3 losts in 1 year...

Hi... İ lost my father las year, he had a heard attack. İt was a real shock he was 61 and healthy, active...
Than i lost my grantmother and grantfather within 1 month.
My grantmother was more than a mother for me. İ loved her so much... We had our contact via phone since she was in Germany and i in Turkey. Yes she was old and sick, i know but it's so hard without her.... We was the only person who really loved me.... And the worst part is that my mother agreed to burn her body! İ can't get over this. İ know it meens nothing but i know my grandmother didn't wanted it. So im angry and feel so bad about this....
As my grandfather (my fathers father) died i felt that my father is now more death? Thats also very strange and sad...
Last month i was in Germany for a work trip. Normally i was feeling ao good there (at home and happy) but this time all the good feelings were gone! After that trip i felt in a deep depression althow i was on meds...... İts so hard...