How do I surface the pain, grieve and move on?

It will be the anniversary date of my moms death on the 22nd.  SHe died in 1995, I was 16 and even after all these years have passed, I haven't "DEALT" and I don't even know how.  
Yes, i've been to therapy and I know aftr a few sessions if they will help me or not.  I know my digestive problems (Crohn's) will subside when I grieve, deal with the anger and guilt I hang onto and forgive too.  It's still so painful to think of.  
I'm clueless

[margypops]

you dont , you let it wash over you, you dont fight it, soon you will accept that it has happened ...it could be that you are thinking about death too much, think Of Mom before this happened to her, ... I feel the same ,my mom passed on and was in another country I didnt get 'time' we never do, to say goodbye , however what I do is I think about her a few minutes at a time, then I move on ,I distract myself, I get busy, not easy but I know your mom and mine would want us to..she wouldnt want you to be unhappy because of your thoughts about her .Its a hard one , but your life goes on ..good luck

[lisaob1]

hi i have only just come across your post regarding your mums anniversary that passed on the 22nd of last month,it must be so hard trying to come to terms with your loss.everybody is different and everyone deals with things in there own way. although time is a healer,there is no specific time limit either.you will come to terms and begin to deal with your loss and how you feel when you are ready. but also,may i add,after all this time you need to find some solace and peace of mind,your mum would want you to do that.you need to find your own identity and move on.if  you need to talk about anything il be here to listen.i wish you all the very best

[keter]

Hi, I don't think you can ever 'DEAL' with the death of someone that close to you. At least not 'deal' in the sense of how I understand the term.
You try to cope, that's the best you can hope for imho. From my own observations I can tell you what doesn't work: My neighbour's husband died more than 10 yrs ago and she visits his gravesite at least once a week, wears nothing but black and dwells on his death 24/7.
That doesn't do her any good as far as I can see.
The other extreme is how I handled my wifes (more or less) sudden death: just have a good cry and then carry on with your life.
That hasn't done me a lot of good either. There must be a middle ground, a grieving and then letting go, but I don't know how.
Some blame it on society, as in: in the olden days, people had rituals to deal with death and mourning, prescribed rules telling you how to act.
But I'm sure people were just as miserable then as now.

Well, that was my 5 cts worth, if someone ever finds out what does work, please let me know.

[lisaob1]

hi,id just like to say thinking of you over mothers day,without going into posts people have written,i hope you are copeing well and thinking of you,take care with love and best wishes x