question re: rash

[sophster]

as stated below, my mother has end-stage liver disease. i have been told she now has a terrible rash all over her body. the doctors are going to do i biopsy on it. does anyone know what causes this rash and is it just another sign that the end is near? her memory is still intact and does communicate with people. for those of you who don't know, my mother has a directive in her medical chart not to give me any info nor does she want to see me. my doctor has been wonderful and told me from what she has read in the hospital notes, she believes my mother probably has 1 month left. any info would greatly be appreciated. does the rash mean anything? does your mind have to go before the end is near? i am desperate for any info on how you know the end is near. i am not taking this very well. i have to rely on the few people who see her and they contact me w/o her knowing.

thank you for any info

[imkindly]

A "rash" could mean several different things.

Purple dots and splotches could be "purpura".

Pink dots (tiny broken spider veins) could be "spider nevi" or "spider angiomas" or "telangiectasias"

Either of those would be likely in liver disease.

Has anyone told you if your mother is taking LACTULOSE?
Lactulose will help to keep her mind clear.
Neomycin is sometimes used instead of Lactulose.
(And sometimes a combination of the two).

So, the answer to your question >>>> "does your mind have to go before the end is near?" <<<< is NO.

If she is taking Lactulose, or Neomycin, (or both), she could possibly keep a clear head.

Do you know if your mother has ascites (abdomen swollen up----large "pot belly"----looks "pregnant")?

[karizmaflip]

no your mind does not have to go when the end is near, but it is a sign of the end.

[sophster]

thanks for answering again. i have no idea if she is taking lactulose. i do know that she has ascites and has had to have her stomach tapped at least twice-once was this past monday when she went back into the hospital.  the main thing people comment on is her color.- that yellow/green look throughout her body.

i tell you, this is so very difficult as i know it is with all of you. i just find it extra difficult because i have no siblings nor does she want to see me under any circumstances. maybe that will change though. i just don't know how to plan a funeral when i don't know what her final wishes are as to where she wants to be buried. it's either with my father or her mother. she has changed her mind in the past. i also don't know if she has any life insurance so i don't know how i could pay for a funeral without the knowledge of life insurance. we don't have alot of money.

my doctor says she has about 1 month due to seeing all her labs and reading the reports. it's hard to prepare though because the people that have seen her say she is far from being in a "comatose" state. it's hard just waiting for the phone to ring to get an update by some wonderful friend of hers who is keeping me informed.

ok, i'm sorry to be rambling. thanks for helping. it is comforting.

[imkindly]

I'm trying to think of suggestions to help you, and it's really pretty hard. I'm not sure what I would do in your shoes.
Please take this in the spirit it's intended.
Here are some "maybes"....

Maybe you could write your mother a short note, telling her that you'd really love to see her, and would it please be alright if you stopped by for a short visit.
(Don't mention death. Don't mention funerals. Don't mention anything sad like that.)
If she does let you see her, don't mention the above. Keep it light. All about how glad you are to see her.
If SHE brings up the subject of death or funerals...ok. But don't make her think that you are interested in death and funerals.

Maybe you could get one of HER friends to invite you along on a visit to her. Walk in the door with her friend.....say that you just wanted to see her.
Don't mention death or funerals.
If it all gets upsetting, apologize and leave.


I'm saying this because I know what it's like to live with someone who is very very ill.
Things that were important before (old fueds, old fights), lose importance (for most people) when they're gravely ill.
At the same time, they may become very depressed and tell themselves "no one cares".
They don't want stress, they don't want to fight.

IF (and I certainly don't know your mother, so I can't say how she feels)----but IF she is sitting there, not wanting to fight, but depressed and perhaps thinking no one cares......
You might (MIGHT) be able to visit her with better results than you expect.

Hope I didn't "over-step" here. (Sorry)

[sophster]

no you did not over step at all. i really appreicate your thoughts. my mother is not like any other. she is stubborn and will hold a grudge forever. she has alienated everyone close to her. she has never once said she is sorry for anything. she's a tough cookie who blames everyone else for her problems. she is also a manic-depressive. the last time i spoke with her she said terrible things about me including she wishes i were never born.

as much as i would like to go to the hospital and see her, i can't unless she asks. she has done quite a bit of psycholgical damage to me over the years and i really can't handle hearing it one more time from her death bed. i know deep down inside she does love me but that is not an easy word for her. i am hoping when the time comes where she knows the end is near she will ask for me. if she doesn't than i can accept it. i have been speaking with the sisters at my church and they have been wonderful.. they have gone and seen her and are planning to visit again.

my mother has suffered her whole life. she needs to be at peace, something she has never had because of all the "demons" surrounding her.

thanks again for all your help and plz know you are in my prayers.

kathy