Alcohol

Partner drinks 3 - 8 units each night (wine) and has gained a lot of weight, memory is fading and doctor will not give medication for a foot fungal infection due to state of liver.  I have stopped drinking to encourage him to do the same with only broken promises being made, i.e "will not drink this week," yet he still consumes 6 1/2 bottles of wine over a period of four days.  Family also concerned, what can be my next step of action?? (ps - is  not abusive or violent and only gets drunk mainly after 4 glasses)

[Beaker]

First off your partner has to want to stop drinking.  Unless he is ready to do that, all the promises in the world will be broken by him.  What you have to do at this time is to dig your heels in and stand your ground and tell him the drinking will stop now.  At that point you can decide what you might do if he doesn't stop.  At this point you need to get in touch with Alanon and get some help for yourself.  They are better equipted to tell you all you will have to deal with unless he stops his drinking  You have to look at what his drinking is doing to you, as well as himself.  Until he makes that move to go to AA on his own, you are pushing him into sneaking behind your back.  Not confronting him just enables him to continue to drink.  As far as the doctors goes, they will not do much unless he stops drinking.  I wish I had something more positive to tell you but in circumstances like these this is the only answer.  Let us know how you are doing.  Good Luck!

[Very worried wife]

I know the feelings you are going through, but please take Beaker's advice while the problem is still relatively new.

My husband drinks 16+ ounces of vodka per day ... and that is his OWN admission ... but I think it is more than that.

He also doesn't get abusive, but his excessive drinking has taken a very bad toll on our marriage.  And I have enabled it to become worse by not confronting him in a serious manner and sticking to it!!!  That definitely enabled the problem to continue.

I have offered to go with him to AA, to marriage counseling, to doctors ... but I left it up to him to make the calls ... he hasn't done it yet ... and it's been over 3 years.

[Very worried wife]

Let me add one more thing ...  even though he is not physically abusive, you will find how emotionally abusive this situation will become when he keeps making false promises.  

The more they drink, the more dimented their brains get ... and it becomes almost impossible to have a conversation with them.  They perceive things that are said which weren't ... and vice versa ... everything gets turned around.

Please confront him immediately, and stick to it.

[Michelle79]

Thanks for your comments.

[Very worried wife]

I meant to ask you ...

When you mentioned the doctor won't give your partner medication for a fungal infection ... did he have liver function tests done?