support.  

After 15+ years, my RXs are: Cymbalta, Lyrica, Voltarin, Flexiril, Ambien and Vicadin.
By choice I take Ambian and Vicadin as needed which fluxuates according to how well I do or don't sleep and how much discomfort/pain I can deal with.  When my back, hips, shoulder joints or other joints get really bad I go to a pain clinic for injections of cortisone.  Of course, the number of times for these injections are limited, but I find them very helpful.

For me, having an internist, rheumotologist and pain clinic that acknowledge the condition makes a big difference.  Please just keep searching for a doctor(s) who are willing to listen and help.

Also, write anytime you need to have a listner.  I'll be happy to respond either on the forum or privately.

God Bless (you are in my prayers)    
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I find that the meds I take for the FM pain that I have lately are shorter acting than they were before.  I DO NOT want to keep upping my doses and using more of the drugs each day.  

I usually take a break if I can tolerate my symptoms but I've had awful neck and head pain, neurological pain with myofacial pain all over my neck and face.  

I'm asking if Vicodin works on neuro pain.  zydone is a hydrocodone, with tylenol, low dose.  It just does not cut it.  Soma helps but like I said, I think I'm building a tolerance and do not want to up it.

So Vicodin I'm asking about and a muscle relaxer.  Do you know of any? Flexeril is one correct?  What does that do, are you tired from it?  

I'm on Wellbutrin and Topamax, I can take Ambien if needed but the Soma makes me tired enough.  

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I am new here but I just wanted to drop a line to say that I hope things are working out for all of you.
I understand the feeling of family questioning your medications, my situation is different my partner has an addiction problem and has at times taken my medications.  his family inparticular sees his issues and assumes that I must have an addiction prblem as I take a lot more of them for my fibro pain.  The way I have tried to explain it is that for someone that is not in pain the medications go sta\raight to their head, thereby making them high.  However, when you are in pain the meds go to the pain.  even though I take 10mg of oxy with 10 oxycotin every few hours it is similar to someone else taking a tylonal extra strength.  more sever pain more sever the medications.  
when toerance becomes a problem I have my dr's change my meds if you take oxy then you have to switch to something in a slightly diferent class like demerol or morphine it can keep your body from adapting too much to the one drug.
when it comes right down to it we all have to make a disicion that works for us and our lives.  I personally want to particiapate in my kids lives and if that means taking pain meds than that is what I do.

don't let people who don't live your life tell you how to live
good luck to you all
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Exactly, what you said, D.

I found I needed more Soma and Zydone to function, which if I took more I could not function because I would be tired.

Needing more means it is not working, period.  Like you said, shift to another medication.  I have a circle of med that I rotate in.  When one does not seem to be giving me relief, I move to the next, and so on.

My doctor cannot prescribe morphine or the kappa opiods which work best on women's brains opiod receptors, because they are level 4 pain killers and you need a special license for them.  She said I need these but I need to go to a pain specialist to get them.  
Do you see a pain specialist to get your meds?
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