I'm very angry, very unwilling to be friends with my parents

[gomemi]

So, lately, I've been very unable to cope with my parents. They seem to try to tell me that the way i live is wrong, and that anything I do or say is wrong and rude... and then I scream and curse them away! I litteraly wwish they would be away from me, or me away from them! I have always kept a foot at the door with them, they know that I'm quick at making decisions, but when I make decisions I'm kinda aware of what's coming up? or what I might at the result,.. so that's why I initially do things, only if it benefits me.... but then they say that I'm rude and almost stupid, because I get angry when they disagree with me, and that's all the time! So I'm kinda fed up with their negativity and I push them away, and more I push them away, more annoying they get. Like I'm 21 for crying out loud, I am a male, I should and deserv the right to be on my own 2 feet, and they should make me feel like I could be able to do it. They shouldn't try to make me feel like a baby, or a 15-16 year old again? Primarily the problem I have towards them, is the mistrust (and I really have nothing to hide from them), they don't trust me, (I consider myself as a free spirit, so i love travelling, meeting new people, being and wanting to be happy, and people make me happy, it makes me look back at myself and try to change some traits I find ugly and try to enter theses people's emotion into my character and become someone more willing. So I do enjoy having conversations and understanding where people come from), but everytime I walk inside the house, my parents are nagging, saying i dont do much, that I'm a f-ing loser, or a no one. And then they try and give me affectiong by buying me stuff. they bought me a car, and yet I've never been in an accident, Inever blew up the engine or anything... but as soon as I speak my point out to them, they see it as a threat, and then we argue. They take the car away from me, they tell me not to eat their food, and all sort of stuff, and then I reply back, or lately I've been saying, "Im not gonna argue with you, I know you want me to scream, but you just won't get it out of me!" and ive been saying this one alot now too, "This is really none of your business, let me do it, and don't get into my life anymore". But this behaviour is really setting ourselves apart in the house and everything, I am moving out in 3 weeks, but I don't want to leave hating them, the way I do now? It's frustrating in my side, but I mean, I feel like I have to do that, for them to let me go. It might be hard for them to do it, but it's really making us hate eachother. And I really don't know what else I can do, I've tried all ways I believe, nice, mean, yelling, calm, etc... and we still hit heads. I don't get along with my dad alot, and now my mother is starting to get on my nerves. They don't understand, and Ive tried to let them understand that... I just came back from Brazil, I've been searching for a job in the past month, I am applying at many places, I have been way more healthy and quit smoking cigarettes, and I have been helping out in the house, making dinner, cleaning the house, not spending alot of money, nor going out every weekend, but It just seems like it isnt good enough for them, and its too hard to reach their standards... I mean, I am so fed up! I can't stand them anymore, and I need help on this one, I am becoming meaner and meaner for not having any support for them on this difficult time, so then I use my lines, "let me handle, don't bother me" because they dont have anything good to say, they state psychological theories that I can get a job... about my character, because of something I did, or because I should of taken something out from the resume.... but I mean.. i don't feel this way, its almost about luck, for someone to open your resume, and want to interview you or hire you? They always blame me for the past, because i was a very disobedient teenager, and rebel ish... So i don't know how to carry forward anymore... its not like theres a reset button to make them re-new. or clear their head. There's just no way to make them understand things, it's their way or their way. Thats it. Their not very old.... thats the thing i dont understand, they shouldnt be so pessimistic about life and make me have a pessimistic way of seeing life, I tell them that. I make them want to go adventure. But their stuck to their routine of working and not having fun. And thats starting to bother me alot! Since they dont allow me to live my life, and tell me that living my life is bad.,.. WTF? Mom is 47 and my dad is 56.. theyre not old, theyr not fat, and theyr not having bad health... So whats their problem?!

[alltomuch]

Hello!  Hearing you tell of yourself makes me think of my own children.  I have 6 of them!  Please rest assured that what you and your parents are going through is pretty normal and as long as there is no psysical violence.. take it all in, and try to understand that the dynamics at work here are to be expected.  You see, you being a young person, wanting to be on your own, making your own decissions, coming and going when and where you want to and all those things you have control over when you are on your own...and your parents being older, not 'old' , but older than you, and YOUR parents... they are used to telling you what you can do and what you can't do.  You want to be on your own, but can't at this point, one part of you wants to be away from them and another part wants to stay there.  It is a hard place to be.  Your parents want to know that you will be ok when you are on your own, they worry that you will not be healthy, or not have a job that will make it so that you can afford food and shelter.  They worry that you may be so trusting and nice to the wrong person and you may get hurt.  They have parent's fears, and they have every right to have.  They raised your for 21 years!  It is hard for a parent to have their child move out on their own.  The parent thinks in some ways that the child can't make it without them.  They are afraid because they cannot be there to protect you as they have for many years.  They don't know if you are safe and sound sitting at your new home, or lying in a ditch somewhere dying!  When the phone rings late at night and you are there.. not a big deal, but once you move out and that phone rings late at night PANIC sets in until they know it's not a call informing them that you are in trouble, or hurt in the  hospital, or dead!!  Parents feel at a loss when their child wants to pull away from them sometimes.  Children sometimes feel guilty for wanting or planning on leaving their parents!  A lot of times trouble between parents and their young adult children stem from the feelings of helplessness, or the fear that they failed to teach as the parent, or learn as the child.  Do you follow me so far?  Sure it is painful for a parent to watch one of their children leave their safe home.  It is bittersweet, they are happy that you are able too and at the same time they are feeling a loss!  You want to be on your own, that is great.. it is what you are supposed to be feeling and wanting.  Being on your own is very hard in this day and age.  If I were you, I would get a book on the parents views, thoughts and feelings about their children growing up and leaving the nest so to speak, and get one for them about the things that go on in a young persons head weather they are aware of them or not when he/she wants to be out on their own.  There are so many issues that you don't even realize that go on during this time of your lives.  Your parents might not realize they have some of the feelings they are having, they may be wanting the same things you want, but not know how this transition should happen?  They want you to be happy and at the same time they are afraid for you.  It is a very confusing time for a family when the time comes for the child to move out.  I am glad to hear that you are helpful around your parents house!  This is important!  Always remember tho... this IS your PARENTS house, and you should ALWAYS respect their rules and regulations as you have been taught, it is a sign of maturity!   I would also suggest that you try to put yourself in their shoes.. take a step back and look at yourself through their eyes.  What do you think YOU woulld think?  Would you feel sure that you did your job well as the parent?  Would you feel fear? Sadness? At the same time would you feel proud of you??  
Are you the oldest child?  An only child?  This will make it worse for the parents.  Trust me when I say that it will all work out fine after awhile.  It WILL take some time, but if you all try and talk about all the feelings behind actions... this may work out better than you ever thought!  
If your parents didn't get on your nerves at this point in your life.. I would be surprised!  Once you are on your own and your parents see that your not going to go over board with drinking and taking chances with your life, and they see that you are working and being responsible.. they will relax and you will all get along better!  This is all temporary.  Hopefully, and I bet that you will become best friends soon after you are on your own and trying to be the best person you can be.  This is when a parent finds out if they did a good job raising you!!!  We as parents try to do the best we can, but we are afraid that we might not have done the best, or the right things... but once we see that our children are doing well on their own... we settle down a lot!!!  
Oh, about the situation of telling your parents about your dad's best friend... did you tell them to get it off your shoulders... or did you tell them because inside you knew it would be a hurtful, spitful thing that would make you feel like you were getting even for what you are feeling when they try to control you so much??  If I were you, I would at your age, take these kinds of things that may be hurtful to your parents to someone else to get them off your shoulders... a friend, a mental health professional or even write them down on a piece of paper, think them over, and then rip up the paper and throw it away right along with whatever the problem was and leave it in the trash!!  It really works well!!  If the things you are telling your parents are going to hurt them (they probably feel responsible for what happened in one way or another, and they feel awful for you and the fact that they were not there protecting you) anyway, if it may be hurtful to them.... deal with it in an adult way, and don't burden them now.. there is nothing they can do about it now.  Really.... not a thing.  
Good luck!!!  Let me know how things are going from time to time and maybe I can help out.  Oh, by the way, I have had 3 of my children move out so far, and have 3 more to go!!  It is hard to watch them leave the nest.  It is sad and happy at the same time!  Scary and exciting too!  As a parent your proud at the same time feel so sad!!  So many emotions to deal with for everyone involved.  It's no wonder there is tension in the air!!!  It's all good tho!!!!   Know that if they didn't love you so much... they really wouldn't care what you did or didn't do!!!  Be thankful that you have two loving parents and just be patient.  This too shall pass my friend!!

Take Care!!

[gomemi]

Hey guys, thanks for the coments. Im sorry for what you, brittany, has gone through. I cannot ever imagine my mother dying. I love my mom to death. But I, today, had the biggest incident of my life! I told them I was molested by my dad's "best friend" when i was younger! I kept this a secret from them since I was 13 years old. I'm very scared of what might happen. They are saying they're gonna go back to Brazil, thats where we're from. And they're giving up all hope. I really think I should do something, talk to a pshychiatrist or something.. I tried to calm them down, and well i told them, that was something i carried throughout high school and college, and now I wanna move on with my life and wish they do the same. But my dad, since he does not accept things easly, and i wassent hoping they would of, thats why i kept a secret for so long, well now im unsure he will use my word of advice.... so Im scared he does something crazy... :S .... Im glad tho I said it, its taken the burden off my shoulder, but I hope the burden won't get on their back now... so What should I say or do my friends? I dont know what to do....

[bstevenson]

i think you should really try to work this out with your parents because you never know when there time is to go.see my mom is on drugs and i haven't seen her in 5yrs and my dad gave me up to cps because i was too much like my mom. my dad has 2 more daughters and a son by his new wife and he started a new family and left me and my mom behind and my mom left me too. my moms side of the family hates me and none of them have ever went to high school. my dads side of family is to stuck up to take me and none of them went to college. i'm about to be 18 and after i get out cps i won't have anyone.i'm not tryin to say what they are doing is right but just be glad they are still there for you and alot of parents don't agree with what their kids do but once you show them you can do it, then sooner or later they will accept it....brittany

[gomemi]

after the psychological theories..."that I CAN'T get a job"