Alone, Lost Only Support My Mother who was my best and only friend

How do I not be soooo sad.  I lost my mother suddenly although she had some health issues for which i was also her caretaker for 3 years, she was my only and best friend.  I spent every day with her, all day until it was time for bed then I would go home to my one room studio to sleep and watch tv until the next day.  I came to her apartment to find her on the floor one day she had emergency surgery from which she never woke up.  I do have five younger sisters and father and stepmother however 4 sisters live in other states and one lives here as does father and stepmother.  The relationship is not close like I wish it could be with my family.  I have no one to talk to, no friends am single with no children and aged 52.  I go to Alanon meetings just to have some face to face interaction not for the reasons one would normally go to those type of meetings.  I just don't have any friends and no social life to fall back on.  It is a very sad place although the family moved me into an apartment to have someplace to put most of mom's furniture the other girl's didn't need we only had 13 days to move her apartment.  I know it's alot of information but i'm hoping for some advice based on the facts because this cannot go on.  I am scheduled for therapy but that is not how  to live life alone.  Any help is appreciated other than church how do i get up and do this again and again?  I miss her so much.  I miss me too.

[AnnieBrooke]

I'm sure sorry that your mother passed, who meant the world to you.  

I noticed on your profile that you are interested in getting thin again, if you like groups (i.e., you mentioned that you go to Al-Anon for the companionship), why don't you combine the two things and go to Weight Watchers?  Their meetings are friendly and helpful in so many ways.  You might even make friends with people there who have a walking group that gets together on a regular schedule.  One thing that helps a lot with loneliness and depression is exercise, even just walking.  The malls where I live often have early-morning walking groups (inside the mall) and that would be another place.

[peggys1103]

Wow, to think this is the first type of internet interaction i have ever used even prior to my sadness, I don't go on any of those sites, blog, tickle OR whatever it is and along comes Annie with a brilliant suggestion.  I truely would not have thought of that.  I want to thank you so much for no 1 your prompt reply (I wasn't hopeful) and no. 2 and most important I just smiled when I read your suggestion.  I don't know that it is the end all but I do KNOW it truely is a start I am unable to come up with on my own at this point.  Now i'm tearing up from hope.  Thank you Annie

[AnnieBrooke]

Hi, Peggy,

Thank you for the wonderful compliment.  My husband has had excellent results with Weight Watchers, and it is especially good because the meetings are so friendly and helpful.  Like you said about going to Al-Anon meetings for the company, I could see someone dropping into a Weight Watchers meeting just for the fun and interesting conversation.  And one step (like going to one meeting) is enough to lead to just one more, and just one more, and pretty soon things branch out and you have people you look forward to seeing, and maybe a new group that walks together, and things like that.  Sometimes when we're sad, it's that first step that matter, because you are fighting inertia.  (A friend of mine once said "When we're home we don't want to go out, and when we're out we don't want to go home.")  There is a whole lot in any community to put your energy into ... after stepping out a little, some of it might become more obvious.  Volunteers are needed everywhere.  Take the first steps, and you'll see how much easier the next ones will be.

Good luck, sweetheart.

(((HUGS)))

Annie

[peggys1103]

Thank you again Annie.  I've never reached out for help before and any suggestions do more than you know.  Or judging from your support you do know.  I start going to a therapist on Wednesday.  Add that to a some effort by me, it seems so hard to take that first step and all you say will follow i am sure.  Just seeing a comment from someone, especially as kind as you helps.  Take care and we'll see how things progress one minute at a time.  Peg

[ku111]

How lucky your mom was to have you!  You sound like a caring and dedicated caretaker and friend to her!  Talking of groups (Weight Watchers is wonderful) and you could always volunteer at a hospital.  Those volunteers are a close group of people.  So sorry for your loss!  Please let us know how you do in your new and exciting endeavors.  We are always here.

[AHP84]

I'm really sorry for your loss. I recently lost my mom too, back at the end of March. She was also my one and only best friend (besides my husband, but as far as female companionship, she was always my lifelong best friend). I've been struggling a lot since her death, also getting counseling to learn ways of coping and to keep the motivation to get through the next day. It is unbearably hard and painful. This is the worst pain I've ever been through in my life.
Annie made some great suggestions. I was going to let you know some of the things my mom did, since she was basically your age (she was 55)--maybe you'd find some pleasure also in the things that she enjoyed. If you like art, sign up for an art class. My mom did lots of drawing and painting, and I'm so thankful for the friends she made in her little group there who inspired her to paint some of the most beautiful portraits before she passed away--they will be priceless keepsakes for my sister and me.
She also loved horseback riding and did a lot of interaction and volunteering at the stable where she kept her horse. Maybe you could volunteer at a local shelter if you like animals?
I hope you find peace and happiness soon. I know how painful and difficult it is to move on after losing your mom when she was someone who was that close to you. If you ever want to talk to someone in the same boat, feel free to send me a message anytime.

[abby51]

When my mom passed away (3 years ago this month) I found a support group that met at a park to go walking. It was arranged through one of the local funeral homes and was meant to offer grief support, exercise which can be important at a time such as this, and friendship. I did not go often but it was nice to meet people who understood and it also helped because everyone was welcoming. What I noticed is that everyone talked about their hobbies, what they were interested in and other things that seemed to for a short time anyways, be a bit of a distraction. Perhaps a group something such as that would be beneficial as well.