How to deal with this?

[melbidd]

Well, I'm 17 and I lost my uncle April 19th 2008 to suicide (two years last monday).  It seems like it just hit me that he's gone forever.  I've pretty much cried everyday since last week.  I keep hearing the conversation I had with my grand-mother when she first found out what he did.  The worst part is, he did it because of my grandfather's death the year before.  My dad, and his brothers and sisters were all after him because he was stealing from my grandfather's will (lets say he left something for my dad, well he (my uncle) would take it and hide it).  

So on the morning of april 19th, he made a meeting to appologize to his siblings, said he loved them a lot, then left.  No one had seen him for 4 hours, so they started to look for him.  They went to his house, and in the woods.  My aunt found him hanging from a tree.  She started doing CPR, but it was no use.  My grandmother called, she was crying and wanting to talk to my dad.  So I said, he will call you in 5 minutes (I did not know what was going on).  Then she called back 2-3 minutes later saying, "I want to talk to him now" and repeating those words.  So I ran upstairs and told my dad to hurry (he was in the shower).  He took the phone, and I went downstairs.  Few seconds later, my dad starts screaming for my mom to come upstairs.  When she did, I heard him say, drive me to his house NOW !, so they both ran downstairs crying.  I still did not know what was going on ..

Since that day, I haven't been myself.  I started skipping school and failing courses (I could not concentrate).  But then I switched school and everything has been better.  Until last week, I can't concentrate (I keep hearing the conversation on the phone with my grandma) .. I've been crying almost everyday, and waking up in the middle of the night crying (once again, because of the convo.)

Does anyone know what helps deal with the loss of someone very close to you?

[29sillygirl]

So sorry you are having what sounds like an intense delayed reaction to this family tragedy.

I understand how the words and actions that took place on that drama filled day, can come back in vivid detail.  How our minds work.  You  can get through this. I really hope you will find someone outside family, a therapist or counselor to guide you.  Unresolved grief is damaging to your heart and spirit.

My son was murdered by his father, my ex-husband on March 6.  I waited until Tuesday to see a therapist because I am finding myself swept up into my son's ex girl friends constant evaluations and criticisms.  I suspect you have experienced the tangle of working through what others are feeling as well as your own grief.   That you held up until now is an indicator of your strength.  But do please talk to someone.  

[mammo]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this very tagic loss.  I think you need to talk to someone over all this, your parents, someone.  Sometimes it takes time for things like this to truly hit us, and it appears that this is what is happening to you.  Let your parents know what you're feeling so they can get you into therapy where you will learn how to cope and accept this.  You're so young to be enduring this, and there is help for you.  It sounds like your uncle had demons of his own, and you can relax in knowing that he is in a better place and a happier person.  We don't know why we lose loved ones and have to trust that there is a bigger picture, which one day we will learn about.  Please do talk to your parents, and also try journaling your feelings.  It's proven that writing down our thoughts and feelings helps us.  If need be, put your feelings in a letter to your parents so that they are sure to realize the huge impact this is having on you.  Take care...