47 year old brother with stomach cancer

[aswest]

I have a 47 year old brother who was just diagnosed with stomach cancer.  He had his entire stomach removed because it was filled with adenocarcinoma, a very agressive cancer.  The cancer was in Stage IV and has spread to his lymph nodes.  The doctors have told us that he has anywhere from 6 months to a year to live.  We are all just devastated by the news.  I learned today that his esophagus is leaking, so looks like he'll be headed for a feeding tube.  I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has dealt with "terminal" stomach cancer.  We've been told that my brother isn't a candidate for chemo. or radiation.  In fact, the surgeon said if my brother wasn't so young, he would have gone ahead and put in a feeding tube and sent him home to die.  He removed his stomach to buy him some time.  I like to believe there's always hope.  Also, does anyone know if I and my other brother should be screened for stomach cancer?  This is the first case in our family.  Any thoughts on what causes it?  My brother has always been a heavy smoker and he works in an aluminum plant.  Thanks.

[Lynn28]

I'm truly sorry to hear about your brother. The best advice I could offer is that if you smoke, please stop. Smoking is the number on killer of the digestive system. It's extremely harmful on the entire GI track. Also, alcohol will do the same. I would also make a visit with a GI doctor to talk with him about your own concerns and perhaps a check up. Anytime cancer is found in the family, a doctors visit for a complete check-up is always a good idea. Good luck to you and your brother and your entire family.
-Jenn

[Breesy]

There is a time and place to tout rejections about smoking, but this is not the time or the place.

Just be there for him.  As hard as it is for you, your family and loved ones, it is not near as hard as it is for your brother.  Please talk about death to him.  Hospice is a God-Send, please call them and welcome them into your life at this time. They will help you through the process and stay with you after. If you can keep him at home as opposed to the hospital, please, PLEASE do so!  I can't stress that enough!  No one will care for him as well as those who love him, medical training or not.

I wish I could offer you hope of recovery, but I have a feeling that the time has past, though you already know the answer to that...it lies within your intuition.  Sometimes, hard as it is, it's ok to put ourselves and our lives aside for the ones we love. The payoff in the long run you will come to understand.

How do I know?  I have been through it 3 times.  I have been the caretaker for my father, my sister and my mother, so I am sadly an expert of sorts?  I will be 32 years old this June, way too soon in my book to be an orphan!  

Saying goodbye to my mom was the hardest of all, but she gave me a gift.  Before she took her last breath, which people say doesn't count because they're already dead they say...she took my hand and her last words were, right after she said, "I love you, were, "I never knew beauty, until now."  And she was gone.

I was so lucky because before she left, she gave me a brief glimpse of the other side! If you could have seen her cancer diseased body and pain ridden eyes light up at that moment like I did, then you would know that we all have something spectacular to look forward too!

One more thing, since you don't know me.  I climbed on the bed with her......I felt her spirit lift off the bed!  Tears come down as I write this.  There is no such thing as death!  Thanks mom for teaching me that...and I hope other's hear me too!  SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!

[auntfufu]

Hello,  I am truly feeling your pain.  I handed my mother over to God last June.  She suffered many years.  When I was 15 she had her first brain tumor removed and I am 37 now.  I believe everyone has to handle these things diferently.  For the last three years I cared for my mother, and those three years are the most presious to me.  I became so close to mom.  I didn't live with her, but when I wasn't there and she needed me, I just knew.  One of the nurses said that we were so connected that we knew what each other were thinking without even talking.  My prayer is that you will get close to your brother like that.  It is truly God tugging at your heart, but I did like the nurses explenation.
Always be there for him, and don't wait till the end to ask him if he is ready to go live with God.  Make sure his heart is right with God now.  Then when the time comes, you just hand him to God to take care of until you will be with him again.  You don't have to say goodby.  I will pray for you.

[Romy]

Hi,

I am truly sorry about your brother having stomach cancer.  Stomach cancer, unfortunately, is often diagnosed very late - and it is a tough cancer to beat.  I know - I lost my Mom to it 4 years ago.  My advice - spend as much quality time as you can with your brother.  My Mom became very weak at the end (she could not eat anymore and did not want to anyway), so use the precious time while he has energy to share.  And to all the other wonderful people who replied here - I too was able to experience my Mom's spirit after she died - she is truly "alive" just somewhere else.

As for yourself, it does not hurt to endoscopy done.  My doc wants to do one on me every 3 or so years, because I have stomach cancer all over my family, my Mom, grandmother on Father's side, my great grandmother, etc. etc.  At least 5 cases.  Most people say it is not inherited, I don't know.  

Best wishes,

Romy

[KDP]

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