Five months and back to overwhelming grief

[Overwhelmed10]

My father died from cancer on April 11th.  Then my grandfather died from a brain tumor on June 9th.  I went through a heavy grief period.  Then I felt I came out the other side.  I seem to have accepted my Grandfather's death, as he lived a full life of 89 years.  My dad, not so much.  He owned a large farm and all his farm machinery and things left at his house we did not want are up for auction this weekend.  The pictures sent by the auction company of his tractors-one in particular I have MANY memories of him on- has torn me to pieces inside.  I have cried and cried the last few days and it's not fair to my little 3 year old.  I already have a therapist and am on anti- depressants, but honestly I don't think it's helping that much.  I feel as bad now as I did when he first died.  I worry my family members because I can't get a grip on this crying, so I have his it and pretend to be ok.  My friends don't know what to say, so I haven't burdened them with this, and honestly I feel like isolating anyways.  I try to read things on the Internet to help, but I can't even finish anything,  I have zero energy and feel paralyzed by this pain , both physically and mentally.  I'm supposed to be packing as we are moving in a week and I can barely get off sofa.  I feel like I can't achieve anything anymore.  I'm just mentally exhausted.  I physically hurt from this pain.  I don't know how I'm ever going to move on.  I don't feel like this is normal.  I keep having flashbacks of him at the morgue, and in the hospital, and things he said when he was sick.  It's like I keep waiting for everything to be alright again, and yet I know it will never truly be without him here.  I know that's not right to think, but I really honestly feel that way.   I'm so tired.  

[mztamikaj]

So sorry about your loss,
April 12, 2013 was the worst day of my life
I lost my baby too
My oldest son 17yrs old
To suicide
I'm still heart broken I just wish I knew what was on his mind
But its Gods business
He has him now
I hurt all the time

[VICourageous]

Hey I just caught this..I am so sorry too! How are you doing??Today is Sept 7th. Let me know in a note or on here or something..OK
Bless

[Overwhelmed10]

Hi Rosy-
Thank you so much for responding!! You are right, I do believe they are in a better place now. So hard being left behind though..I'm sorry you have experienced this pain also.  It seems to com in waves, I will feel like I'm improving then " bam" it hits me hard for a few weeks.  

We are moving so I guess if I throw myself into paving that should help distract me.  :)

[Overwhelmed10]

Thank you for your continued support Niko. I sent you a pm.

[ROSYouralright]

HEY! I'm sorry about your loss and I KNOW that NONE OF MY WORDS are going to make your grief any less but I know that TIME will heal the pain! Ive lost MANY loved ones INCLUDING my dad at times the grief threatens to overwhelm me but I KNOW that they are in a BETTER, PAIN FREE place and are no longer suffering from the "pain of life." I am here if you need to talk! I know it's SUPER HARD but one foot in front of the other! KEEPING BUSY is the best gift you can give yourself right now my friend!

[TheLightSeeker]

Hang in there, for now, as much as you can.
I'll send you a meassage tonight.
Love & Light
Niko