Breat or bottle?PLEASE READ FIRST!

[maoriprincess]

I have 3 kids...my son aged 4 yrs...my daughter aged 2 1/2 years and my new edition...I just had my baby girl 6 weeks ago and as you do when sharing a drive way ..you get to know your neighbours...and show off your baby and chat etc...well at the back there is and Indian couple and their 6 year old son...the wife was due 2 weeks ago and was getting induced on friday...she went in on thursday for a check up and everything was fine baby was well...sadly when she went in at 9am friday morning baby had no hearbeat :-(...she gave birth normally on friday to a baby boy weighing 3kgs and was 52cm...the midwife had left baby in to long and baby couldn't handle it :-( i feel so so so so terrible i cant even begin to imagin what she is going through...it was just a few days ago i was taking my kids to kindy when she was up the drive way saying she couldn't wait to have baby and rubbing her belly and looking at my baby :-(...at the moment im kind of trying to race out of the house to either get in the car or walk my kids to kindy in the hopes she wont see baby...her husband said its alright (my mum seen him up the drive and was talking to him) and it probably is but i don't want to cause any more grief then there already is :-( ...my mum said she doesn't even know what to say to him and he sadly said its fine that he understands and that and he was saying why didnt the midwife do anything sooner? why did she let it go so long?...(sadly in this stupid country their is nothing you can do about the midwife!!!!...so i feel they basically are getting away with murder!!! how many more did this midwife just leave till she was ready? how many more poor peple are without their babies because of it?...grrr it makes me so mad...how many more will it happen to....and nothing will happen to her!!! that is so wrong i think....that poor ladys baby died because she took to long and there is nothing she can do about it!!! )

yesterday was my 22nd birthday and i got my kids ready to take them to the park for the day and as i was loading the car her family all filled the street in cars and 1 4wd reversed down the drive with her husband he son and some other men in the car ...and at the back was babies coffin !!!..i don't know them that well they not long moved in but i burst into tears as i think any mother would...it was horrible i felt so sad for her i went to the sliding door as my baby was crying and i didnt want her to hear that and i could hear her crying which made me cry more

i have no idea what to say to them but i don't want to not say anything either. what do you's think i should do?

[marialou]

hi,id just like to say that from simply reading a little bit about you,in one way you come across such a strong level headed young woman with a family and in the next how much you care for others.that is such a rare quality to have..what happened to your neighbour is so sad beyond belief..i,like so many others on this website and basically in the world have lost children,it happens and life isnt fair one bit. but i honestly dont think anyone that has lost a child begrudges those that do have healthy children and wishes them nothing but happiness for them and there family. as awkward as it may seem at the momment,seeing people happy and families happy helps.it helps me because thats what i want. to be happy. its not your fault what happened. by gradually showing kindness and support will help more than not being able to face them.best of luck hun,you seem like such a nice person

[SoCalTricia]

There is nothing you can say. Just be there for her - and remain sensitive about having your baby around her. My 2-month-old son died in September 2009. My neighbor across the street was due the same day as me. It is still painful to see her son, and know that mine would be just a few weeks older than hers. Her husband probably is underestimating her grief...just check in on her periodically. If you see her family nearby, encourage them to continue checking on her. My worst time was about three months after my son's death...when the numbness faded and reality set in. And from then until about a month ago, I was extremely depressed, and went through the days on "auto pilot." Of course, after the first month is when people fade away...and that's when we need them most. Maybe buy her a couple books on grieving. And encourage her to write a journal. Those things helped me.

[mammo]

Visit your neighbor when you can leave your baby at home.  Tell her you know there are no words to comfort her, and that your heart just aches for her, and her husband. This is a very sad situation and there is no greater loss than that of a child. But you have to live your life and keep your children's life normal thru all this.  I think it's wonderful that you care so much, and just letting her know that if she ever wants to talk, you are there for her.  I lost a son and truly, there are no words of comfort but it was good to know that others cared.  Just offer to be there for her, this means an awful lot.  Take care.