Daughter dealing with grief

[partyhatunicorn]

My 12 year old daughter has a 13 year old friend who has a brain tumor and leukemia. She is giving up on treatment. My daughter has hardly stopped crying since she heard the news, almost a week ago. I have tried telling her that her friend is not dead yet, but it isn't working. We are not religious. How can I comfort my daughter?

[socgirl]

First, you can validate the pain she's feeling, as i'm sure you've done.  Let her know it's ok to feel sad about this situation.  Let her have her moment to grieve.  Though her friend is not dead yet, it doesn't look good since she's not contiuing with treatment.  It's important to be realistic about the possible and most likely outcome of all of this.  Also, maybe try finding a way to help her understand her friend's decision and her families decision.  I'm sure she doesn't want her friend tobe in pain.  Perhaps her friends parent(s) and her friend can help you talk to her about this.  There really isn't an easy solution to this and she's going to feel sad for awhile.  Maybe help her realize she can best help her friend by being there for her now, remembering the good times they've shared together, etc. Just because her friend is dying doesn't mean their friendship is dying.  I hope this helps somewhat, but unfortunately, until the schock of everything happening diminishes a little, there may be little you can do to comfort her about the situation.  Just be there for her and let her know it's ok to cry and be sad.

[psychogirlfrog]

I have found working with kids that when something like this happens they really feel powerless and its these feelings that are hard to deal with.

I would try to find something to help your daughter empower her feelings. Could it be writing in a journal? Doing Collages? Writing stories? Writing letters to her friend? Planting flowers, making jewlery, Volunteering somewhere?

This is going to be hard time for her and I agree with the other posters about validating her feelings. She will learn about grief from you and how you interact with her.

Usually as children they have little experience with death unless a household pet dies or even a grandparent. But, lets face it. Kids believe that Grandparents are old and they are going to die first. Noone believes that a young kid will die becaue that is not fair.

Counseling could be a great step in helping you and your daughter. It could help you find ways to help your daughter deal with her grieving.

Good luck.