Dont know what to do

[mitzi459]

Hi. I lost my son 3 months ago to a ATV accident. i have been so upset about this. he wasnt but 16  years old. im taking this so hard. im not on medacation, i choose not to be put on it. but my days are so very hard. me and my son were always with each other. we done everything together . i mean we were around each other all the time. my son did not have enough credits to complete school so i signed him out which he was around me 24/7. and now i dont have him in my life. we were so close to one another. my son had medical problems so he had to go to the doctor's alot which made us closer. i dont know what to do. plus my son died on my early birthday party and burried him on my real birthday. plus we had just moved into our new house 1 week before the accident happen. he only had 1 week at this new house. and it happen right behind the house. i can look out my sliding glass doors and there's where it happen. my life has been a nightmare. i cant understand why this had to happen to me. but i just dont know what to do. he was my whole life, he was everything to me. he was our child too. could you please give me some advise thank you

[suzi-q]

I am so sorry for your loss.  The only thing that I can say is to take it one day at a time.  It is still so new and so raw.  You need time...lots of time to grieve and heal.  I do suggest counseling.  I went to grief counseling when my parents passed.  I was with a group of adults who also lost parents.  I found it to be avery comforting experience to be with those who have gone through the same as me.  I didn't feel so alone.  I suggest you find a group that focuses on losing children.  It will be very beneficial....may God bless you as you heal...So very sorry.

[Mikeinthesouth]

I am so sorry to hear this and want to send my condolances. I lost my sister three years ago and last week lost my step brother whom I had been raised with since I was 9 years old and my grandmother two days apart. I know the pain of my sister passing and it has changed all and have seen what my Mother is dealing with so I can try to undertsand a bit as I have not thank the good lord that I have not felt the pain of a child and pray I don't. I know it is not fair and will pray for you all... Michael

[jml1986]

I have written this several times on this forum, but I will tell you how I felt when my dad died. I hope it will bring you a little peace
  It was May 19,1999, when my mom called and told me dad had passed away. I can remember everything that day as if it just happened. Because on that day, I went from being a 3 yr old woman to a 4 yr old little girl that just wanted her daddy back. I knew that day that the normal I knew would be gone forever and when the time came for things to go back to normal, I would have to learn a new one. My life went from being a life by dates on a calender, to being before dad died or after dad died.
  There were so many people that would tell me that time would make it better, but at that point in time, I didn't want to hear anything. Don't ask me how I am doing, because I suck, and I am okay with that. Don't tell me at least he is not suffering and that he is in a better place, because he was in the best place ever when he was here with us. Don't get me wrong, I know that they were trying to help, but at that point and time I didn't want help, I wanted my dad.
  I learned, that going through the death and the funeral was the easy part. Little did I know that living without him was way harder then his dying. After the funeral you see everyone going on with their lives, and I just did not understand how they could go on with their lives when I was dying inside. I also felt like a leper, because noone wants to talk to you about it for fear you may start crying, and my thought was so what if I start crying, I need to talk about him, I need to feel like he is still a part of my life. I remember feeling so alone in a crowd.
  Now there is my family. My husband would say I understand your are hurting, I miss your dad too. I wanted to just rip his vocal cords out, because he had no clue how I was hurting. You need to be strong for your mom and your kids, man those words angered me. How can I be strong when I am hurting so bad. I just needed noone to need me for the first time in my life.
  Showers became my best friend. Why? Because in there noone needed me and I could sob without anyone hearing me, and because you come out of a shower with red eyes, so noone knew when I was just showering or when I was crying.
  Once I did get back into the real world, I thought okay, I have to move on. Reality was, that moving on was much harder then I thought it would be. It was on my mind day and night for 2 years. Then one day came and at the end of the day, that I had not thought of my dad all day. Thus started a guilt cycle. How could I go all day without thinking of my dad when he was laying in that grave. Little did I know then that I had reach the healing stage. No, I will never totally heal, because my heart has a hole in it that noone can fill, but I am going on, and I don't know how it happened, but it did.
  So, please know that someone knows you are hurting, and I am here if you need to talk. Take care.

[jml1986]

First let me say that I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine to know what you are feeling. Second let me say that you have a right to still be grieving. There is no time line for grief, so three months is really nothing. I have posted several times on this site how I felt when I lost my dad. Maybe I will go back and find it so I can post it for you. I know that it is not the same as losing a child, but you may be able to related to some of the feelings I had. As for advice that I could give you, try not to focus on that one day that he died, when you have so many days that he lived that you could be remembering. My heart goes out to you, and if you need someone to talk to, I am here.