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1830047 tn?1321667793

VENT: If the doc thinks his/her time is being wasted...

Warning.  This is simply a rant and rave.

You know, it seems that no matter what the eventual diagnosis a common thread throughout these health forums; indeed throughout history, is that the dear ol' doc feels their valuable time is being wasted by the multi-complaint, mysteriously symptomed client.  So what if time and again an actual disease raises its ugly head justifying the maligned, and now wrongfully pegged hysterical... hypochondriac... patient.  Hmmm.  

We have seen this manner of dealing with patients in texts and in movies going back ages.  We have seen where some are eventually driven to deep depression and even suicide by their treatment in the medical community.  So, wouldn't you think that by now doctors would have come up with a simple way by which to weed out those nasties who have the temerity to waste their time.

Wouldn't you think they might have thought to EDUCATE the patient for a better consult... by now.  Really.  Something as simple as a list of terms & definitions applicable to the type of consult scheduled so that the doctor and their patient are actually speaking the same language.  

Maybe we should suggest it to the doctors we see for those of us yet to come.  It would have helped me.
I'm tired of seeing where good people are torn down by those they go to for help.  

(Not all doctors are bad.  Definitely not.  Some are great and go above and beyond.  This Rant is about those who ignore the fact that the human body will ever be a changing and challenging mystery.  This Rant is about those who already know it all.)
18 Responses
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553995 tn?1332018840
I have all I want. As far as I'm concerned, what a dr. Writes on me is merely their opinion and I could care less what they think. It varies from doc to doc.

When I see a mental health professional, I do not allow them to access previous records. I tell them to form their own opinion. I am very intrigued by some consistencies yet some contradictions. Depression is what I have, most likely from constantly not feeling right.

I have a flamboyant personality and one very serious doctor took that as BiPolar! She tried kick butt meds on me.  I've read other glowing reports drs. Wrote on me. Since then I have not been diagnosed biPolar.
Now, it is found that Lyme disease can represent itself with biPolar symptoms, anxiety and
depression.  I have Lymes, Babesia and Mycoplasma.
We are subject to the doctors personality in what they write. Who needs it.
I will stick to the lab reports and not allow docs to pass on paper gossip about me.
Helpful - 0
1830047 tn?1321667793
You need a subpoena to get their notes and memos, etc.  There may be nothing or the file may have been purged.  My docs are pretty open about suggesting therapy which I don't think is unreasonable given stress from the current situation... as long as they don't ignore other issues.

Ask if you can have phone message records.  These sometimes have doc's response... .
Helpful - 0
553995 tn?1332018840
You mean besides blood tests and scan reports. Docs are weird about that. My doc quit her practice and went cosmetic. When she handed over my files, it was only clinical stuff, not any of her impressions.
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1530171 tn?1448129593
Hi Everybody!
It will be interesting to see your own medical records.
There's resistance of course when you do ask for them,however,
you're entitled to see them. I would do to the local "free" legal clinic(if there's is one in your area)
and ask for the forms for the release of your records. Not sure of the procedures and rules in the different states and provinces.
Do not be surprised, some of you, if you see  psychiatric or mental
references  in those files!
At least you will know how you are viewed from the "other" side.
Cheers,
Niko
Helpful - 0
1830047 tn?1321667793
lol.  you too.  I have trouble cutting veggies for stew (sigh).
Helpful - 0
553995 tn?1332018840
Thank you for all your wisdom you've shared. Now I see where you have earned it.
I feel fortunate to have you here. Today would have been hard, thank you.

My brain actually feels lighter
Helpful - 0
553995 tn?1332018840
Yes, I was thinking how many of us travel the same path. I do believe we meet who we are suppose to so we can learn from each other and enrich our own lives.
For instance, you and Buffy. Both of you have much in common with me, especially you. If it wasnt for so many connecting factors we would not have met. One main factor, our suffering.
I meet some people where communication is awkward, not with you.
I hope to talk with you again

I just mixed corn bread, from scratch of course and my body is not happy. I am going to Rock Band it for a while and get out of my head lol.
Hope your evening is comfortable.
Helpful - 0
1830047 tn?1321667793
If you can't say "No," say "Let me get back to you on that..."

Understand that no one has a perfect family (though some are worse than others).  Your family doesn't make you more or less of a person.  

I grew up at a home for children and only reunited with family members over the last three years.  I have three older brothers, one of which is lost in drugs and hides from the family.  Parents are either dead or MIA.  I can't tell you the pain I experienced b/c of family over the years but two of my brothers are there for me now... at least they are trying.  The youngest of my brothers has literally died twice which makes him the most understanding.  Not many of us have that circumstance to help them be understanding.

It's ok to be angry, rant and rave.  By like P says if you can't let it go it will eat you up.

One of my fav sayings (from a tea box!) tells up to remember to take time to be gentle with yourself and others.  It's the remembering yourself that I like.  Obvious or not to the outside world we are too hard on ourselves.

Give yourselves a hug and a smile from [the rest of us].
Helpful - 0
136956 tn?1688675680
I totally understand completely.  My family is way out there too. My Grandmother was dying and they kept telling me she didnt want anyone there.  I kept asking getting the same answer. I finally go and she is incoherent and not the way I want to remember her.

I get home, me being the single mother I was at the time wanting to go see her before she dies and my sister (same sister by the way) says "Dont worry Angela, the people that need to be here are here"

I had smoke coming out of my ears, I was so angry.

My dad's side of the family is the most meanest people you will ever come in contact with (well maybe not LOL) they will rip your heart out, stomp on it and throw it away like it was nothing.

I have learned over the years to walk away from the people that tear you down and bring negative energy. It took a very long time and I am glad that particular sister lives in England now it makes it even that much easier.

My only down fall at this moment is learning to say NO.

I feel like you and I have been separated at birth LOL

I guess everyone has a story to tell dont they?
Helpful - 0
553995 tn?1332018840
You have me all misty. What you talk about are resentments which can be justified, but they will eat us up like a cancer on our hearts. I get them all the time for reasons less valid than you.  For me it is simply that I grew up emotionally neglected, never being validated and most times told to suck it  up. Fight my own battles, how? I was a scared little girl with no coping skills
You are an amazing person to be able to detach from your Sister to save yourself the injustice of her words and heartless thought.
Your family is not ruined, it may need a lesson on how to support each other.
My family is lame like that too. We act strong to spare each other and hide
our heads to spare ourselves the hurt of loved ones being sick (or so I'm told). Well, I'm actually confused by my family. My
niece was severely ill with Typhoid fever and I found out afterward. !??
Dad, heart surgery and he didn't want visitors. He says he doesn't call me or visit because he is sure I wouldn't want to focus on my being sick plus visiting
me would be boring since we can't do much....what?
None of it makes sense.
My Nephew contacted me about having a dinner party at my house. We did it once and it was a blast. I asked him if he knew how sick I was, nobody told him but they see him all the time! :-(. Nice mainly huh!
There ....is that a resentment or just flat out sadness because I feel I don't matter?
IDK

I'm glad talking here helps, it helps us too.
Hugs to you both


Helpful - 0
136956 tn?1688675680
Its funny that you mention that self centred and close minded to other peoples physical ailments. When someone tells me they are sick, headache or flu, pulled muscle, I look at them and I really dont give a flying SHI@!!!!  LOL..

I know that is bad but I have lost all sympathy especially for people that said the meanest things to me. My sister who now lives in England told me that I have ruined our family with all my complaining about my so called illnesses, get over it she said.

I wanted to go through that computer screen and give her a piece of my mind, so now when she says she is tired, has anxiety and thyroid issues I dont care. I know its bad but really, really?????  How soon she forgets about how mean she was to me. I dont forget the mean things people say.  I am not revengeful either.  I just remember.

She will never understand so I have to say to myself "Does it really matter that she will never understand what I have been through?"

The answer is NO, I have to stop expecting people to understand. FMS is foreign to people even though its been around for sure the 17yrs since I have had it. I feel like I was one of the first people to get it for crying out loud lol..

People were like "what the hell is that" Oh the hypochondriac disease....

Wow this has been the best vent day ever for me. I have been bottling this up for years LOL
Helpful - 0
553995 tn?1332018840
I think I have the best husband in the world and even he I can find fault with when I am saturated with hopelessness.
Poor guy, sometimes I want hugs sometimes I need solitude, sometimes I'm a ***** on wheels and expect him to understand it is the frustration of another day without a break from hurt and being overwhelmed by what use to be just the beginning of my day but is now all I can do.
Did you know he is not suppose to get nasty to me when I frustrate him? It isn't the....I forgot to do something frustration, it is the...You don't understand the hell I'm going through, that frustrates him. Why I snapped at you, why I can't always laugh at your jokes about me limping......yea yea, Green acres....old people joke.
Sometimes he flat out ignores me. HOW Dare he! I'm adorable, georgeous, charming, full of interesting things to share about my day LMAO.
He's just taking a break, a mini vacation from our shared crap. His timing sux, but an hour from now, something different will be.
@ Buffy, so true about when someone else aches.  I've become at times, so self centered lol that when someone who loves me but was closed minded about my symptoms had the flu, I likened it to what I deal with and told them
to have it every day for years!  A headache....have that every stinking day Mr.

One thing that gives me a break is living in the "here and now".
Nothing has to be done here and now. I am where my feet are. My mind is here. A minute ago is gone forever. All I truly have is this moment.

Now stay in it.
Nothing anyone else has in their mind needs to be in yours. That is their stuff.
Hugs



Helpful - 0
136956 tn?1688675680
yes it did. I have had conversations with my mother and I know she tries the best she can but I guess in my mind it bothers me a lot because people really dont understand what I am going through and when I am upset its not because its that time of the month its because I am in damn pain that they would never in a million years understand.

I have tried to not feel sorry for myself I really have. that is why I stopped looking into the FMS because I know its only a symptom of something more deep that they are missing and one day I will either die not knowing or it will be a miracle if they do. I have to accept that.

Thanks again for your understanding
Helpful - 0
1830047 tn?1321667793
Hang in there you guys.  Tell these friends the next time they have a foot/arm fall asleep to prove that... without relying on the fact that others have experienced it.  They have to schedule a test, show up, pay, and then listen to the doc say nothing showed up.  

Tell them to imagine they were one out of hundreds and their life depended on it.  How to prove it without the benefit of knowing how to trigger the problem during a test?  I've asked my doctor when he started to pull out the 'you're just stressed' line again.  

Yes, this is over simplifying but their lack of experience shouldn't give them the right to judge you.  If they are Christian it is wrong to judge, etc. ...

Hang in there.
Helpful - 0
553995 tn?1332018840
I honestly hear and feel your frustration and pain. I find it mind boggling to have people, who are to be the closest to us, cant hold onto how serious it is. They hear from us about our pain, the odd sensations that are so disheartening, the never ending, relentlessness of it all and see us hurting, yet they send a casual invite to the movies or in my case, this year have Christmas by my home.
Mothers who are disappointed when we didn't make an occasion because we could have at least shown up....we just had to sit there.
Yes I get it, how you feel

I can only speak for me. I too have been through this a long time ...15 years. Misdiagnosed, misjudged, judged, criticized, disappointed. The bad feelings only hurt one person, me.

Not letting narcissist's or even simply people who are not empathetic, get to us because they don't give us what we need IS hard work.

We all want to matter to others. We want them to show us we matter BUT in the way we want them to, in the way we would or the way we understand.
Truth is that we do matter to others. We just want them to be different and give it to us better because we are really hurting.
Some people stink at it, even our Moms. Mine pisses me off all the time. We could be having a "heart to heart" and she'll interupt to say something of no connection to the subject! I have to remember, she drove far to visit me that day.....she cares.
I have to avoid sugar and carbs due to yeast infection. My husband knows this, he does the grocery shopping for us now, I'm too weak. He brings home my favorite Pepperidge Farm cookies and Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  
I have to remember he is showing he cares by doing the shopping AND remembering my favorites......even though I cannot eat them. Do I wish he was to show me his love with remembering the severity of my Yeast infection HELL yea!  The goodies from him were like a bouquet of flowers.

So yes, I know your physical and mental anguish. The frustration! The alone and why bother feeling.  I. even got to the point where I liked everyone away from me, everyone including my husband. Not a soul got what I was dealing with and that was harder than being alone.
The best you can do is find good. All the bucking at people I do only makes me look like a bucking bronco.

These revelations came from two years of therapy and good people who put
up with my big mouth.

It Sounds real lame but I asked my Mom flat out WTF did you leave me to handle this or that through the years and the last real hard years of being sick. Her answer "I didn't know what to do with you".  I did not like that answer. I told her that was unacceptable. She said she only knew what she was taught. Her parents were not gems and she saw this very different from her, alive, creative child a mystery. I asked her how she could desert me when I was sick. She didn't realize. :0/. By then she was hurting. That was not the purpose of the talk.

I hope something of what I said today helped.
Helpful - 0
136956 tn?1688675680
Thanks, I really do appreciate that. Sometimes you feel like people just dont get it and the alone feeling you get is just so strong.  My own mother even after me educating her on all of this has no empathy, almost like she is a narcissist.  she really does try now, but where was she when I was 15-30? I needed my mother the most and she just left me to be in pain. I feel so much anger but I try to see past it so that I can try to heal so I am not like that towards my daughter.
Helpful - 0
553995 tn?1332018840
You not only sound like me, you do what I do and you tell my story.
I feel for you from the bottom of my heart.
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136956 tn?1688675680
I couldnt agree more. I have gone through more than 18 doctors in 17yrs and still they look at me like I am a hypochondriac. There are times I would rather end my life than to deal with another day of this torture but I have a daughter and a loving boyfriend so I couldn't do such a thing.  

I have researched all of these years looking to find the core of my illness with no help from my parents, friends or Doctors. How alone that feels.  

Go exercise that will make you feel better....If I hear someone say that to me one more time I am going to punch them in their face. LOL

I am finally going to a pain clinic and if they treat me the way I have been treated over the last 17yrs I am going to snap a friggen gasket.

How long can a person go on being rejected and rejected over and over again by doctors to feel that the only way to find a cure is to take their own life.  

Doctors should be ashamed of themselves.

My doctor now, she is nice but has not a clue about anything. I pretty much tell her where I am going and what requisitions I need done and that is that. I am not being pushed around anymore. I take my records now and collect them like I have gold in a treasure box because on each of those tests one day a doctor is going to look at it and say, "wow, there is the problem there" It is so simple yet it was missed this whole time, how could have that have happened? I research all my Ultrasounds, CT scans MRI etc,

I diagnosed myself with Stage IV endometriosis, Found the best surgeon got the referral and finally after 15yrs of doctors telling me it was just my period I felt justified......for a brief moment.....Because it doesnt change the other illnesses I have it just narrows it down to one bloody issue!!!

Anyways thanks for the vent, I needed that and no one understands around me about having to use all my sick days and vacation days on specialists every year only to be rejected and not really get a vacation.  ARGH!!!!

One day I am actually going to be pain free and have a friggen vacation! and I will be putting my finger in the air to all the people that made me feel like  I was a pathetic whiner!!!

K really I am done :)
Helpful - 0
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