I am a nurse also and jrobertson20 hit the nail on the head that we are taught to not build an emotional connection with the patients who will die as a defense mechanism. As you know we usually don't connect as a survival mechanism. I was an ER nurse for 10yrs and as you can imagine have seen it all and supressed so much within also as a saftey mechanism to continue to survive the job until my daughter passed away from SIDS. I felt all the feelings you described in your post(which is all very normal to feel that way) and jroberts said it right you have to alow yourself to grieve, let it out or it will eat you up from the inside out.
Last year I lost my father and my family looked to me for all the medical answers and I too thought I had to be strong for everyone and forgot to grieve and again all the stuff came to the surface from all the ER years and losing my daughter. Seek proffessional help if you have to it's healthy. I wish you all the best.
Kevin
I am a nurse as well and I know we are taught to not get attached to patients. You were trained that way and so it's hard for you to think any other way. As a nurse you see so many sick people which makes it hard when one dies and you learn how to build a wall. The only thing I can say is that it's normal to become attached to people. It's normal to cry when a patient dies and it's actually healthy. You need to grieve and you taught yourself how to not grieve. I know you loved your sister and your dad and you need to grieve them because I don't think you ever did. I know in the nursing role it's hard to step back and be a family member but you NEED to do this. Even if it takes going to see a therapist to help you grieve you must do it to move on. Good luck and I hope you get the help you need.
I think we tend to want to block out those things we cant handle mentally,but in reality they will surface at some time even if it is much later.My belief is that everyone is different & it is very normal for some.I also lost my mother & sister to cancer & the memories of the suffering is more than I can bear so I to try to block them from my mind as best I can.I really cant deal with those memories they hurt to much.
Don't know how "normal" or common it is; but, some people do handle shock and grief that way. And, I believe that it's a psychological survival mechanism that is similar, although, not exactly like suppression. To the observer, it can appear as being aloof and insensitive, when in actuality... it's composure under stress with the emotions going through a sort of "shutdown" mode.
I was that way for years after the man, who I was in love with, died unexpectedly of a massive heart attack. Then, one day I heard a song on the car radio that reminded me of him... and, I totally lost it!