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How do I go on?
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How do I go on?

My name is Judy and this is my first time to this website. On July 19, 2007, my beloved mother Cathy died in my arms.   My mother was only 70 yrs. old and died of respiratory and congestive heart failure.

Today, I went to  Rosehill Cemetary to clean her grave as I have for the past year and when I got to the grave, I fell on my knees right on top of her grave and started to sob. My soul was wailing in pain and like a child I staired at her grave, devistated that my mother was in the ground, calling for my "mommy".  I asked her, how do I live without you?

I have had good days and really bad days since she died, but the loss of my mother is so huge within me, I have felt that I did not want to live without her.

How do I get pass this grief.  How do I live without my mother?  How do I go on?  It's been one year and four months and I still feel the pain as I she had just died in my arms.  She suffered so much, yet I will never be the same again. I have lost joy in my life and I wish I was with her. How do I go on? How?  How do I live again?

Grief stricken,

Judy
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7 Comments Post a Comment
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686233_tn?1227216745
Sweetie you will always miss your mother. There will be nothing I say that can stop the pain.
The good news is it does get easier. There are 5 stage of grief.
I have never lost my mom but I have lost my 6 year old daughter, my step mom, three of my best friends, my uncle,etc. I know that's not the same as losing a mother but no matter who someone loses, its not easy and they still have to keep going.
One thing that helped me after losing Destiny was I bought a notebook and wrote notes to her daily. Even if I had really nothing to say but to tell her I love her and miss her.
To be honest, you are doing better than what you think. When Destiny had been gone a year and a half, I still refused to except it. I kept telling myself that she was gone some where with her daddy or that I am just having a bad dream and will wake up any time.
There are books that can help you deal with this. and just talking about it will help you too.
Hope this helps some but I remember I didn't want to hear any of this when I lost Destiny
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686059_tn?1293837427
Thank you so much for your kind words and compassion.  My mother died in my arms and I would'nt have it any other way.

I miss her and I just don't know how to live and just move on.  Baby steps for me. I did write "love" notes for a while.

I am so sorry for your loss. No parent should have to bury a child and death is so cruel. I do trust that one day in God's time I will see my mother and you will see Destiny again.

May God keep Destiny in his tender arms and God bless you for listening to the pain that is deep in my heart.

Judy
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165308_tn?1323190145
I lost my mom 8 years ago this coming January...she died 4 months after my dad.  My world fell apart and I felt EXACTLY as you do now.  I didn't want to go on at all...However, with the passage of time, grief counseling (in a group with other adults who have lost parents) HELPED ALOT, and trying to always remember that I wanted to make them proud of me and how much they want me to be happy and live on, I made it through.  There are definitely many days that I still miss my mom and dad so, so very much that it physically hurts...There are days I could just cry...but what I do is this.  Feel what I need to feel, cry when I need to cry, but also know that it will get better.  Although there are many heartaches in life, there are also many blessings and you need to focus on that also.  Remember, you will be with her again one day....in GOD's time....so until then, do what you need to do here.  To live your life to the fullest.  May God bless you and grant you the strength and peace to move forward with your life.  
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686059_tn?1293837427

Dear Suzi,

My very deepest condolences and I'm so very sorry for your losses. I can't belive what you and your family  must have experienced losing both your  parents months apart.  I would just die! It would have put me over the edge.

Right now, I'm struggling knowing that my mom is in a casket, in the cold ground, alone in the dark with no air (I know, I'm tormenting myself).  I wish I could just tell her "ok, mom, get out of there, get in the car, let's go home and I will make you coffee."

Only someone who has experienced the death of a loved one can understand my pain, because people would think that I am crazy.

I'm suffering terribly. She was such a loving, kind, gentle lady, and the way she died is what is just tormenting me inside.  She pretty much sufficated and since she could not breath had a heart attack. I held her and I'm dying inside. The grief is just overwhelming and I'm just going to have to not visit her grave as often, because of the effect it has on me.  I just want to fall on top of her grave and never leave her.  I will try, but what I feel is like hell.

At times at night I call her like a child looking for her lost mom "mommy" where are you?

Thank you so much for your time and response, it does help me so much, because I have been suffering alone.  My dad who is 83 yrs. old is devistated and I do my very best to confort him and take care of him too.

My God bless you and I will keep our parents in my thoughts and prayers.

Judy

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165308_tn?1323190145
Thank you Judy....it is just so hard and it definitely gets harder before it gets easier.  There definitely has to be divine intervention, because if it didn't happen to me, I just would have never thought I would survive.  I was extememely close to my parents.  I still lived at home with my sister when they both died....one year it was all of us...the next, just me and my sis...it was unimaginable...but with time, good friends and support, we made it though...we have both since gotten married and I have adopted a little girl from China who is now 3 1/2 years old...Life IS good...it is not always fair, and it does rip your heart out, but you DO go on...

Just as a side note...my mom once had congestive heart failure...after it was over and she was able to breath again, she pretty much didn't remember anything about it.  When that happens, oxygen is cut from the brain and puts them in a frame of mind where they do not know what is going on.  She didn't know what happened to her and she did not suffer.  Also, she is not in the ground...she is all around you.  She is at peace and with you whenever you need her...I truly believe that.  If you cannot go to the grave because of the way you feel, do not feel bad at all.  She is not there...you can talk to her whenever you like and she is listening...THIS is what keeps me going, especially on those extremely difficult days...I still sometimes cry for my "mommy and daddy"  that is just a sign to the amount of love that still lives in my heart.  

You will be ok...and if you want to talk, please PM me at any time.  I totally understand your feelings.
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686059_tn?1293837427
Dear Elaine,

My brother got married, a week later mom died, a week later her brother-in-law died, a week later my ex fiance's father died, two weeks later, my nieces fiances mother died of cancer, five months later, my mothers best friend who attended her funeral died of cancer, my brothers new wife lost their first baby two weeks before Christmas, the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life decided that he needed space (in the middle of my grief), lost my job in May and my beloved dog Toby died of a heart attack.  Death was hanging out in my house, with my friends, in my life.   It just can't get worse than what I am going through right know, but my faith in  God gave me the stranght to survive.  I actually wished I was dead, but will not act on that feeling.

I finally reach a point where I just wanted to tell anyone who would listen that I'm dying inside. The death of my mom has devistated me and I thank you for taking a moment to share your time.

My very deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved mother , brother and son.  No one should have to bury a family member, less a child.  Only someone who has experienced the aftermath of death can understand this very dark time in my life.

Once again thank you and God bless.

Judy
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