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First anniversary and my birthday...ugh
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First anniversary and my birthday...ugh

I fear what is coming.  My mother passed away a year ago June 24th, two days after my and my husband's birthdays (same day, June 22nd). It feels like it was last month, not last year.  I am not doing very well getting over it.  If it was just my birthday, I wouldn't mind so much but I don't want to ruin his, too.  I don't know how to celebrate when I know I will be a mess this week.  I still cry very easily and there is no stopping it.  It doesn't help that I am not happy with the rest of my life right now, either, and have no mom to cry to......no one person in the world who loves me unconditionally and thinks everything I do is right.  I know it is all part of life, but I can't help but wonder why.  It is all so senseless.  I don't believe in the afterlife, so I get no relief like people who do.  I WISH I did, but if you don't believe, no amount of talk makes you believe.  So now I'm stuck.  Sad and helpless.  I just don't know what to do.
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890982_tn?1259094785
Sometimes your have to be your own mother, and console yourself the way you would your own unhappy child.  You know your mother wouldn't want you to be sad and helpless.  There may not be an after life, but some part of these people who have helped us out stays with us forever, whether they're still there or not.  
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686059_tn?1293837427
The first anniversaries are so very difficult and my brother married and a week later my mother died. Also, my first birthday without my mother was just awful. I went to the cemetary and just sobbed. It broke my heart that the person that gave me life was now dead. You and your husband instead of using the term celebrate, should just spend quality and private time together. You can also celebrate her life (the person who gave you life) and honor her in your personal quite time if that makes sense.  I am Christian and I have strong belief and faith in God as my mother and my faith has brought me great comfort and strength during the darkest days of  my life. I had 7 deaths within a 6 month period and loss my job, yet I had inner peace from my faith.  Best wishes...Judy
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Avatar_f_tn
I can very much relate to what you are feeling.  Even though we always know our moms will leave us someday, we are never prepared for this loss.  I lost my mother and father when I was 25 in a car accident.  Then a 23 year old brother. A husband and brother-in-law, my mother-in-law(loved her dearly) and father-in-law.  Two of my children were diagnosed with FAP the same disease that took their father and uncle, one was 12 and one was 16.  The twelve year old is a very healthy 38 year old today, I lost my son at 31, and it will be 10 years the 23rd. of this month.  This is when all my faith in a God left me.  For this thing we call God to allow children to suffer so, I have no desire to know him.  There are many other reasons I feel this way, but this would take forever.  My son's eldest child was diagnosed with the same disease at the age of 10, just one year after we lost his dad.  He endured so much, and then on Dec. 1, 2008 we lost him at 18.  So, I can truly relate to how you are feeling.  If you don't feel like celebarting birthdays right now, don't, all your loved ones will understand.  I went thru this at Christmas, while decorating the house for my daughter and 2 year old grandson.  I was so angry, because so many of the decorations were picked out by my grandson and he wasn't going to be here, so I just made the best of it which wasn't easy.  My daughter is 37 and I am the same way with her as your mom was with you, but she sometimes resents that I worry so much about her.  She knows I am her biggest fan, and always supportive.  I have learned that by writing letters to my loved ones helps me a lot.  I still email my grandson every day on Face Book, you just do what you have to in order to survive. I have chosen to believe in re-incarnation, as this is the only hope I have that my loved ones are healthy, happy, and loved.  97% of all scientists do not believe in God, and there are too many unanswered questions for me, and things that just don't add up showing that one entity is in control of everything.  I can tell you that your mom would want you to be happy on your birthday, as I would my daughter, but that wouldn't even be realistic.  You miss her, and it's okay.  I can promise you that with time it does get easier, I don't know how or why, just that it does.  I now keep reminding myself of this having lost my grandson.  Mothers and daughters share a bond like no other.  But you'll get through this, I promise.  Your mom will see that you do.............
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686059_tn?1293837427
I had 7 deaths within a 6 month period, which included my mother and an unborn baby two weeks before Christmas. I loss my job and my beloved dog of 10 yrs died two. No human should have to suffer the way my family and I did and I'm still unemployed and just went to another funeral last friday, which was a family friend who died of cancer. This "thing" called God is a person and death has tested the very core of my faith.  My "faith" got me thru. I'm not here to debate religious belief, for everyone is entitled to their own personal choice, but if I didn't believe that one day I will see my mother in God's time, and all the other deaths and the one's to come (my father is 84), I would have probably be weaken to suicide. I don't see anyone being angry at the force that caused death...Satan. Anyway, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers....Judy
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Avatar_f_tn
You are very fortunate to have this "faith" to comfort you.  I also, am not here to debate anyone's faith, just wanted Rita to know that she is not alone in what she is enduring.
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686059_tn?1293837427
Thank you for your understanding.I am not here to debate anyone either. That is not what I am here for. Regardless of everyone religious or non-religious belief, we are all grieving and I respect everyone's pain and you also, are not alone in your grief and wish you only the best. Judy
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you Judy. I feel the same as you, as our family has suffered so much loss. It's painful for all of us, and some have endured more than others.  But we do need to support each other in our grief, and efforts to accept, and cope.  I am sorry for your losses, and hope that knowing you are not alone helps.  
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Avatar_m_tn
Yea    i feel mixed at times on the faith issue.     On the one hand, how can anyone truly know the origins of our universe.............thus having some sort of faith in a higher power seems logical.  However, the senselessness of pain and suffering, of children starving in other parts of the world makes me sometimes feel that we truly are alone in this world.  Coming from a place of humility, I can only ask god to let us know what we should do?  Why things are the way they are?


Hank
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686059_tn?1293837427
I have strong Christian faith regardless of all the suffering I have and I have much suffering up to now. I have been tested to the core of my very soul!  I'm still unemployed, no money coming in and if it were not for my deceased mother leaving me just recently money from a life insurance, I would be in serious trouble. Although deceased, she is still taking care of me and my mother had very strong faith.  Suffering is the wage of sin, brought on by deceit of Satan disobedience to God.  Children are starving around the world and it's heartbreaking that the parents continue to bring children when they don't even have food to give them. God has given man free will and choice and accepts whether mankind will accept him or not, but I pray that they don't realize that yes, there is an Almight God, whose name is Jehova, father of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in their death bed or when it's too late.
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